Beggars exists everywhere. Even in the richest country or a country with good social support system. How true.. I would say that it is a common sight to see people who try to get some money from our kindness. Some are really in a pitiful state and they are trying hard to show others that. We will see beggars with lost limb or limbs, and various other disabilities. Long time ago, I will not hesitate to fork out some change to give them. Now, I hesitate...
Am I really helping them by giving them money? This is similar to a story...
You feed a man a fish and he is fed once
You teach a man to fish and he is fed a lifetime.
When we are giving money to beggars, we are actually feeding them fish. They may get to live now, but what about the future? There is a high chance that they will be dependent on society's kindness to survive.
I did a mental calculation on how much a beggar actually gets. Although I always lament at how people in this country do not have courtesy and manners, I must admit that there is a fair number who are willing to donate money ( just look at the number of charity shows organised in a year. It is amazing). Assuming that a beggar pick a spot at a busy mrt station. The number of people passing by can easily reach a staggering 400. lets say one in every 40 people donate an average of 50 cents. That gives 5 dollars. Now all the info here are extremely conservative. Even so, there will be enough food to eat for days.... one if you want normal food (mixed rice). And what do they do? nothing much except to swallow their pride. However, my observation tells me that their pride is long gone. They are quite happy to beg.
Of course, not all are like that. Some are really in need. But I am sure there are other ways to seek help other than be beggars. Now and then, we hear about companies hiring disable people to work. It is not impossible to work when disabled. It is just about whether a person is willing to do so or not. Of course, I cannot fully understand how it is like to be disabled since I am only slightly disabled. But I believe that other people cannot help forever, only we can help ourselves.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Attachment progress
Firstly, I gained the trust of supervisors and colleague. My ability at learning and completing task swiftly is recognised. I should be happy?
Maybe not.
Not when I am being dumped with more and more tasks to do while the other intern is slacking away.
Not when I am being asked to do things that any other person nearer can do. for example, I was asked to resolve copying issues when I am sure people who are seated just next to the machine will know it too ( I am seated all the way at the other end).
Not when expectations are set such that I work like a normal employee. I am just an intern who is paid a pathetic 600 dollars, less than half of the lowest paid in the department ( I am quite sure of this)
Not when original schedule of learning other tasks is postponed indefinitely because I am just too good to be true in the section. they are seriously in need of more man-power ( or woman if you feel offended).
Maybe I should talk to my supervisor about learning other things. Hopefully she will be in a good mood tomorrow and have low chance to encounter mood swing.
Maybe not.
Not when I am being dumped with more and more tasks to do while the other intern is slacking away.
Not when I am being asked to do things that any other person nearer can do. for example, I was asked to resolve copying issues when I am sure people who are seated just next to the machine will know it too ( I am seated all the way at the other end).
Not when expectations are set such that I work like a normal employee. I am just an intern who is paid a pathetic 600 dollars, less than half of the lowest paid in the department ( I am quite sure of this)
Not when original schedule of learning other tasks is postponed indefinitely because I am just too good to be true in the section. they are seriously in need of more man-power ( or woman if you feel offended).
Maybe I should talk to my supervisor about learning other things. Hopefully she will be in a good mood tomorrow and have low chance to encounter mood swing.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Death from overwork
Apparently, illness and death from overwork is very common in Japan. So much so that they actually developed a special term for it so that it will be easy to refer to. My gosh...
Hopefully Singapore will not go to that stage. Hm.... But looking at the way people in my attached company works, and if other companies are like that.. it may be possible that Singapore will face the problem of karoshi ( special term for death at work) in the future.
Is it really necessary to work to such an extent? Well, I do know some people derive satisfaction and happiness from work. I would think that it is not the case for karoshi. Get a real life man.... and woman. There is really not much chance of finishing work because there will always be work to be done. Moderation is the key to happiness and health.
Hopefully Singapore will not go to that stage. Hm.... But looking at the way people in my attached company works, and if other companies are like that.. it may be possible that Singapore will face the problem of karoshi ( special term for death at work) in the future.
Is it really necessary to work to such an extent? Well, I do know some people derive satisfaction and happiness from work. I would think that it is not the case for karoshi. Get a real life man.... and woman. There is really not much chance of finishing work because there will always be work to be done. Moderation is the key to happiness and health.
Monday, May 14, 2007
First day attachment
I cannot believe it. I thought I grew out of the stage. The stage where I can't sleep the night before. And it is because of attachment.
Fortunately, it did not rain when I was going to the company (even though it mr cloud was in bad, dark mood).
I was worried about how the people at the company will be like. Luckily, everyone I met so far was friendly, helpful and quite lenient on certain rules. And and there is another classmate under the same supervisor, which makes the work less boring (which can be very boring esp since nothing much to do initially).
Wonder how others are faring. I am under the department New Business Underwriting. It is an operation department. Sort of a go between for agents, actuarial department, marketing and sales, financial department. Sounds like fun. Hopefully will get to do more interesting and important task. haha..
Fortunately, it did not rain when I was going to the company (even though it mr cloud was in bad, dark mood).
I was worried about how the people at the company will be like. Luckily, everyone I met so far was friendly, helpful and quite lenient on certain rules. And and there is another classmate under the same supervisor, which makes the work less boring (which can be very boring esp since nothing much to do initially).
Wonder how others are faring. I am under the department New Business Underwriting. It is an operation department. Sort of a go between for agents, actuarial department, marketing and sales, financial department. Sounds like fun. Hopefully will get to do more interesting and important task. haha..
Friday, May 11, 2007
twist and turn of life
Fate had a way to play joke on helpless living beings.
In uni, there is an attachment programme. 2 supervisors will be assigned to a student where one will be from the organisation attached to, and one is a professor in uni.
There is nothing much to be said about the one from organisation since I would not know anyone from there. However, the professor from uni is quite interesting.
It appears that it is the same professor who fang fei gei on me and my friends. I was practically laughing at the irony of it. My trust for the professor is at bottom low. Now, I am supposed to entrust the professor into handling my attachment affair and problems. I am so going to hope that nothing unusual arises during my Attachment (nothing unusually bad, that is).
Attachment starting next week and will last for 10 weeks. However, most of the student feel that organisation take in students with low or no expectation, aka office boy/girl. Again, there is no way to verify this unless I am in it. Hope for the best... the best..
In uni, there is an attachment programme. 2 supervisors will be assigned to a student where one will be from the organisation attached to, and one is a professor in uni.
There is nothing much to be said about the one from organisation since I would not know anyone from there. However, the professor from uni is quite interesting.
It appears that it is the same professor who fang fei gei on me and my friends. I was practically laughing at the irony of it. My trust for the professor is at bottom low. Now, I am supposed to entrust the professor into handling my attachment affair and problems. I am so going to hope that nothing unusual arises during my Attachment (nothing unusually bad, that is).
Attachment starting next week and will last for 10 weeks. However, most of the student feel that organisation take in students with low or no expectation, aka office boy/girl. Again, there is no way to verify this unless I am in it. Hope for the best... the best..
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Home sick
Yes, I was literally sick when I am home. It all boils down to sleep deprivation.
I can't sleep with my parents because I will not be able to sleep with my father's snoring. I cannot sleep with m grandma because I am afraid that I will make sound and awaken her. Hence, I cannot sleep well in both the rooms for sleeping in my house. It got so bad that I have to resort to sleep downstairs in living room.
sigh.. now I am back in Singapore and recuperating. It sounds so weird. Normally people recuperate at home but I recuperate in a rented room. haih...
Fortunately, my short stay at home was enjoyable for my parents. Hahah.... we spent hours and hours watching the series - 天龙八部。naturally, I was bombarded with questions about who is the person in black, why they do that, what happen next etc etc... Fortunately, I read the story book more than 4 times and am able to remember the storyline. However, I kept mum on important things that will be a spoiler if I spill it too early.. haha...
I guess I did have quality time with parents. but not quantity. ah well... life is like that.
I can't sleep with my parents because I will not be able to sleep with my father's snoring. I cannot sleep with m grandma because I am afraid that I will make sound and awaken her. Hence, I cannot sleep well in both the rooms for sleeping in my house. It got so bad that I have to resort to sleep downstairs in living room.
sigh.. now I am back in Singapore and recuperating. It sounds so weird. Normally people recuperate at home but I recuperate in a rented room. haih...
Fortunately, my short stay at home was enjoyable for my parents. Hahah.... we spent hours and hours watching the series - 天龙八部。naturally, I was bombarded with questions about who is the person in black, why they do that, what happen next etc etc... Fortunately, I read the story book more than 4 times and am able to remember the storyline. However, I kept mum on important things that will be a spoiler if I spill it too early.. haha...
I guess I did have quality time with parents. but not quantity. ah well... life is like that.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
inhuman sessions
imagine you are in a class that teach stochastic.
Difficulty
Statistics < survival model < < stochastic.
And the official duration is 4 hours. First 2 hours lecture and last 2 hours tutorials.
However, changes were made and the session becomes a 4 hours lecture or 4 hours tutorial.
Then factor in overtime of 1 hour for lecture and half an hour for tutorial.
Can you take it?
Yes, my whole class (those that turned up ) go through a 5 hours lecture in the previous week. This week, it is a 4 and half hours tutorial.
Here is when you can begin to observe different behaviours. especially after the 3 hours mark.
Student A will eventually have a heavier head until it rest on the table. Then, the task of moisturising the table with saliva will begin.
Student B and C will demonstrate high difficulty action of sleeping while still in the position of copying answers on the board.
Student D and E fished out a whole bar of chocolate and start to munch away. And to increase the fun of eating, they bite off the chocolate and keep it in their mouth. Then, took a picture with tongue stuck out.
Then there will be the familiar sight of geniuses asking questions life no tomorrow. And fighting for a chance to do tutorials questions on the board.
not to forget the professor who is titanium built. He managed to give a 5 hours lecture (with a short break after first 2 hours). Oh, did I mention he was standing and at times was scribbling things ( that look foreign to most of the class except a few) on the board.
And there will be bullying of a pitiful guy at the back of the class....
Hahaha initially I wanted to write about how tiring and boring the class is.. Hm... it turned out to be interesting.. hehe... Ah well, thank goodness those decade long session has come to an end.... for now.....
Difficulty
Statistics < survival model < < stochastic.
And the official duration is 4 hours. First 2 hours lecture and last 2 hours tutorials.
However, changes were made and the session becomes a 4 hours lecture or 4 hours tutorial.
Then factor in overtime of 1 hour for lecture and half an hour for tutorial.
Can you take it?
Yes, my whole class (those that turned up ) go through a 5 hours lecture in the previous week. This week, it is a 4 and half hours tutorial.
Here is when you can begin to observe different behaviours. especially after the 3 hours mark.
Student A will eventually have a heavier head until it rest on the table. Then, the task of moisturising the table with saliva will begin.
Student B and C will demonstrate high difficulty action of sleeping while still in the position of copying answers on the board.
Student D and E fished out a whole bar of chocolate and start to munch away. And to increase the fun of eating, they bite off the chocolate and keep it in their mouth. Then, took a picture with tongue stuck out.
Then there will be the familiar sight of geniuses asking questions life no tomorrow. And fighting for a chance to do tutorials questions on the board.
not to forget the professor who is titanium built. He managed to give a 5 hours lecture (with a short break after first 2 hours). Oh, did I mention he was standing and at times was scribbling things ( that look foreign to most of the class except a few) on the board.
And there will be bullying of a pitiful guy at the back of the class....
Hahaha initially I wanted to write about how tiring and boring the class is.. Hm... it turned out to be interesting.. hehe... Ah well, thank goodness those decade long session has come to an end.... for now.....
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Stupid business practices
It is a wonder how some businesses manage to survive... I have 2 example to show
Well, firstly is about hair cut. Due to the fact that I will be going for professional attachment after my exam, I went for a hair cut. As I pass by a Malay barber shop, I saw many barbers sitting around chatting. But there was no price board that is significant enough to catch my attention.
When I was considering if I should get my hair cut there, a board caught my eye. It said unisex hair cut S$ 8. So I turn around and ask the group of malay male barbers there.
I said :' Gunting rambut berapa?' (how much for hair cut)
B replied :' sepuluh' (ten)
I asked :' tetapi sana gunting lapan dollar sahaja' (but that side cut only 8 dollars)
B said :' Kalau macam itu, pergilah gunting kat sana' ( if so, go cut there la)
So I went and got my hair cut for 8 dollars. After haircut, there is even a promotion where I will get a free hair cut if I cut for 10 times. (though I think this is bullshit. I cut once in 2 months.. 10 times? almost 2 years....). But the point is that, there is such a promotion, and lower price. I do not know what the other barber shop is thinking..
Another instance is about food. I was trying out a few stalls around my area. most of them have around the same price (2.7, 2.8,2.6). So after a while, I went to get my food at a vegetarian stall which sold me meal at 2.6. I took 3 dishes as per normal.
However, when I was paying for it, I thought I heard wrongly.... The lady there actually charged me for S$3.20. Ridiculously, it is even more expensive than normal meal with meat.
I am not trying to discriminate here, but her husband charged me 2.60..... Where the extra 60 cents come from?
I swear I am not going back to the barber shop and the vegetarian stall anymore.. stupid practices..
Well, firstly is about hair cut. Due to the fact that I will be going for professional attachment after my exam, I went for a hair cut. As I pass by a Malay barber shop, I saw many barbers sitting around chatting. But there was no price board that is significant enough to catch my attention.
When I was considering if I should get my hair cut there, a board caught my eye. It said unisex hair cut S$ 8. So I turn around and ask the group of malay male barbers there.
I said :' Gunting rambut berapa?' (how much for hair cut)
B replied :' sepuluh' (ten)
I asked :' tetapi sana gunting lapan dollar sahaja' (but that side cut only 8 dollars)
B said :' Kalau macam itu, pergilah gunting kat sana' ( if so, go cut there la)
So I went and got my hair cut for 8 dollars. After haircut, there is even a promotion where I will get a free hair cut if I cut for 10 times. (though I think this is bullshit. I cut once in 2 months.. 10 times? almost 2 years....). But the point is that, there is such a promotion, and lower price. I do not know what the other barber shop is thinking..
Another instance is about food. I was trying out a few stalls around my area. most of them have around the same price (2.7, 2.8,2.6). So after a while, I went to get my food at a vegetarian stall which sold me meal at 2.6. I took 3 dishes as per normal.
However, when I was paying for it, I thought I heard wrongly.... The lady there actually charged me for S$3.20. Ridiculously, it is even more expensive than normal meal with meat.
I am not trying to discriminate here, but her husband charged me 2.60..... Where the extra 60 cents come from?
I swear I am not going back to the barber shop and the vegetarian stall anymore.. stupid practices..
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
unexpected find
This morning, I was looking at the 2 pitiful arowana, apparently in state of hunger. As the owners came back yesterday, I assumed they bought the food for arowana.
Hence, I went to search for it (they usually put at one place if they want me to feed it). Then while I was searching, I notice something at one end. From far, it looked like vcds. So I thought that they gotten some not original vcd to watch. Then on closer inspection.....
Whoala!!! it appears to be movies where actresses and actors try to save on clothings.
And the owners stayed in their room for quite some time.. hm... Now I know what they were doing... LOL.....
Though I cannot figure out why they do not keep it in the master bedroom.
Hence, I went to search for it (they usually put at one place if they want me to feed it). Then while I was searching, I notice something at one end. From far, it looked like vcds. So I thought that they gotten some not original vcd to watch. Then on closer inspection.....
Whoala!!! it appears to be movies where actresses and actors try to save on clothings.
And the owners stayed in their room for quite some time.. hm... Now I know what they were doing... LOL.....
Though I cannot figure out why they do not keep it in the master bedroom.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
what could have been
A lot of people always think of 'what could have been'
I could have been a millionaire if I had taken that path...
I could have gotten better result if I had study better...
I could have been enjoying myself if I did not do that...
etc etc...
However, there is almost one thing in common. People always think that they are in a worse position than they could have been. The fact is, we are never satisfied with what we have. Why can't we think like....
I could have been worse off but I am better now
I could just be like those people who are broke...
etc...
Then we will feel better. Although it is not that nice to think of others as worse off than us. But I suppose if we don't do it blatantly, it would really help us feel happy, wouldn't it?
I remember watching a show quite a long time ago. They interviewed quite a number of elderly people in singapore who lived alone. I felt quite sad when they said that they do not have any other relatives. It is even worse when they said that their children never come and visit them. The disappointment is clearly reflected in their eyes.
Hence I was thinking of the current situation in singapore. Many parents nowadays left their children in the care of childcare, maid, their parents etc etc.. I was thinking that maybe they are focusing too much on the present need and neglecting the long term factor.
When a person grow old, I would think that he/she would very much to be in the company of family who love them. The best way to foster this love is when their children are small. I believe humans know who are good to them and treat them accordingly. I cannot bear to think of how the situation will be like 40 or 50 years down the road... When people do not feel so strongly attached to their parents.. sigh...
I could have been a millionaire if I had taken that path...
I could have gotten better result if I had study better...
I could have been enjoying myself if I did not do that...
etc etc...
However, there is almost one thing in common. People always think that they are in a worse position than they could have been. The fact is, we are never satisfied with what we have. Why can't we think like....
I could have been worse off but I am better now
I could just be like those people who are broke...
etc...
Then we will feel better. Although it is not that nice to think of others as worse off than us. But I suppose if we don't do it blatantly, it would really help us feel happy, wouldn't it?
I remember watching a show quite a long time ago. They interviewed quite a number of elderly people in singapore who lived alone. I felt quite sad when they said that they do not have any other relatives. It is even worse when they said that their children never come and visit them. The disappointment is clearly reflected in their eyes.
Hence I was thinking of the current situation in singapore. Many parents nowadays left their children in the care of childcare, maid, their parents etc etc.. I was thinking that maybe they are focusing too much on the present need and neglecting the long term factor.
When a person grow old, I would think that he/she would very much to be in the company of family who love them. The best way to foster this love is when their children are small. I believe humans know who are good to them and treat them accordingly. I cannot bear to think of how the situation will be like 40 or 50 years down the road... When people do not feel so strongly attached to their parents.. sigh...
Monday, March 26, 2007
I felt my eyes!!!
I do not know whether I should be laugh or cry..
It happen like this.
I woke up 4 days ago and looked into the mirror. hm.. there seems to be an insect bite at my nose. The position is just nice, in the sense that it is where my specs will rest on. It is not so bad. So I just ignored it and carry on doing what I should do.
second day. Oh my god. it is swollen (a bit) hurts a little when wear specs. I applied some oilment and took the advice of my mum (place hot towel on it). Then I went out to get contact lenses because such bites don heal so fast.
The next day.. 'who the hell glued my right eyes together!!!!' Alas, it appears that the swelling has spread to my right eye. So I got up at 6 am and planned to visit the doctor in the morning. After checking the opening hours of the clinic, I realised that they only open at 8.30 am.
at 8.30, I went to consult doctor. 'DA BLOODY CLINIC!!!!, waited like 2 1/2 hours!!!!' What is more, the doctor was not very willing to give information. Had to pry them out of him. Geez!!! He never even notice the swell has spreaded to my right eye.
So I guess I am stuck with 30 days of contact lenses. (min purchase is 30 days). Need a lot to get used to. Everytime I want to study, I will instinctively look for my specs then realised that I can see well. Of course there is the hassle of spending around 30 minutes to put them on in the first place ( I am still very noob at it). Furthermore, I normally bath many times per day. oh damn, cannot wear contacts when bathing.. sigh.. sigh.. I guess the landlord will be wondering at the lower water bill this month.. LOL....
It happen like this.
I woke up 4 days ago and looked into the mirror. hm.. there seems to be an insect bite at my nose. The position is just nice, in the sense that it is where my specs will rest on. It is not so bad. So I just ignored it and carry on doing what I should do.
second day. Oh my god. it is swollen (a bit) hurts a little when wear specs. I applied some oilment and took the advice of my mum (place hot towel on it). Then I went out to get contact lenses because such bites don heal so fast.
The next day.. 'who the hell glued my right eyes together!!!!' Alas, it appears that the swelling has spread to my right eye. So I got up at 6 am and planned to visit the doctor in the morning. After checking the opening hours of the clinic, I realised that they only open at 8.30 am.
at 8.30, I went to consult doctor. 'DA BLOODY CLINIC!!!!, waited like 2 1/2 hours!!!!' What is more, the doctor was not very willing to give information. Had to pry them out of him. Geez!!! He never even notice the swell has spreaded to my right eye.
So I guess I am stuck with 30 days of contact lenses. (min purchase is 30 days). Need a lot to get used to. Everytime I want to study, I will instinctively look for my specs then realised that I can see well. Of course there is the hassle of spending around 30 minutes to put them on in the first place ( I am still very noob at it). Furthermore, I normally bath many times per day. oh damn, cannot wear contacts when bathing.. sigh.. sigh.. I guess the landlord will be wondering at the lower water bill this month.. LOL....
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
dream girl?
I met my dream girl.. in my dream (duh).
I still remember the content of the dream. though I cannot remember clearly that face of the girl.. sigh... I remembered that she is slim, long hair, and not too tall. I swear that I nvr thought of anything related to the girl that appeared in my dreams. By the way, I never met the girl before.
In the dream, me and the girl loved each other very much. so much so that we cannot live without each other. SAdly, her parents voiced their strong objection. I still remember the pain that I felt in my heart. Then, I woke up.. sigh.. such a short dream. What happen after that? I have no idea.
If want to create story, I would say that me and the girl commited suicide and then promised to be together in the next life (got the idea from a story book I read in HSS library :P). hehe.. I think too much.
ah.... sleepy again.. been sleeping too much nowadays.. hoping to meet the dream girl .wahhaha
I still remember the content of the dream. though I cannot remember clearly that face of the girl.. sigh... I remembered that she is slim, long hair, and not too tall. I swear that I nvr thought of anything related to the girl that appeared in my dreams. By the way, I never met the girl before.
In the dream, me and the girl loved each other very much. so much so that we cannot live without each other. SAdly, her parents voiced their strong objection. I still remember the pain that I felt in my heart. Then, I woke up.. sigh.. such a short dream. What happen after that? I have no idea.
If want to create story, I would say that me and the girl commited suicide and then promised to be together in the next life (got the idea from a story book I read in HSS library :P). hehe.. I think too much.
ah.... sleepy again.. been sleeping too much nowadays.. hoping to meet the dream girl .wahhaha
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
great timing
Sigh.. just when many things are happening, I am ill. All because of the stupid weather. for the past few days, it was so hot, dry and there is no wind. Then today, it rained heavily.. Thus, I am down with fever and sore throat.
Just when I was planning to go back for qing ming. And new development is that my grand uncle is hovering on the edge of death, so they might go back earlier than this saturday. To complicate matter, there is a stochastic quiz next friday.
I had to leave class early ( 4 hours seminar) and skipped communication class after that because I felt so cold I was shivering, even with jacket on. Hence I walked to canteen and bought 2 packet of rice then headed home. I knew that there is no way I am going to walk out again in the evening to get dinner. My leg muscles are trying to make me feel numb of pain. SO I reached my rented place and start searching for panadol. Alas, there seems to be no trace of their existance. After dumping things around for a while, I found a row of tablet with just 2 left. God knows when I got them. Much to my joy, it appears to contain paracetamol. I just downed them, hopefully, they will work wonders for me.
Oh.. now my back start to ache.. sigh.. stupid illness
Just when I was planning to go back for qing ming. And new development is that my grand uncle is hovering on the edge of death, so they might go back earlier than this saturday. To complicate matter, there is a stochastic quiz next friday.
I had to leave class early ( 4 hours seminar) and skipped communication class after that because I felt so cold I was shivering, even with jacket on. Hence I walked to canteen and bought 2 packet of rice then headed home. I knew that there is no way I am going to walk out again in the evening to get dinner. My leg muscles are trying to make me feel numb of pain. SO I reached my rented place and start searching for panadol. Alas, there seems to be no trace of their existance. After dumping things around for a while, I found a row of tablet with just 2 left. God knows when I got them. Much to my joy, it appears to contain paracetamol. I just downed them, hopefully, they will work wonders for me.
Oh.. now my back start to ache.. sigh.. stupid illness
Sunday, March 11, 2007
old.. sob.. old...
I was happily cradling my packed food and bread, walking towards my block. Just before I went into the lift, I saw 2 kids riding bicycle, apparently wanting to get on the lift.
As a basic courtesy, I waited for them to get in. The younger one looked and me and said 'xie xie' (thank you).
I was thinking.. wow, such a good mannered kid.
When we reached 5th floor ( we stayed at same floor), the elder kid got out first. Then the younger one insisted I go out before him. My good impression of them increases. Then when I was walking off, one of them yelled 'xie xie' again. However, what happened next left me laughing. After that, he addressed me as 'uncle'!!!!
Man, I nearly stumbled and fell. Do I seriously loook that old? or is it that it is accurate to address people my age as uncle? hm... haih... cheers to the 'uncle'... lol
As a basic courtesy, I waited for them to get in. The younger one looked and me and said 'xie xie' (thank you).
I was thinking.. wow, such a good mannered kid.
When we reached 5th floor ( we stayed at same floor), the elder kid got out first. Then the younger one insisted I go out before him. My good impression of them increases. Then when I was walking off, one of them yelled 'xie xie' again. However, what happened next left me laughing. After that, he addressed me as 'uncle'!!!!
Man, I nearly stumbled and fell. Do I seriously loook that old? or is it that it is accurate to address people my age as uncle? hm... haih... cheers to the 'uncle'... lol
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Fragility and helplessness of life
Recently, I cannot help but to think that human are so helpless in the face of nature (or god ). No matter what we do, we will all die. It is quite sad that the inevitable thing is, we are all living a day less as we live each day. I cannot believe that my father is about to retire soon, I do not wish to believe. But there is no denying it. My parents are ageing, even more so for my grandma. It is disheartening.
When I talk to my grandma, she was so happy and tell me about her life last time, her other children and many other things. Then after some time, it struck me that she does not remember what she told me 40 minutes ago. She is repeating herself over... and over again. Her memory is failing her. Tears welled up in my eyes then and now too as I type this.
How can we live when we know that we will grow old, helpless, body ache everywhere, failing memory and health. When we will have to be dependent on other people once again when we are independent for so many years. Sometimes when I walk pass an old perso, I wonder what is on his/her mind. Where they are can only walk slowly and watch young people zeep pass them. When I sat waiting for bus, I see them having to rest at each and every bus stop that they come across before continuing their slow walk back.
The only thing that they can be happy about is if they have children and grandchildren that are successful and filial. Successful does not necesarry means earn a lot of money, success varies from person to person. I would think success is when a person can earn a living without resorting to unlawful means. Success is when their children are able to live independent and comfortable in the future.
To all the people who are reading this, think of what you want when you are old. If you are staying with your parents, be more considerate to them. Don't think that they are bothersome when they nag at you. They do it because they care for you. For those who are not staying with your parents, make a trip back and visit them more often.
I can feel and see that my parents are extremely happy when I go back and stay even for a few days. Similarly, I can see the disappointment clearly written on their face when I have to tell them that I ahve to go be back to Singapore. My heart wrenches when I know that my father took leave off to accompany me only to know that I have to go back to Singapore on the very first day of his leave. I'm sorry.... I'm very sorry.. I don't know how I can ever repay what my parents did for me, other then to live meaningfully. But deep in my heart, I know that it is just not enough. Nothing is ever enough.
I still can remember when I was around 7 years old. I was very sick, high fever, no appetite, no strength to walk. It was past mid-night, my area was not very developed, 24 hours clinic was not available. My father tried to make me feel better by carrying me, walking around and talking softly to me until I fell asleep. Even when I was an adult, the care from my parents never cease.
I was in uni hostel, I had high fever... so much so that I felt light headed and fall down when I was standing. I do not want parents to worry so I did not tell them, but they called and found out I was very sick. On that very same night, they drove over and fetch me back so they can take care of me. My mum even took leave to take care of me.
Me and my brothers are in singapore working and studying. My parents are afraid that we do not get good food to eat. Hence, every Sunday, my mum will wake up at 5.30am to cook fish, my father will make carrot juice. Then they will drive over with other fruits, biscuits, and other basic necessities. I feel bad when I see my parents and they have the tire look in their eyes. I feel even worse when their tiredness are quickly washed away when they see me and my brothers. I swear I will take every opportunity to go back and visit them whenever I can.
I can never repay what they did for me, ever......
Sigh.. things will be much more simple if humans are without emotion. But then, it will be a sad thing too. nothing can ever be perfect
When I talk to my grandma, she was so happy and tell me about her life last time, her other children and many other things. Then after some time, it struck me that she does not remember what she told me 40 minutes ago. She is repeating herself over... and over again. Her memory is failing her. Tears welled up in my eyes then and now too as I type this.
How can we live when we know that we will grow old, helpless, body ache everywhere, failing memory and health. When we will have to be dependent on other people once again when we are independent for so many years. Sometimes when I walk pass an old perso, I wonder what is on his/her mind. Where they are can only walk slowly and watch young people zeep pass them. When I sat waiting for bus, I see them having to rest at each and every bus stop that they come across before continuing their slow walk back.
The only thing that they can be happy about is if they have children and grandchildren that are successful and filial. Successful does not necesarry means earn a lot of money, success varies from person to person. I would think success is when a person can earn a living without resorting to unlawful means. Success is when their children are able to live independent and comfortable in the future.
To all the people who are reading this, think of what you want when you are old. If you are staying with your parents, be more considerate to them. Don't think that they are bothersome when they nag at you. They do it because they care for you. For those who are not staying with your parents, make a trip back and visit them more often.
I can feel and see that my parents are extremely happy when I go back and stay even for a few days. Similarly, I can see the disappointment clearly written on their face when I have to tell them that I ahve to go be back to Singapore. My heart wrenches when I know that my father took leave off to accompany me only to know that I have to go back to Singapore on the very first day of his leave. I'm sorry.... I'm very sorry.. I don't know how I can ever repay what my parents did for me, other then to live meaningfully. But deep in my heart, I know that it is just not enough. Nothing is ever enough.
I still can remember when I was around 7 years old. I was very sick, high fever, no appetite, no strength to walk. It was past mid-night, my area was not very developed, 24 hours clinic was not available. My father tried to make me feel better by carrying me, walking around and talking softly to me until I fell asleep. Even when I was an adult, the care from my parents never cease.
I was in uni hostel, I had high fever... so much so that I felt light headed and fall down when I was standing. I do not want parents to worry so I did not tell them, but they called and found out I was very sick. On that very same night, they drove over and fetch me back so they can take care of me. My mum even took leave to take care of me.
Me and my brothers are in singapore working and studying. My parents are afraid that we do not get good food to eat. Hence, every Sunday, my mum will wake up at 5.30am to cook fish, my father will make carrot juice. Then they will drive over with other fruits, biscuits, and other basic necessities. I feel bad when I see my parents and they have the tire look in their eyes. I feel even worse when their tiredness are quickly washed away when they see me and my brothers. I swear I will take every opportunity to go back and visit them whenever I can.
I can never repay what they did for me, ever......
Sigh.. things will be much more simple if humans are without emotion. But then, it will be a sad thing too. nothing can ever be perfect
Thursday, February 15, 2007
group bad luck
I always have bad luck with groups. And it seems that it is not about to stop now. Though previous times,.. the end result was good.
This time, my Final Year Project group went to do
research on potential topics,
emailed professors,
made phone calls to professors,
made appointment with professors ,
knocked on professors' door many times (most of the time professors not in),
Discussed topics with professors,
listen to professors' counter proposal,
Analysed each professor and their topic,
Decided on professor and topic
Went to talk to him again
confirmed with him that we are doing with him
happily go to register on website
Only to find an email from the professors after few days telling us that he promised another group beforehand...
And we rejected another good professor already... now left nowhere... WTF!!!!!!!!!!!
This time, my Final Year Project group went to do
research on potential topics,
emailed professors,
made phone calls to professors,
made appointment with professors ,
knocked on professors' door many times (most of the time professors not in),
Discussed topics with professors,
listen to professors' counter proposal,
Analysed each professor and their topic,
Decided on professor and topic
Went to talk to him again
confirmed with him that we are doing with him
happily go to register on website
Only to find an email from the professors after few days telling us that he promised another group beforehand...
And we rejected another good professor already... now left nowhere... WTF!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Professor mind set?
How will you define a hard question?
Is it a question that need a clear understanding of what was taught?
or is it the professors' idea of questions that involve things that were not taught at all?
THAT is the whole problem. Ever since last semester, it is a frustrating experience when attempting to do tutorials. There will be terms, methods, relationships etc that students were not taught.
Then the professor will come happily for seminar and give a lecture. After that, he will discuss the previous tutorial of previous lecture. When he was explaining a hard question that students cannot do, he will say some things that make students feel even worse .Eg: 'eh? why you cannot do? but I just mentioned in the lecture just now.' Got the point? a tutorial which was supposed to be based on previous week's lecture, have concepts that were only taught in this week.
The worst thing is that there will always be some mysterious creature (definitely not human) who will be able to obtain a solution to the questions.
URGH!!!!! damn it. I may have to execute my own study style and quit following what others are doing... sigh.....
Is it a question that need a clear understanding of what was taught?
or is it the professors' idea of questions that involve things that were not taught at all?
THAT is the whole problem. Ever since last semester, it is a frustrating experience when attempting to do tutorials. There will be terms, methods, relationships etc that students were not taught.
Then the professor will come happily for seminar and give a lecture. After that, he will discuss the previous tutorial of previous lecture. When he was explaining a hard question that students cannot do, he will say some things that make students feel even worse .Eg: 'eh? why you cannot do? but I just mentioned in the lecture just now.' Got the point? a tutorial which was supposed to be based on previous week's lecture, have concepts that were only taught in this week.
The worst thing is that there will always be some mysterious creature (definitely not human) who will be able to obtain a solution to the questions.
URGH!!!!! damn it. I may have to execute my own study style and quit following what others are doing... sigh.....
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Path of torture
Yes indeed. I walked the path that few take. (reminds me of English literature, Form 5, haha....)
Carrot juice at dinner +
5 banana after dinner +
jogging with ankle weights
= ?
A smelly business.
A disaster when you not near a toilet (or a bush, depends on where you are or rather, what time period you are from.. hehe)
Hell, when you are in a civilised country with many people around and toilet are nowhere in sight.
For those who know the place, it is from SRC NTU to Jurong West sports complex. That will be known to me as path of torture from now on..
It is another test of mental (and bowel) strength.
It is a battle between temptation and sanity
It is a ultimate test of civilisation
It is
.
.
.
(and the list goes on :P)
Well, I made it back thru self-hypnotize..
'I am nothing
'since I am nothing, I cannot feel anything'
Ah well, enough of it already. Hope there will not be a third experience for me
Carrot juice at dinner +
5 banana after dinner +
jogging with ankle weights
= ?
A smelly business.
A disaster when you not near a toilet (or a bush, depends on where you are or rather, what time period you are from.. hehe)
Hell, when you are in a civilised country with many people around and toilet are nowhere in sight.
For those who know the place, it is from SRC NTU to Jurong West sports complex. That will be known to me as path of torture from now on..
It is another test of mental (and bowel) strength.
It is a battle between temptation and sanity
It is a ultimate test of civilisation
It is
.
.
.
(and the list goes on :P)
Well, I made it back thru self-hypnotize..
'I am nothing
'since I am nothing, I cannot feel anything'
Ah well, enough of it already. Hope there will not be a third experience for me
Friday, January 26, 2007
Professional Attachment
It is the period where business and accountancy second year student have to register for professional attachment.
I was happily logging onto the system thinking of all the big and famous insurance firm that will be available for application.
Alas!!! to my disappointment, there is only one major insurance company-Great Eastern. The other companies are not really related to actuarial science. And we were asked to apply for Great Eastern before. The responses that some students received were of positions not related to actuarial science too. This leads me to think that many people do not really know what actuarial science is all about. That includes people from career services (because they got those companies for actuarial science).
Furthermore, I noticed discrimination against foreigners by companies or organisations. They put requirement as "Singaporeans only" or "Singaporeans and PRs only" (which don't make much difference since students rarely are able to get PRs). Well, I shall not name those companies or organisation. So there is 2 more group of positions that is not available to me.
On further checking, there is an European company that offers many positions for actuarial students. However, 1/3 of the positions needs people who are willing to work European hours. If I take the position, I will be working from 9pm to 1 or 3 am. It will be a suicide for people who sleep early, like me.
Sigh..... what to do? what to do.......
I was happily logging onto the system thinking of all the big and famous insurance firm that will be available for application.
Alas!!! to my disappointment, there is only one major insurance company-Great Eastern. The other companies are not really related to actuarial science. And we were asked to apply for Great Eastern before. The responses that some students received were of positions not related to actuarial science too. This leads me to think that many people do not really know what actuarial science is all about. That includes people from career services (because they got those companies for actuarial science).
Furthermore, I noticed discrimination against foreigners by companies or organisations. They put requirement as "Singaporeans only" or "Singaporeans and PRs only" (which don't make much difference since students rarely are able to get PRs). Well, I shall not name those companies or organisation. So there is 2 more group of positions that is not available to me.
On further checking, there is an European company that offers many positions for actuarial students. However, 1/3 of the positions needs people who are willing to work European hours. If I take the position, I will be working from 9pm to 1 or 3 am. It will be a suicide for people who sleep early, like me.
Sigh..... what to do? what to do.......
Monday, January 22, 2007
busy busy busy
Icannot believe it. Ｉ ｈａｖｅ ｏｎｅ ｏｆ ｔｈｅ ｌｅａｓｔ ｓｕｂｊｅｃｔｓ ａｎｄ ｙｅｔ I have one of the longest study hours.
Been doing tutorials all the time... Survival and stochastic together in one sem is really crazy...
Starting to get used to survival. But stochastics still make me have headache.. It is like a totally different language that I do not understand. haih..
Been doing tutorials all the time... Survival and stochastic together in one sem is really crazy...
Starting to get used to survival. But stochastics still make me have headache.. It is like a totally different language that I do not understand. haih..
Friday, January 19, 2007
more cons of HDB
It is quite eerie. There are so many funerals going on around my place. One just concluded last night. Then tonight there is another one just under me, 5 floor under me.
I think I must have seen around 6 funerals that was carried out.
The worst is, it is just the tip of the ice berg. This is because I can only observe funerals carried out in taoist style. So, there are actually much more deaths around here, deaths concerning Muslims or Christians or other religion that does not carry out their funeral at open spaces around my block.
.. Brrrr..... better stop now....
I think I must have seen around 6 funerals that was carried out.
The worst is, it is just the tip of the ice berg. This is because I can only observe funerals carried out in taoist style. So, there are actually much more deaths around here, deaths concerning Muslims or Christians or other religion that does not carry out their funeral at open spaces around my block.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
My head.. oh my head....
I am being plague by dizziness. It happened few days ago.
Well,initially it was quite fun. However as time progress, I found out that it shows no sign of going away. To make matter worse, it seems to be constant dizziness. Maybe I should consult the doctor someday soon.
now it is even harder for me to do survival and stochastic which needs full concentration. sigh. so troublesome.
Hm.. how does my dizziness feels. Well, it is not associated much with motion. It seems to be more like feeling of head expanding. How I wish that is really the case. Then I would be able to handle my course with ease.
Well,initially it was quite fun. However as time progress, I found out that it shows no sign of going away. To make matter worse, it seems to be constant dizziness. Maybe I should consult the doctor someday soon.
now it is even harder for me to do survival and stochastic which needs full concentration. sigh. so troublesome.
Hm.. how does my dizziness feels. Well, it is not associated much with motion. It seems to be more like feeling of head expanding. How I wish that is really the case. Then I would be able to handle my course with ease.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Actuarial in NTU = suicide
Here I am at the start of a new semester. Well, students will normally have a easy start at the beginning of the semester.
However, not the case for actuarial course. Up till now (which is just the first week) I have 2 lectures that I have to switch to blur mode. Got some idea after reading many times thru Survival Modelling. As for Stochastic, it is like aids.. very deadly. Of course, you'll have the ppl in class who will still tops and do tutorial when lecture is on. Unfortunately, not me.
Seems like I always have a tendency to commit suicide. When I exercise (swimming, jogging) I tend to over-exert myself to the point of breaking. I may have gone too far in my suicide attempt this time by taking this course.
Will I be able to survive this semester? If I can, I wil survive anything. If not, it will spell disaster for me which is comparable to "The Day After Tomorrow".
However, not the case for actuarial course. Up till now (which is just the first week) I have 2 lectures that I have to switch to blur mode. Got some idea after reading many times thru Survival Modelling. As for Stochastic, it is like aids.. very deadly. Of course, you'll have the ppl in class who will still tops and do tutorial when lecture is on. Unfortunately, not me.
Seems like I always have a tendency to commit suicide. When I exercise (swimming, jogging) I tend to over-exert myself to the point of breaking. I may have gone too far in my suicide attempt this time by taking this course.
Will I be able to survive this semester? If I can, I wil survive anything. If not, it will spell disaster for me which is comparable to "The Day After Tomorrow".
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
year of bad luck
First there was the bloody Survival Modelling seminar. The 70 years old tutor managed to get almost 90% of the class to be blur/confused/blank. He contradicted himself on numerous occasion and pass off confusing parts (at least for me) with the words "you know"
Then had to do an assignment in 24hours. Just before I check the question, my computer had a performance of a total crash. Nothing can bo done to save it anymore.. poor thing.
And with no question and no computer to do the assignment, I turned to my brothers' place for divine intervention.
Well, tried to figure out what was wrong with my computer. In the process of testing, my computer burnt my brother's graphics card.
Test result:
Graphics card functional
Hard disc mildly fucntional
Power supply packs a punch to kill ppl ( OK)
for those who don't know computer, cd-rom, dvd-rom or floppy disc have nothing much to do with the main system. So did not bother checking those.
Turns out that the problem lies with mother board or CPU. Conclusion, most probably mother board is overdue.
And so, my graphics card went to my brother as compensation. What was left of my com was left there as decoration. And I took a laptop back to use. Well, it belongs to my brother's gf. Technically, still my brother's because he bought it.. hm.. ah well. Brother buying another one soon for me so I use this one temporary.
Found out that lap tops are generally much more slower and retarded compared to desk top.
I tell you, the year of 2007 is the year of bad luck. The devils are coming to wreak havoc!!!! ROAR!!!!!!!
Then had to do an assignment in 24hours. Just before I check the question, my computer had a performance of a total crash. Nothing can bo done to save it anymore.. poor thing.
And with no question and no computer to do the assignment, I turned to my brothers' place for divine intervention.
Well, tried to figure out what was wrong with my computer. In the process of testing, my computer burnt my brother's graphics card.
Test result:
Graphics card functional
Hard disc mildly fucntional
Power supply packs a punch to kill ppl ( OK)
for those who don't know computer, cd-rom, dvd-rom or floppy disc have nothing much to do with the main system. So did not bother checking those.
Turns out that the problem lies with mother board or CPU. Conclusion, most probably mother board is overdue.
And so, my graphics card went to my brother as compensation. What was left of my com was left there as decoration. And I took a laptop back to use. Well, it belongs to my brother's gf. Technically, still my brother's because he bought it.. hm.. ah well. Brother buying another one soon for me so I use this one temporary.
Found out that lap tops are generally much more slower and retarded compared to desk top.
I tell you, the year of 2007 is the year of bad luck. The devils are coming to wreak havoc!!!! ROAR!!!!!!!
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Ranting of lonely person
I was told by many people, especially family members and relatives that I am a very independent person. A person who can take care of myself.
They said it as if it is a very good thing.
I should be happy, but why is there something in my heart tugging?
Since small, I think I am sort of left out. My brothers were closer in age, so they mingle better together. They play a lot of games together. On the other hand, I was the sickly one. That was one of the reason why parents doted on me more I guess, which makes it even worse. I was always in a fight with my brothers when I was small. I never knew where the passion for it came from. Well, I was mostly the one who suffer injuries. Hell, our fights even made mom so frustrated that she cried.
My two brothers went to primary school. There are 6 years in primary school. Well, as my brothers are closer in age, they spent more time together, going to school and coming back home. At that time there were 2 sessions, morning and afternoon. I seems to be on the wrong side of the session for the most of my primary school education.
I was a timid guy and very dependent in lower primary. Afraid of communicating with strangers. Low confidence in myself. I hated to go to primary school so much that I was having stress behaviour like stomatche pain when in school, even got a gastric attack once.
Got better after a while. I started to get used to life in primary school and got into quite a few fights with classmates. I remembered causing blue black on the face of one, and on the stomache of the other. All the people involved were taken to the office (obviously). Fortunately, we were let off easily because we were in the first class.
when I was primary 6, Mum started to work. Food was catered for lunch. At this time, I was in morning session, while my brothers were in the afternoon session and in the same class. So I basically spent the whole afternoon alone at home. Luckily there were afternoon tuition sessions in school for most of the time.
To be frank, I was a coward. However, it faded as I experience numerous thunderstorm where blackout occur. Haha.. there is no one to turn to for comfort. When such blackout occur, I would light a candle and cuddle my knees in one corner and waited.. and light another candle,.. and waited.. till thunderstorm was over or parents came back.
Maybe this is the reason why I had the dream where I was hit by lightning, which happen many times and becomes more vivid each time. I still remember it, hard not to when it haunts my rainy days. The location was front yard of my house.
The first time, it hit me when I was looking down, I see nothing much just feel numb all over.
Second time, I saw some light and then numb
.
.
.
The last and final time is me looking up into the sky as the lightning came down on me. I see the colour very clearly now, white with purple and some red, pretty.. Then I was laying down. Slowly losing conciousness...
This reminds me of another dream that I had. I was in a place where everything was crazy... Wanted to breath but cannot breath (wouldn't die though). People were all naked, in some sort of transparent tube being sent off to space. I can see people are crying, but the sound they made was of laughter. It is the feeling of doom but there is nothing anyone can do about it.
This is the dream that I always had when I take afternoon nap when I was small (small kid having afternoon nap is very normal). Thus, I try to keep awake even when I was very tire. I will not take a nap even when I was made to lay down on bed with mum patting me (this happen before primary school).
How I wish I can sleep then. However I know that I will keep having that dream. The worst part is that even when I woke up and sitting on sofa, I will still be in a daze, mentally replaying the dream over and over and over again. I was feeling so helpless, lonely, feeling that there is no one to turn to for help, that no one understands.
Secondary school.
I was so happy when I completed my primary school education. I wanted to go to the same school with my brothers and have fun.
Well, it seems that luck was not with me. It appears that the principle of my brothers' sec school rejected all application of chinese students. I have to go to another school which was about half an hour away by car while my brothers only need to take 5 minutes walk to school.
And so it began again. Me going to school while they come back. We don't meet during the day time because I had to leave earlier as my school is further. I tried to live with it. It got so bad that I loathe to go home. Especially after my brothers went to singapore to study and I was still in secondary school.
When I was form 5, I got my driving license. So I drove the old car to school alone. After school, I would frequently drive around in circles and drive slow, or stay at friend's place. I didn't want to go home because I know that there is no one at home, only the cold empty house.
JC
Stress in JC is impossible. I faced my biggest challenge. I started to like ice-cream. I could eat the whole tube myself, just digging the spoon into it again and again. I would take walk around the campus at night, wandering around just feeling the air blowing.
Finally, I broke down. on the night of concert, I did not go back to hostel together with other friends. I had to find a place to hid myself. I went to my brother's place to stay over. It was a saturday night.
On Sunday, parents came over to visit. I tried to talk so that I can get the stress out of me. I was scolded at when my father found such weakness in me. I sought comfort, and failed again.
I was basically like a zombie then, just trying to get back to my room in hall. I HAD to do something. something to take my mind off my problems. I did something crazy. That was when I SHAVED totally BALD!!
Friends and teachers asked me if I am alright. I just smiled. Could I seek comfort and understanding from them? I did not know. I lost confidence in that already.
So, I started to keep things to myself. All my problems have to be solved by myself. I became a habit. So much so that even when I got sick, got badly injured, I still am independent.
How can I forget the pain when I cleaned my wound on my eye brow, a result of imflammation from insect bite. there was basically a hole in the not so thick skin of my forehead.
How can I forget the night when I limped from SRC to the new hall 3. I didn't know how serious my injury was at that time. I was just thinking to myself that I must get myself beck to my room no matter what. After that? 2 weeks where I was unable to walk well. I even skipped 1 week class.
So I am independent. It is a good thing yes, but also lonely too.
I like to read story books, it kept my mind off reality.
I like to listen to radio, especially when dee jay is talking, it makes me less lonely.
I like to exercise, it helps to relieve stress.
I meditate to calm myself.
I still eat some ice-cream (though trying to decrease it, getting out of shape).
Sigh... for a better tomorrow.... tomorrow...
They said it as if it is a very good thing.
I should be happy, but why is there something in my heart tugging?
Since small, I think I am sort of left out. My brothers were closer in age, so they mingle better together. They play a lot of games together. On the other hand, I was the sickly one. That was one of the reason why parents doted on me more I guess, which makes it even worse. I was always in a fight with my brothers when I was small. I never knew where the passion for it came from. Well, I was mostly the one who suffer injuries. Hell, our fights even made mom so frustrated that she cried.
My two brothers went to primary school. There are 6 years in primary school. Well, as my brothers are closer in age, they spent more time together, going to school and coming back home. At that time there were 2 sessions, morning and afternoon. I seems to be on the wrong side of the session for the most of my primary school education.
I was a timid guy and very dependent in lower primary. Afraid of communicating with strangers. Low confidence in myself. I hated to go to primary school so much that I was having stress behaviour like stomatche pain when in school, even got a gastric attack once.
Got better after a while. I started to get used to life in primary school and got into quite a few fights with classmates. I remembered causing blue black on the face of one, and on the stomache of the other. All the people involved were taken to the office (obviously). Fortunately, we were let off easily because we were in the first class.
when I was primary 6, Mum started to work. Food was catered for lunch. At this time, I was in morning session, while my brothers were in the afternoon session and in the same class. So I basically spent the whole afternoon alone at home. Luckily there were afternoon tuition sessions in school for most of the time.
To be frank, I was a coward. However, it faded as I experience numerous thunderstorm where blackout occur. Haha.. there is no one to turn to for comfort. When such blackout occur, I would light a candle and cuddle my knees in one corner and waited.. and light another candle,.. and waited.. till thunderstorm was over or parents came back.
Maybe this is the reason why I had the dream where I was hit by lightning, which happen many times and becomes more vivid each time. I still remember it, hard not to when it haunts my rainy days. The location was front yard of my house.
The first time, it hit me when I was looking down, I see nothing much just feel numb all over.
Second time, I saw some light and then numb
.
.
.
The last and final time is me looking up into the sky as the lightning came down on me. I see the colour very clearly now, white with purple and some red, pretty.. Then I was laying down. Slowly losing conciousness...
This reminds me of another dream that I had. I was in a place where everything was crazy... Wanted to breath but cannot breath (wouldn't die though). People were all naked, in some sort of transparent tube being sent off to space. I can see people are crying, but the sound they made was of laughter. It is the feeling of doom but there is nothing anyone can do about it.
This is the dream that I always had when I take afternoon nap when I was small (small kid having afternoon nap is very normal). Thus, I try to keep awake even when I was very tire. I will not take a nap even when I was made to lay down on bed with mum patting me (this happen before primary school).
How I wish I can sleep then. However I know that I will keep having that dream. The worst part is that even when I woke up and sitting on sofa, I will still be in a daze, mentally replaying the dream over and over and over again. I was feeling so helpless, lonely, feeling that there is no one to turn to for help, that no one understands.
Secondary school.
I was so happy when I completed my primary school education. I wanted to go to the same school with my brothers and have fun.
Well, it seems that luck was not with me. It appears that the principle of my brothers' sec school rejected all application of chinese students. I have to go to another school which was about half an hour away by car while my brothers only need to take 5 minutes walk to school.
And so it began again. Me going to school while they come back. We don't meet during the day time because I had to leave earlier as my school is further. I tried to live with it. It got so bad that I loathe to go home. Especially after my brothers went to singapore to study and I was still in secondary school.
When I was form 5, I got my driving license. So I drove the old car to school alone. After school, I would frequently drive around in circles and drive slow, or stay at friend's place. I didn't want to go home because I know that there is no one at home, only the cold empty house.
JC
Stress in JC is impossible. I faced my biggest challenge. I started to like ice-cream. I could eat the whole tube myself, just digging the spoon into it again and again. I would take walk around the campus at night, wandering around just feeling the air blowing.
Finally, I broke down. on the night of concert, I did not go back to hostel together with other friends. I had to find a place to hid myself. I went to my brother's place to stay over. It was a saturday night.
On Sunday, parents came over to visit. I tried to talk so that I can get the stress out of me. I was scolded at when my father found such weakness in me. I sought comfort, and failed again.
I was basically like a zombie then, just trying to get back to my room in hall. I HAD to do something. something to take my mind off my problems. I did something crazy. That was when I SHAVED totally BALD!!
Friends and teachers asked me if I am alright. I just smiled. Could I seek comfort and understanding from them? I did not know. I lost confidence in that already.
So, I started to keep things to myself. All my problems have to be solved by myself. I became a habit. So much so that even when I got sick, got badly injured, I still am independent.
How can I forget the pain when I cleaned my wound on my eye brow, a result of imflammation from insect bite. there was basically a hole in the not so thick skin of my forehead.
How can I forget the night when I limped from SRC to the new hall 3. I didn't know how serious my injury was at that time. I was just thinking to myself that I must get myself beck to my room no matter what. After that? 2 weeks where I was unable to walk well. I even skipped 1 week class.
So I am independent. It is a good thing yes, but also lonely too.
I like to read story books, it kept my mind off reality.
I like to listen to radio, especially when dee jay is talking, it makes me less lonely.
I like to exercise, it helps to relieve stress.
I meditate to calm myself.
I still eat some ice-cream (though trying to decrease it, getting out of shape).
Sigh... for a better tomorrow.... tomorrow...
Saturday, January 06, 2007
ideal life
I had a most wonderful moment today..
It was in the afternoon,
The sun was bright but not hot
The air was slightly cool
The sky was bright blue
The wind was blowing gently
And I was just lazing on the leather sofa
Staring out at the sky
With the wind gently caressing my face
Oh, how the memory lingers....
It was in the afternoon,
The sun was bright but not hot
The air was slightly cool
The sky was bright blue
The wind was blowing gently
And I was just lazing on the leather sofa
Staring out at the sky
With the wind gently caressing my face
Oh, how the memory lingers....
Friday, January 05, 2007
Monday, January 01, 2007
Singaporeans
Here are some of the things that they tell you about Singaporeans.
1. Singaporeans are very well mannered.
If so, why the hell they have courtesy campaign, why do I see Singapore car drive on road shoulder and try to cut lane in front of me (which of course he failed, thanks to my superb driving skill and the car full of people. Well, they are still afraid when in Malaysia)
And need I mention the frequent occurances of ill-mannered behavior at public transport? The throng of Kiasu ppl who don even want to let passengers get of mrt. What is saddening is that some parents are doing it with their children. Make a guess. What would be future generation like?
And the seemingly very tire ppl in mrt that seldom have the heart to give up their seat to ppl in need. It is even more maddening when it involves strong, healthy ppl, aka teenagers.
2. Singapore is a very clean country.
I have on many occasions, witnessed people from all walks of life (race, age, etc), being very creative by making a rubbish bin of everything, be it pavement, grass, sand, drainage, public transport.........
There is once I was behind 2 malay boy. My guess is they are in primary school. They were very happy, chatting away, laughing... All these seems fine, until one of them start to tear apart the set of newspaper he is holding, and slowly throw bits and pieces of them as he walk.
Just to be fair, race is not determining factor. I just saw a chinese opening up wrappers of sth that he bought, while walking towards bus stop. He did not even bother to throw them into dustbins which are situated at the bus stop.
Maybe they just hates the pavement, some old grudge when they were small, where they fall down on the pavement.. haha...
Well, there are many more out there who are not like that, fortunately. But It seems that more and more people are becoming more selfish. Many things in Singapore are also taken for granted.
The cleanliness that was the pride of Singapore, is the hardwork of legions of foreign workers, who cleaned the place, not to make it clean, but so that it don't look too dirty. Yes, the littering is that bad.. sigh...
The chance to learn Chinese is not given its deserved appreciation. I remembered that my secondary school in Johore actually discouraged Chinese to take Chinese language paper. We had to attend classes outside school hours and our Chinese language teacher keeps changing. We even have to source for our own teacher.
Ah well, I suddenly wanted to write all these after reading Heah's blog. haha.. He is so hardworking in updating his blog.
1. Singaporeans are very well mannered.
If so, why the hell they have courtesy campaign, why do I see Singapore car drive on road shoulder and try to cut lane in front of me (which of course he failed, thanks to my superb driving skill and the car full of people. Well, they are still afraid when in Malaysia)
And need I mention the frequent occurances of ill-mannered behavior at public transport? The throng of Kiasu ppl who don even want to let passengers get of mrt. What is saddening is that some parents are doing it with their children. Make a guess. What would be future generation like?
And the seemingly very tire ppl in mrt that seldom have the heart to give up their seat to ppl in need. It is even more maddening when it involves strong, healthy ppl, aka teenagers.
2. Singapore is a very clean country.
I have on many occasions, witnessed people from all walks of life (race, age, etc), being very creative by making a rubbish bin of everything, be it pavement, grass, sand, drainage, public transport.........
There is once I was behind 2 malay boy. My guess is they are in primary school. They were very happy, chatting away, laughing... All these seems fine, until one of them start to tear apart the set of newspaper he is holding, and slowly throw bits and pieces of them as he walk.
Just to be fair, race is not determining factor. I just saw a chinese opening up wrappers of sth that he bought, while walking towards bus stop. He did not even bother to throw them into dustbins which are situated at the bus stop.
Maybe they just hates the pavement, some old grudge when they were small, where they fall down on the pavement.. haha...
Well, there are many more out there who are not like that, fortunately. But It seems that more and more people are becoming more selfish. Many things in Singapore are also taken for granted.
The cleanliness that was the pride of Singapore, is the hardwork of legions of foreign workers, who cleaned the place, not to make it clean, but so that it don't look too dirty. Yes, the littering is that bad.. sigh...
The chance to learn Chinese is not given its deserved appreciation. I remembered that my secondary school in Johore actually discouraged Chinese to take Chinese language paper. We had to attend classes outside school hours and our Chinese language teacher keeps changing. We even have to source for our own teacher.
Ah well, I suddenly wanted to write all these after reading Heah's blog. haha.. He is so hardworking in updating his blog.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
result out
sigh.. result is out. And I have to check it in the uncomfort of a cyber cafe near my house in Johore. Can't say that the result is fabulous but it had to be enough. Ah well, at least I am not in the category where I will be forced to change course. Yup. Survival yet again.
Stochastic, KILL ME SOON!!!!!!!!!
Stochastic, KILL ME SOON!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Last paper, Last paper, Let it be over....
SIEN... SIEN... SIEN...
Some people already finish exam and celebrating. I still have one more paper tomorrow. haih...
To add salt to wound, some of my previous papers are less than satisfactory. Sigh.. Hope that the adjustment will help to pull up mr grades a bit.
Exam Exam come come.. come to papa...
Some people already finish exam and celebrating. I still have one more paper tomorrow. haih...
To add salt to wound, some of my previous papers are less than satisfactory. Sigh.. Hope that the adjustment will help to pull up mr grades a bit.
Exam Exam come come.. come to papa...
Friday, November 24, 2006
Photos from my phone.
For quite some time, cannot upload photos from my phone because my brother took away my blue tooth device for my desktop
Then, now I transfer it to PDA via bluetooth. then use cable to download from PDA to my desktop. One big round.
so here it is, this is the one that happen last year in my hall room. It crawled into my room. Tasty huh? (notice the size)
Handsome guy.. :P
My lil cousin sis, this taken lats year 19th september, her birthday. Now she taller and still so skinny.. haha
These, costs me S$40. Just tried them out just now. Wonderful workout I say. Though now only use half of the weights. Which is 2.5 lbs or 1.135 kg. Gonna increase as time goes by.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
FIND THE WAY
This is a very nice song. The video is on Gundam Seed. If watched gundam seed before, the song mroe meaningful. But it is still nice without the video. Enjoy..
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
one, two; one, two; one, two;
suddenly have the urge to jog. they urge struck at around 9pm. Tried unsuccessfully to invite siew kee along too.
So I went on a solo mission. A mission that will never end.. until.... (answer known at the end)
Well, went jogging from my place to university. University is my best choice to jog. The reasons are:
1. Not many cars
2. Unbroken tracks for a long time
3. fresher air
4. a lot of trees around (no pinang tree... fortunately)
5. Well, who knows, you might get lucky and get a glimpse of chio bu or leng chai or even siao sports car.
The journey:
university, to hall 12,13; turn before NIE; align target to src; reach src; proceed to do 2.4km.
Of course, there are rests in between, else I will die long ago.
Sadly, my 2.4 can only do in 15 minutes.. sigh.. long gone the days of 12 minutes.
After that, thought of continue to do some sprints. Alas, my muscle failed me.. sigh... control of my legs are affected somewhat.. no choice, have to go back already.
The journey back was part walk, part jog.
Reached room at around 10.50pm. Gosh.. and I used the stairs.. no wonder I feel dead.. so dead.. Tomorrow will be a painful day.. wahahaha
So I went on a solo mission. A mission that will never end.. until.... (answer known at the end)
Well, went jogging from my place to university. University is my best choice to jog. The reasons are:
1. Not many cars
2. Unbroken tracks for a long time
3. fresher air
4. a lot of trees around (no pinang tree... fortunately)
5. Well, who knows, you might get lucky and get a glimpse of chio bu or leng chai or even siao sports car.
The journey:
university, to hall 12,13; turn before NIE; align target to src; reach src; proceed to do 2.4km.
Of course, there are rests in between, else I will die long ago.
Sadly, my 2.4 can only do in 15 minutes.. sigh.. long gone the days of 12 minutes.
After that, thought of continue to do some sprints. Alas, my muscle failed me.. sigh... control of my legs are affected somewhat.. no choice, have to go back already.
The journey back was part walk, part jog.
Reached room at around 10.50pm. Gosh.. and I used the stairs.. no wonder I feel dead.. so dead.. Tomorrow will be a painful day.. wahahaha
Walk down the street
One fine wednesday night.
The breeze was cool after the rain.
I was happily walking back after buying bread.
As I pass by the food court, I noticed that there is some one laying down on the floor, opposite the food court.
I approach the person.
Initially, I thought that it must be some uncle sleeping on the floor.
Then when I was nearer, I noticed that it is a lady. Complete with hand bag and things that she bought.
I quicken my pace, thinking she may have fainted or sth.
Was wondering why is everybody avoiding her..
When I was about to reach her, I heard a loud sobbing sound from her.
out of my mind, images of people who are of not sound mind, flashes in my mind.
I had met some in the country, don't really want to meet more.
Hesitated whether to help or not.
Then, she slowly sat up.
Hm.. looks all fine to me. except that she is sobbing very loud now.
Walked pass the road.
Feel uneasy, decided to observe the lady to see if she will be ok.
She got up unsteadily, and started to walk.
The way she walk is not normal, like people who suffered stroke and recovered but with some effect on movement.
She sat down on stairs, took out handphone and make a call.
concluded that she was of sound mind, maybe just cannot get over her newly found "disability".
She cried for a while more, wipe away tears, got up.
Waited to cross the road, crossed the road and head towards Hdb flat.
That is when I decided to continue my walk back.
Sad world. firstly because there are people who have to suffer like that.
Secondly, of the people around the food court who just look at the whole incident like normal occurance.
thirdly, of those people who is watching free show, entertainment..
fourth, for my doubt in helping her... sigh....
The breeze was cool after the rain.
I was happily walking back after buying bread.
As I pass by the food court, I noticed that there is some one laying down on the floor, opposite the food court.
I approach the person.
Initially, I thought that it must be some uncle sleeping on the floor.
Then when I was nearer, I noticed that it is a lady. Complete with hand bag and things that she bought.
I quicken my pace, thinking she may have fainted or sth.
Was wondering why is everybody avoiding her..
When I was about to reach her, I heard a loud sobbing sound from her.
out of my mind, images of people who are of not sound mind, flashes in my mind.
I had met some in the country, don't really want to meet more.
Hesitated whether to help or not.
Then, she slowly sat up.
Hm.. looks all fine to me. except that she is sobbing very loud now.
Walked pass the road.
Feel uneasy, decided to observe the lady to see if she will be ok.
She got up unsteadily, and started to walk.
The way she walk is not normal, like people who suffered stroke and recovered but with some effect on movement.
She sat down on stairs, took out handphone and make a call.
concluded that she was of sound mind, maybe just cannot get over her newly found "disability".
She cried for a while more, wipe away tears, got up.
Waited to cross the road, crossed the road and head towards Hdb flat.
That is when I decided to continue my walk back.
Sad world. firstly because there are people who have to suffer like that.
Secondly, of the people around the food court who just look at the whole incident like normal occurance.
thirdly, of those people who is watching free show, entertainment..
fourth, for my doubt in helping her... sigh....
Monday, November 20, 2006
Have you ever wonder
Here we are, studying like mad for exams. After that will be working hard to save money.
Then if lucky, meet suitable partner, get married, have family.
Then work even harder to feed more mouth and education of children.
Then after what seems like decade, children all grown up. They go to other place to study or work. Now all alone again. All the amount of time, effort and money invested in children, but they are leaving you.
Retire, if lucky go do some travelling.
Body failing, getting old.
Dead.
This, is still the more optimistic version. The main assumption is death don come anywhere in between. Come on, life should be more interesting and meaningful then this, no? Maybe because I have time to reflect after my grandpa passed away. I found out that, life is boring.
I think too much, and in the middle of exams.. haha.. ah well...
What about you? do you really know what you want? not just in the short term, but for your whole life. What do you want to achieve for the period that you are able to speak, work, travel....?
Then if lucky, meet suitable partner, get married, have family.
Then work even harder to feed more mouth and education of children.
Then after what seems like decade, children all grown up. They go to other place to study or work. Now all alone again. All the amount of time, effort and money invested in children, but they are leaving you.
Retire, if lucky go do some travelling.
Body failing, getting old.
Dead.
This, is still the more optimistic version. The main assumption is death don come anywhere in between. Come on, life should be more interesting and meaningful then this, no? Maybe because I have time to reflect after my grandpa passed away. I found out that, life is boring.
I think too much, and in the middle of exams.. haha.. ah well...
What about you? do you really know what you want? not just in the short term, but for your whole life. What do you want to achieve for the period that you are able to speak, work, travel....?
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
that feeling again
Yes, I am feeling it again
The feeling that will cause people to reduce effeciency.
The feeling that makes people to be in a lost of what to do.
The feeling that causes a person to be glum
All because of a movie that I watched.. haih...
the sad-love story.
korean movie 'a moment to remember'
Just great. Exams just 2 days away and I don feel like studying now..
I want to go jogging to forget that feeling. However, the slight pain from my right shoulder reminded me that I need to restrain from exercising.. haih.... I accidently pulled the muscle of my right shoulder. Not even sure how it happens. So there goes my most useful destressing method.
Well, of course I have other destressing method.
- ICE-CREAM!!!!! (got one whole box in fridge.. ok ok , maybe not whole anymore but still 80% left)
- read stories (quite effective if it is a good story. I can spend hours and hours on it, but not very wise when I am short of time, such as when exam period, which is......... now.....)
- Beer ( yes, beer. wierd thing is, beer also serves to make me awake. I thought it is the other way around. hm.. oh well, I never was normal.. hehe)
- listen to radio (starting to get bored of it since my favorite DJs are on vacation for 2 weeks.. sigh...)
trying to remember some parts of business law.. haha.. in this case, exemption clause.
Ah well, I supposed I should get back to study.. haih....
The feeling that will cause people to reduce effeciency.
The feeling that makes people to be in a lost of what to do.
The feeling that causes a person to be glum
All because of a movie that I watched.. haih...
the sad-love story.
korean movie 'a moment to remember'
Just great. Exams just 2 days away and I don feel like studying now..
I want to go jogging to forget that feeling. However, the slight pain from my right shoulder reminded me that I need to restrain from exercising.. haih.... I accidently pulled the muscle of my right shoulder. Not even sure how it happens. So there goes my most useful destressing method.
Well, of course I have other destressing method.
- ICE-CREAM!!!!! (got one whole box in fridge.. ok ok , maybe not whole anymore but still 80% left)
- read stories (quite effective if it is a good story. I can spend hours and hours on it, but not very wise when I am short of time, such as when exam period, which is......... now.....)
- Beer ( yes, beer. wierd thing is, beer also serves to make me awake. I thought it is the other way around. hm.. oh well, I never was normal.. hehe)
- listen to radio (starting to get bored of it since my favorite DJs are on vacation for 2 weeks.. sigh...)
trying to remember some parts of business law.. haha.. in this case, exemption clause.
Ah well, I supposed I should get back to study.. haih....
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
joke from class 95 fm(adapted)
There was once a guy named William.
Since small, he was the person that teacher look for when they need students to help. They always say that he is the willing William. This is not so bad.
Then he joined the army and went for training. That is when his worst nightmare came...
During one live firing training, the instructor gave the command 'FIRE AT WILL!!!!'... and he fainted..
THE END
Since small, he was the person that teacher look for when they need students to help. They always say that he is the willing William. This is not so bad.
Then he joined the army and went for training. That is when his worst nightmare came...
During one live firing training, the instructor gave the command 'FIRE AT WILL!!!!'... and he fainted..
THE END
Exam coming SOON!!!!
Well maybe it is not so soon for some people but it is like half a month away only. The atmosphere is building up in school... Library extend opening hours, students studying so much tat I cannot find place to study in school = scary.
Oh well, the good thing is I got bored of world of warcraft. I always get bored of a game quite soon, and do not really feel like getting new game to play. ah well, more time to study and exercise then.
Oh ya, there is something about my house mate. One of them keep urinating on the seat cover. It is not so weird if it is a guy tat do that(well, guys with poor aim tend to do that), this however, is a girl. Damn her, make it so smelly. and the weird thing is, she pick the times that I will be first to use toilet after her, like when I have early class and she sleep late. ZZZZZzzzz......... I have no idea what she is doing. Meeting all kinds of interesting (aka weird) people.
And there is a girl who told me last week that her birthday was on monday. I chose to ignore that hint and now I have a new nick - 'irritating pig'. LOL. Wonder where that came from since I not really fat..
Oh well, the good thing is I got bored of world of warcraft. I always get bored of a game quite soon, and do not really feel like getting new game to play. ah well, more time to study and exercise then.
Oh ya, there is something about my house mate. One of them keep urinating on the seat cover. It is not so weird if it is a guy tat do that(well, guys with poor aim tend to do that), this however, is a girl. Damn her, make it so smelly. and the weird thing is, she pick the times that I will be first to use toilet after her, like when I have early class and she sleep late. ZZZZZzzzz......... I have no idea what she is doing. Meeting all kinds of interesting (aka weird) people.
And there is a girl who told me last week that her birthday was on monday. I chose to ignore that hint and now I have a new nick - 'irritating pig'. LOL. Wonder where that came from since I not really fat..
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
2nd funeral..
and counting..
Eventually, I will lost count of the number of funerals I attended.
I had a quiz on saturday afternoon. later in the evening, I received a call from father telling me to go to uncle's house. Uncle will fly back from KL and drive his family and me to KL on Sunday morning. It was said that Grandpa's condition is critical. All his organs are not fuctioning anymore. We were to go down and pay a visit to him maybe for the last time.
Sunday morning. After breakfast, we set off to KL from Singapore. We were not even out of Singapore when another telephone call came. Grandpa passed away... Not that it affect our plan very much cos everything was arranged and we were going back anyway. Yup, except that the intention now is different.
Grandma decided to have a lightning style of funeral. So on Sunday itself, people were called in to perform the rituals. The funeral was done according to taoist style.
We reached there in the late afternoon. Many ppl are there already, so too are my parents and my brother. The coffin is placed in front of the house and tents were built and extended to the road. There is a place on the side where offerings were being burnted
I was told to go cut my hair first because not allowed to cut hair for 3 months. So I went. After that, I bathed and changed into white cloths and black pants which was provided for by the funeral service ppl. I rested for a while in the room for the night is long.
In the evening, we take turns to eat dinner as some ppl must be present to continue doing the offerings and attend to ppl who came to pay last respect. Then, shifu (person who perform rituals), came. The immediate relatives gathered and we went into a series of kneeling, bowing, praying to different deity. I lost count of the number of times we performed the series of movement. this goes on from 7pm to past 3am with some small breaks in between. Along the way, some ppl cannot take it and have to drop out. The kids went to burning the offerings, while grandma just took a chair and sit down, observing the whole rituals. Kids slept at 12am.
The last of the rituals for the night is burning of paper car, paper house, paper servant, dead ppl's money, grandpa's clothes.... Initially we were holding hand in hand around the pile of offerings. But the fire prove too much for us and we have to stand much further back.
Then, the night ended.. most people went to sleep to get some rest before the rituals on monday. Sleep was near impossible for me. Went for walk, had tea with brother at 24 hours stall, continue burning offerings. lost count of time as we were not allowed to wear things like watch, necklance, earings..... later I slept for around 2 hours.
Morning came. Breakfast was ate hastily. Shifu came. Last respect was paid to grandpa. Some of grandpa's favorite things was put into the coffin. Coffin was sealed. Coffin was move out of the house compound. Prayers were offered. Coffined moved into coffin car. We boarded a bus to Tapah.
2 hours later...
reached Tapah, We came down of bus and walked behind the coffin car thru the town of Tapah.
Proceeded to burial grounds. Rested a while, have drink and some food. Coffin was lowered into the ground. Last rituals was performed. Each person took some soil and throw on top of coffin. We left without turning back...
Went to town of Tapah for lunch. Traveled back to House in seapark. Cleared the place of grandpa's belongings. offered jossstick to altar of grandpa. Went for dinner. All went for a good night's rest. THE END
All in all, everyone took it in stride. Including grandma. Everyone was expecting it to happen and have been prepared for it. However, some lost was felt from departure of grandpa.
Eventually, I will lost count of the number of funerals I attended.
I had a quiz on saturday afternoon. later in the evening, I received a call from father telling me to go to uncle's house. Uncle will fly back from KL and drive his family and me to KL on Sunday morning. It was said that Grandpa's condition is critical. All his organs are not fuctioning anymore. We were to go down and pay a visit to him maybe for the last time.
Sunday morning. After breakfast, we set off to KL from Singapore. We were not even out of Singapore when another telephone call came. Grandpa passed away... Not that it affect our plan very much cos everything was arranged and we were going back anyway. Yup, except that the intention now is different.
Grandma decided to have a lightning style of funeral. So on Sunday itself, people were called in to perform the rituals. The funeral was done according to taoist style.
We reached there in the late afternoon. Many ppl are there already, so too are my parents and my brother. The coffin is placed in front of the house and tents were built and extended to the road. There is a place on the side where offerings were being burnted
I was told to go cut my hair first because not allowed to cut hair for 3 months. So I went. After that, I bathed and changed into white cloths and black pants which was provided for by the funeral service ppl. I rested for a while in the room for the night is long.
In the evening, we take turns to eat dinner as some ppl must be present to continue doing the offerings and attend to ppl who came to pay last respect. Then, shifu (person who perform rituals), came. The immediate relatives gathered and we went into a series of kneeling, bowing, praying to different deity. I lost count of the number of times we performed the series of movement. this goes on from 7pm to past 3am with some small breaks in between. Along the way, some ppl cannot take it and have to drop out. The kids went to burning the offerings, while grandma just took a chair and sit down, observing the whole rituals. Kids slept at 12am.
The last of the rituals for the night is burning of paper car, paper house, paper servant, dead ppl's money, grandpa's clothes.... Initially we were holding hand in hand around the pile of offerings. But the fire prove too much for us and we have to stand much further back.
Then, the night ended.. most people went to sleep to get some rest before the rituals on monday. Sleep was near impossible for me. Went for walk, had tea with brother at 24 hours stall, continue burning offerings. lost count of time as we were not allowed to wear things like watch, necklance, earings..... later I slept for around 2 hours.
Morning came. Breakfast was ate hastily. Shifu came. Last respect was paid to grandpa. Some of grandpa's favorite things was put into the coffin. Coffin was sealed. Coffin was move out of the house compound. Prayers were offered. Coffined moved into coffin car. We boarded a bus to Tapah.
2 hours later...
reached Tapah, We came down of bus and walked behind the coffin car thru the town of Tapah.
Proceeded to burial grounds. Rested a while, have drink and some food. Coffin was lowered into the ground. Last rituals was performed. Each person took some soil and throw on top of coffin. We left without turning back...
Went to town of Tapah for lunch. Traveled back to House in seapark. Cleared the place of grandpa's belongings. offered jossstick to altar of grandpa. Went for dinner. All went for a good night's rest. THE END
All in all, everyone took it in stride. Including grandma. Everyone was expecting it to happen and have been prepared for it. However, some lost was felt from departure of grandpa.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Another funeral coming up
Well, it seems that I have to attend another funeral again. The signs are clear.... all the relatives are going back to visit in a rush, grandfather was not talking much when I met him 3 weeks ago. Now, he is hospitalized. Arrangements are being made..
gosh, I hate funerals. Yes I feel sad, but I don let it show. I have to be the one that is calm to be the driver. one good thing is that my grandfather had some good times...
I do not know why, but I suddenly remember what my grandfather told me few years back. He said:' If you have time, come back more often to see me, chit chat with me, eat roti canai with me. If you are busy with studies then nvm.' He was never demanding unlike those old folks we see in drama series. He is an understanding and independent person, which is a relieve to the relatives.
After that, I will go back to visit him with father whenever possible.
Sigh.. time pass very fast. I can still remember him working in a very crowded restaurant. Taking down orders of customers. The restaurant is not near.. he will take a bus himself or hitch a ride. He was the popular person there, customers look for him when they go there.
Then.. He had to sit down with customers to take orders. It appears that he is being friendly with customers, but the truth is he gets tire easily.
then.. he quited his job and stayed at home..till now..
Just a few days ago, he was happily playing candles with the 2 youngest grandchildren. Now, he is lying in hospital bed.. hahaha.. life is full of twist... life... sigh...
gosh, I hate funerals. Yes I feel sad, but I don let it show. I have to be the one that is calm to be the driver. one good thing is that my grandfather had some good times...
I do not know why, but I suddenly remember what my grandfather told me few years back. He said:' If you have time, come back more often to see me, chit chat with me, eat roti canai with me. If you are busy with studies then nvm.' He was never demanding unlike those old folks we see in drama series. He is an understanding and independent person, which is a relieve to the relatives.
After that, I will go back to visit him with father whenever possible.
Sigh.. time pass very fast. I can still remember him working in a very crowded restaurant. Taking down orders of customers. The restaurant is not near.. he will take a bus himself or hitch a ride. He was the popular person there, customers look for him when they go there.
Then.. He had to sit down with customers to take orders. It appears that he is being friendly with customers, but the truth is he gets tire easily.
then.. he quited his job and stayed at home..till now..
Just a few days ago, he was happily playing candles with the 2 youngest grandchildren. Now, he is lying in hospital bed.. hahaha.. life is full of twist... life... sigh...
Saturday, October 07, 2006
maths love letter
My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in
trigonometric lane. There I saw you with your cute circular
face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your
triangular garden.
Before seeing you, my heart was a null set, but when a
vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a
deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart,
it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots,
which only you can solve by making good binary relation
with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions
but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits
from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The
geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on
date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of
160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial
of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives
of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.
Yours ever loving,
Pythagoras
--
"Plum trees bloom,
Nightingales sing,
But I am alone."
Monday, October 02, 2006
pressured.. stupid
Gosh, I feel so stupid recently.. sigh... feeling so depressed and disappointed... to the extent of giving up..
When doing tutorials, I cannot do many questions. Even if I manage to do the questions, they turned up to be wrong. While my friends are always able to do the tutorials, able to ask questions that teacher like, able to follow the lecture well (still able to do other things during lecture).
My confidence have never been so tested. And up till now, it seems that I have failed the test. This will lead to failure of other tests.. like examination.. I know.. I know that I should pick up my confidence again. still trying.. sigh.. It is not helpful that there are ppl who wanna show that they are smart. and the tutor who thinks that every one is smart. It also does not help that parents just want me to pass exam, not excel..
Hope I can go thru this hard times...
When doing tutorials, I cannot do many questions. Even if I manage to do the questions, they turned up to be wrong. While my friends are always able to do the tutorials, able to ask questions that teacher like, able to follow the lecture well (still able to do other things during lecture).
My confidence have never been so tested. And up till now, it seems that I have failed the test. This will lead to failure of other tests.. like examination.. I know.. I know that I should pick up my confidence again. still trying.. sigh.. It is not helpful that there are ppl who wanna show that they are smart. and the tutor who thinks that every one is smart. It also does not help that parents just want me to pass exam, not excel..
Hope I can go thru this hard times...
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Seduced-failure
Oh my god. Just some time ago, I was seduced!!!! well, maybe some will not believe it but wait till you read on....
Some time last week, I met with my group members to do project. (both of them are girls). when we were choosing the place to meet and do project, I suggested computer room, but they wanted to do it in one of their room at 9.30 am.
So on the day, I went to the block but did not go and knock on the room door as I was early. So I sent a msg to the girl to check if she is awake. She told me to just go to her room. So I went..
What greeted me was a line of bras that was hung outside the room. So I pretend not to see it.
then, I knock on the door, she answered. and.. apparently she just woke up (with wrinkled clothes and ruffled hair)
Then she went to wash face and brush teeth, asking me to use her laptop in the mean time. But she forgot to give me the pass word. So I was left bored in the room alone. In order to ease my boredom, my eyes roamed the room. My my.. more bras hanging in the room. ( I did not see them!!!!)
Then she came back and the other group member came. Project starts....
they started to get bored and chat about other things for a while. Then they came to 'how to cross legs'. And they start to demonstrate... and they were wearing extreme short pants..
Then they were lying around on bed also, I did not dare too look much cos short pants+lie on bed....
After that went for lunch, one of the girls drive. and there were stair case... and they walked in front... and when stairs are up slope... I am basically looking straight at their butt (their short pants just serves to show their butt shape, not cover it).
Then how about one of them coming near when I found some information on laptop.. and her long hair was... well.... tickling me....
some may think, I should be happy huh? sadly, they are not my type ( wanted to say they not pretty but then everyone's taste is different)
Well, I think my immuned system was put to test and I think I passed the test.
Some time last week, I met with my group members to do project. (both of them are girls). when we were choosing the place to meet and do project, I suggested computer room, but they wanted to do it in one of their room at 9.30 am.
So on the day, I went to the block but did not go and knock on the room door as I was early. So I sent a msg to the girl to check if she is awake. She told me to just go to her room. So I went..
What greeted me was a line of bras that was hung outside the room. So I pretend not to see it.
then, I knock on the door, she answered. and.. apparently she just woke up (with wrinkled clothes and ruffled hair)
Then she went to wash face and brush teeth, asking me to use her laptop in the mean time. But she forgot to give me the pass word. So I was left bored in the room alone. In order to ease my boredom, my eyes roamed the room. My my.. more bras hanging in the room. ( I did not see them!!!!)
Then she came back and the other group member came. Project starts....
they started to get bored and chat about other things for a while. Then they came to 'how to cross legs'. And they start to demonstrate... and they were wearing extreme short pants..
Then they were lying around on bed also, I did not dare too look much cos short pants+lie on bed....
After that went for lunch, one of the girls drive. and there were stair case... and they walked in front... and when stairs are up slope... I am basically looking straight at their butt (their short pants just serves to show their butt shape, not cover it).
Then how about one of them coming near when I found some information on laptop.. and her long hair was... well.... tickling me....
some may think, I should be happy huh? sadly, they are not my type ( wanted to say they not pretty but then everyone's taste is different)
Well, I think my immuned system was put to test and I think I passed the test.
Monday, September 11, 2006
DrEaM gIrL
My Beautiful Girl,
Wherever you are,
I know when I saw you
You have opened the door
and now that I love again
until a long, long time
I love again....
I MET HER!!!! THE IDEAL GIRL !!!! (physically, have not have chance to get to know more)
oh, how my heart melts at the sight of her eyes. Those perfectly shaped eye brows. Those cute lips. Those fair skin with pink colours. Those expressions that form inside the eyes... All this in just...... 5 minutes?
Yes, just 5 minutes. I met her when I went back home last friday. After Singapore custom, I boarded a bus and sat down. Immediately, my eyes, my brain (contrary to believe, I have them), my heart, were glued to a girl sitting in the seat in front of me. And so I stare and stare and stare, not wanting to take my eyes off her for as long as I can. I just want to marvel in the beauty that nature created..
You know how time boards a ultra-super sonic aeroplane when you want it to go slow? damn the time... Damn the driver for driving so fast.. Damn the other cars for not jamming up the causeway!!!! ARGH!!!! reach JB custom liao.. sigh... with heavy hearts... I stood up and left... My heart and soul still lingering near her...
When I am a capable person.... when that days comes.. oh please come....
Wherever you are,
I know when I saw you
You have opened the door
and now that I love again
until a long, long time
I love again....
I MET HER!!!! THE IDEAL GIRL !!!! (physically, have not have chance to get to know more)
oh, how my heart melts at the sight of her eyes. Those perfectly shaped eye brows. Those cute lips. Those fair skin with pink colours. Those expressions that form inside the eyes... All this in just...... 5 minutes?
Yes, just 5 minutes. I met her when I went back home last friday. After Singapore custom, I boarded a bus and sat down. Immediately, my eyes, my brain (contrary to believe, I have them), my heart, were glued to a girl sitting in the seat in front of me. And so I stare and stare and stare, not wanting to take my eyes off her for as long as I can. I just want to marvel in the beauty that nature created..
You know how time boards a ultra-super sonic aeroplane when you want it to go slow? damn the time... Damn the driver for driving so fast.. Damn the other cars for not jamming up the causeway!!!! ARGH!!!! reach JB custom liao.. sigh... with heavy hearts... I stood up and left... My heart and soul still lingering near her...
When I am a capable person.... when that days comes.. oh please come....
Thursday, September 07, 2006
time of serious study
One year ago, I cannot imagine anyone being able to stay at library for hours and hours. I was thinking that library is a very boring place with nothing much in store for me. I can get whatever information that I want online and from text books.
However, all this change. I am not sure why, but now I go to library at least 3 times per week and each time is around 2 hours. I start to like the envorinment of library, esp Library 2. the air cond (NOTE: MAIN POINT), study desk lighting and RBR.
and now I have to make playing computer games an activity that is extinct. haih... study day and night non-stop. But I have to admit that I am finding this life acceptable if not fun. For those who took further maths before, you would know the joy of doing tutorials.. The joy that you feel after you crack your head hours to solve your question, then cannot get, then try for hours again the next day... and GOT THE ANSWER!!! WAHAHAHA... Hope I don go crazy over doing tutorials... Or rather, I don become even crazier.. hahaha..
Anyway, a bit sien, my social life was bare minimum, now is even worse.. dunno how to describe it.. Well, 2 years ain't that long.. I hope (those who have 3 years more, don kill me :(.... ) I work so hard, but then I know that first class honors is very far from me.. sigh... this is demoralising... the best I can hope for is second upper, but then it is hard to get also..
Hope everyone work hard ans survive uni life.
However, all this change. I am not sure why, but now I go to library at least 3 times per week and each time is around 2 hours. I start to like the envorinment of library, esp Library 2. the air cond (NOTE: MAIN POINT), study desk lighting and RBR.
and now I have to make playing computer games an activity that is extinct. haih... study day and night non-stop. But I have to admit that I am finding this life acceptable if not fun. For those who took further maths before, you would know the joy of doing tutorials.. The joy that you feel after you crack your head hours to solve your question, then cannot get, then try for hours again the next day... and GOT THE ANSWER!!! WAHAHAHA... Hope I don go crazy over doing tutorials... Or rather, I don become even crazier.. hahaha..
Anyway, a bit sien, my social life was bare minimum, now is even worse.. dunno how to describe it.. Well, 2 years ain't that long.. I hope (those who have 3 years more, don kill me :(.... ) I work so hard, but then I know that first class honors is very far from me.. sigh... this is demoralising... the best I can hope for is second upper, but then it is hard to get also..
Hope everyone work hard ans survive uni life.
Friday, September 01, 2006
no air-cond? yes air-cond
When a tenant signed the contract to rent the room, the landlady said that there will not be any air cond provided. What she meant was that the air cond unit is in the room but she kept the remote away from the tenant.
However, the tenant still manage to use the air-cond. Who needs a remote control to on the air-cond? As long as the main switch of the air-cond is turned on by the landlady in her room, the smart tenant can use the air-cond too.. and.. for free.... How cool is that?
However, as the landlady does not stay in the uni often, the tenant is thinking of purchasing a cooler that uses ice and water to cool down the room. The downside to the cooler is that it only lasts for 4 hours. After that more ice and water need to be added. and it costs more than S$150. Is it a good deal? hm...
However, the tenant still manage to use the air-cond. Who needs a remote control to on the air-cond? As long as the main switch of the air-cond is turned on by the landlady in her room, the smart tenant can use the air-cond too.. and.. for free.... How cool is that?
However, as the landlady does not stay in the uni often, the tenant is thinking of purchasing a cooler that uses ice and water to cool down the room. The downside to the cooler is that it only lasts for 4 hours. After that more ice and water need to be added. and it costs more than S$150. Is it a good deal? hm...
movie joke
This is a conversation between a mother and a daughter.
D: Mama, papa will not allow me to go and study the course
M: It is ok darling, I will go talk to him
D: It is no use mama, he keep thinking he is the head of the house and have right to make decision...
M: Now don't you worry, he may be the head of the house, but I am the neck. I can turn the head anyway I want
Morale of story: being head is not a good thing.
D: Mama, papa will not allow me to go and study the course
M: It is ok darling, I will go talk to him
D: It is no use mama, he keep thinking he is the head of the house and have right to make decision...
M: Now don't you worry, he may be the head of the house, but I am the neck. I can turn the head anyway I want
Morale of story: being head is not a good thing.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
House mate birthday
Gosh Gosh.. house mate birthday is coming up very soon. What am I to do? what to buy? oh no... hahaha.. ah well, my head nearly crack last night thinking about that. However, thanks to my careful observation of the things that I did, I manage to think of what to buy.. thanks to kee and choo, a wooden comb it will be... at least, one of the presents...
Been almost a week now staying there. Now, we (me and the other 2 girls) are more comfortable with each others' existance in the same unit. Although there are times where some things will happen. Like this morning, where I am dying to get the things in my rectum out.. unfortunately, one of the them is bathing.. oh the pain of waiting...
One of the worst things is,... I cannot go around semi naked in the unit or room now that there are girls there. Although I did do that when I stay with my brothers (their place got 2 girls share the unit also), those 2 are more like elder sister to me. Anyway, I am sure they have experienced much more than that.. haha.. With the 2 I staying with now.. hm.. they look like guai guai one.. cannot give too much shock to them... at least.. not yet.. MUAHAHAH....
Been almost a week now staying there. Now, we (me and the other 2 girls) are more comfortable with each others' existance in the same unit. Although there are times where some things will happen. Like this morning, where I am dying to get the things in my rectum out.. unfortunately, one of the them is bathing.. oh the pain of waiting...
One of the worst things is,... I cannot go around semi naked in the unit or room now that there are girls there. Although I did do that when I stay with my brothers (their place got 2 girls share the unit also), those 2 are more like elder sister to me. Anyway, I am sure they have experienced much more than that.. haha.. With the 2 I staying with now.. hm.. they look like guai guai one.. cannot give too much shock to them... at least.. not yet.. MUAHAHAH....
Monday, August 21, 2006
first night.....
The first night of my stay in rented room....everything was just fine...
Had dinner together with my house mates and went for brief shopping with them. They were 2 girls from Muar. They rented one room and I took the other available room.
After that was studying time and 3 of us study till past 11 pm. Then got ready to turn in....
11.30pm.. on my bed feeling happy to get a nice room
11.45pm.. fell asleep
12.30am.. felt hot...
1am.. woke up to find out that the fan was out of action..
1am to 2am.. spend the time wondering what to do now that it is too hot without a fan. Went to living room, but the ceiling fan was as weak as a 1cm think tofu.
2am.. decided to sleep on the floor of living room...
4am.. woke up.. sleep is impossible since floor is heated up by my body temperature liao... tossed and turned
5am.. what the hell.. got up and bathed
5.30am walking around while fanning myself with a dvd
6am decided to eat some things and was clothes...
so ends my ordeal of the night. Do not mistaken.. the day was terrible also.. can see many ppl flying around the place.. and in circles....
5.30pm, reached home from school.. found a brand new fan in front of my door.. WOOHOO!!!1 new and powerful like a 1 m thick tofu.. can sleep well liao..
Had dinner together with my house mates and went for brief shopping with them. They were 2 girls from Muar. They rented one room and I took the other available room.
After that was studying time and 3 of us study till past 11 pm. Then got ready to turn in....
11.30pm.. on my bed feeling happy to get a nice room
11.45pm.. fell asleep
12.30am.. felt hot...
1am.. woke up to find out that the fan was out of action..
1am to 2am.. spend the time wondering what to do now that it is too hot without a fan. Went to living room, but the ceiling fan was as weak as a 1cm think tofu.
2am.. decided to sleep on the floor of living room...
4am.. woke up.. sleep is impossible since floor is heated up by my body temperature liao... tossed and turned
5am.. what the hell.. got up and bathed
5.30am walking around while fanning myself with a dvd
6am decided to eat some things and was clothes...
so ends my ordeal of the night. Do not mistaken.. the day was terrible also.. can see many ppl flying around the place.. and in circles....
5.30pm, reached home from school.. found a brand new fan in front of my door.. WOOHOO!!!1 new and powerful like a 1 m thick tofu.. can sleep well liao..
Friday, August 18, 2006
Home Sweet Home
After weeks of frantic searching online and viewing places near Uni, I have finally found a place to stay that is satisfactory.
Viewed the room 2 nights ago. At that time, there was another working guy also viewing the room. I must thank him to ask all the questions and get the answers that I wanna know. I must thank him also for creating the impression that he is noisy and talkative and demanding.. hahaha.. During most of the viewing, I just told my agent to let them ask the questions first. Then, they left after leaving their name card. That is when the victory strike was launched. I just took out money and pay for deposit and signed agreement with the landlady
Now the unit is all from same uni. The landlady is working at uni, and the other room stays 2 girls. At least one of them are attractive. HAHAHA... my poor brothers.. so envious of me. Ah well, going to move in this weekend. Then it will be getting down and proper on studying.. and some other things of possible :P (go figure what that means)...YEAH.. cannot wait to move in and release myself from the fate of sleeping on the floor and living on other ppl. (cos I don pay rent when I stay at the unit that my brother rented)
Hopefully all goes well
Viewed the room 2 nights ago. At that time, there was another working guy also viewing the room. I must thank him to ask all the questions and get the answers that I wanna know. I must thank him also for creating the impression that he is noisy and talkative and demanding.. hahaha.. During most of the viewing, I just told my agent to let them ask the questions first. Then, they left after leaving their name card. That is when the victory strike was launched. I just took out money and pay for deposit and signed agreement with the landlady
Now the unit is all from same uni. The landlady is working at uni, and the other room stays 2 girls. At least one of them are attractive. HAHAHA... my poor brothers.. so envious of me. Ah well, going to move in this weekend. Then it will be getting down and proper on studying.. and some other things of possible :P (go figure what that means)...YEAH.. cannot wait to move in and release myself from the fate of sleeping on the floor and living on other ppl. (cos I don pay rent when I stay at the unit that my brother rented)
Hopefully all goes well
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
war
There is a battle in computer lab.
The number of participants are increasing.
The news is spreading like wild fire.
More and more ppl come to join in the fight once the exhausted and battered people leave.
Things are in a mess.
Chairs all over the place.
Items like keyboards are favorites as weapons in the war.
Will there be any end to it?
I am on standing by to join in the fight once my time comes.
to join in the fight to REGISTER SUBJECTS!!!
Yup, it is the time of the year again to fight each other to get the empty slots of classes.
It is when people show their selfishness by ignoring others and taking what they want
It is time when slow down of connections occur.
Do not despair brothers and sisters
Pick up your boards and mice
and fill the chair with sweat
while trying to emerge victorious.
-sth stupid-
The number of participants are increasing.
The news is spreading like wild fire.
More and more ppl come to join in the fight once the exhausted and battered people leave.
Things are in a mess.
Chairs all over the place.
Items like keyboards are favorites as weapons in the war.
Will there be any end to it?
I am on standing by to join in the fight once my time comes.
to join in the fight to REGISTER SUBJECTS!!!
Yup, it is the time of the year again to fight each other to get the empty slots of classes.
It is when people show their selfishness by ignoring others and taking what they want
It is time when slow down of connections occur.
Do not despair brothers and sisters
Pick up your boards and mice
and fill the chair with sweat
while trying to emerge victorious.
-sth stupid-
Sunday, August 06, 2006
start of journey again
Here it is again. Time to start my studies in the new semester, not that I am very enthusiastic about it. I am still very much disappointed and disorientated.
The disappointment comes from failure to execute my plan. This left me with nothing, no minor to take and also no second specialisation to take. One person suggested that I take the subjects in the specialisation I want and just learn the things and clear my GE. Guess I will just have to do that.
Disorientated? well, school starts but I have not get a place to stay yet. Now still bunking at my brothers' place at bukit batok. It does not feel good. All my stuff are not unpacked yet and will not be because I am not legit person to stay here. Take it as a challenge some say.. what choice have I?
Anyway, I had fun yesterday.. Though a bit tiring.. haha.. long day afterall. Many thanks to ppl who make it possible (sounds like thanking after event.. hm.. haha) Love you all (hm.. not the most recently befriended one). muach..
The disappointment comes from failure to execute my plan. This left me with nothing, no minor to take and also no second specialisation to take. One person suggested that I take the subjects in the specialisation I want and just learn the things and clear my GE. Guess I will just have to do that.
Disorientated? well, school starts but I have not get a place to stay yet. Now still bunking at my brothers' place at bukit batok. It does not feel good. All my stuff are not unpacked yet and will not be because I am not legit person to stay here. Take it as a challenge some say.. what choice have I?
Anyway, I had fun yesterday.. Though a bit tiring.. haha.. long day afterall. Many thanks to ppl who make it possible (sounds like thanking after event.. hm.. haha) Love you all (hm.. not the most recently befriended one). muach..
Saturday, July 29, 2006
FREE WOrk
Here is what I do every few days...
1. Sweep the floor
2. mop the floor
3. wash the clothes of my brothers
4. hang the clothes
5. fold the clothes
6. nag my brothers to take in the folded clothes
7. nag my bothers to not change so many clothes
8. pick up stuffs
Little wonder why my brothers want me to stay with them LOL....
1. Sweep the floor
2. mop the floor
3. wash the clothes of my brothers
4. hang the clothes
5. fold the clothes
6. nag my brothers to take in the folded clothes
7. nag my bothers to not change so many clothes
8. pick up stuffs
Little wonder why my brothers want me to stay with them LOL....
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Thursday, July 13, 2006
long journey back to same place
I have travelling more than 800km in 2 days and I used up more than 12 hours during the 2 days to travel.. However, I ended up in the same place that I started my journey.. sucks huh?
Well, I went to kl from jb by ktm train. I was accompanying my grandmother back home. She preferred train.. so there goes more than 6 hours of journey.. What can I person that cannot sleep easily do? basically.... nothing.
Was hoping of meeting up with ppl in the region near petaling jaya.. but heard that one is busy with exam, the other is back in singapore and one more dunno busy about what.. haih.. there goes the plan to celebrate a friend's birthday... oh well.. too bad.. lousy timing to go there.. haha
On the way back from KL to JB, I took train again.. I have no idea why exactly... Well, spent some the time reading finish my story book and many articles of a magazine... other free time was spent idling away.. doing nothing.. and keep wondering 'why on earth is the air-cond so hot?' With no where to avoid the heat, I have to enjoy the 'coldness'. This set my hand into a constant back and front motion while holding a miserable piece of cardboard.
Worst thing is.. there wasn't any ppl who is of same age as me.. except for 4 girls that are of islamic religion. haih.. There was some show on the tv.. unfortunately, it is a comedy.. that is built solely on words.. To the annoyance of ppl who want to know what happening in the show... the volume is so low that I cannot hear anything even when I sit 30cm from the tv.. gosh.. such a waste of resources (the turning on of tv)
The only thing I can be glad of is that there are many empty seats around.. so I can take 2 seats to myself and need not let my shoulder have a bout of battle with other shoulders.
Well, I went to kl from jb by ktm train. I was accompanying my grandmother back home. She preferred train.. so there goes more than 6 hours of journey.. What can I person that cannot sleep easily do? basically.... nothing.
Was hoping of meeting up with ppl in the region near petaling jaya.. but heard that one is busy with exam, the other is back in singapore and one more dunno busy about what.. haih.. there goes the plan to celebrate a friend's birthday... oh well.. too bad.. lousy timing to go there.. haha
On the way back from KL to JB, I took train again.. I have no idea why exactly... Well, spent some the time reading finish my story book and many articles of a magazine... other free time was spent idling away.. doing nothing.. and keep wondering 'why on earth is the air-cond so hot?' With no where to avoid the heat, I have to enjoy the 'coldness'. This set my hand into a constant back and front motion while holding a miserable piece of cardboard.
Worst thing is.. there wasn't any ppl who is of same age as me.. except for 4 girls that are of islamic religion. haih.. There was some show on the tv.. unfortunately, it is a comedy.. that is built solely on words.. To the annoyance of ppl who want to know what happening in the show... the volume is so low that I cannot hear anything even when I sit 30cm from the tv.. gosh.. such a waste of resources (the turning on of tv)
The only thing I can be glad of is that there are many empty seats around.. so I can take 2 seats to myself and need not let my shoulder have a bout of battle with other shoulders.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
what is left after??
those names.. were once ppl who are full of energy and life..
those names.. thousands of them..
now merely a code of recognition for a stack of papers..
which were kept for the purpose of avoiding lawsuit or monetary claims problems...
Within the stack of papers, there were details of visits made..
patients hard to breath..
patients stopped breathing..
resuscitated...
health deterioting day by day...
family members advised to get CCOD
certified dead by doctor...
I got a chance to flipped through the files today...
Hard to not feel something..
when you are staring at the details in the files...
more so when you have to do so again and again to file in more names...
even more so when the dates are quite recent...
those names.. thousands of them..
now merely a code of recognition for a stack of papers..
which were kept for the purpose of avoiding lawsuit or monetary claims problems...
Within the stack of papers, there were details of visits made..
patients hard to breath..
patients stopped breathing..
resuscitated...
health deterioting day by day...
family members advised to get CCOD
certified dead by doctor...
I got a chance to flipped through the files today...
Hard to not feel something..
when you are staring at the details in the files...
more so when you have to do so again and again to file in more names...
even more so when the dates are quite recent...
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Passing of life
I was at a hospice centre, doing volunteer work from 10am to 5.45pm.
Quite a lot of things happen during this time...
I got chance to know one nice person....
I got chance to know the workers and nurses there better...
I got chance to eat burger king from novena...
I got chance to help set up a computer...
I got chance to eat a lunch of a worker as my first dinner....
I got chance to know that a patient just passed away....
I got chance to see the distraught look of the patient's husband....
I got chance to see the sad tears of the nurses...
I got chance to reflect on the fragile life of humans...
Quite a lot of things happen during this time...
I got chance to know one nice person....
I got chance to know the workers and nurses there better...
I got chance to eat burger king from novena...
I got chance to help set up a computer...
I got chance to eat a lunch of a worker as my first dinner....
I got chance to know that a patient just passed away....
I got chance to see the distraught look of the patient's husband....
I got chance to see the sad tears of the nurses...
I got chance to reflect on the fragile life of humans...
Epitaph |
| by Jaimie D. Travis |
| Image of you in a cloud rolls by The sky opens up, somewhere in my mind A vision of you in a pale blue dress Tears falling down, you took my breath Memories of you . . . Rain always hides these tears in my eyes Thunder laughs and my soul dies Will I hear your voice Will I touch your skin Will the ocean waves let me in Epitaph read like a warning sign Lightning strikes, I close my eyes A vision of you in a torn red dress Tears in your eyes, your hair a mess Memories of you . . . Rain always hides these tears in my eyes Thunder laughs and my soul dies Will I hear your voice Will I touch your skin Will the ocean waves let me in The time is near, the time is nigh To answer the call, to answer the cry My head still spins, my body aches Cold wind stings my eyes, my face Look around, no one there Will anybody notice, anyone care . . . Will I hear you laugh Will I see you cry Will this world just end and let me die |
Sunday, June 18, 2006
what to do? do what?
I am feeling not so well. my thoughts are all over the place.. suddenly think of many things and have to decide.. sigh... some of my plans and expectation were overturned by events and persons that were out of my control.
Maybe I feel this way because lack of sleep. went back home and accompany dad watch soccer. then wake up early to accompany for breakfast.. yawn....
can't get my tots straight also.. sigh.. ah well.. going to do laundry..
Maybe I feel this way because lack of sleep. went back home and accompany dad watch soccer. then wake up early to accompany for breakfast.. yawn....
can't get my tots straight also.. sigh.. ah well.. going to do laundry..
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Friday, June 16, 2006
try read this page.. I find it interesting.. if you like go read whole story.. haha
http://book.qukanshu.com/html/186/7001.html
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
life and death
recently, I volunteered at Hospice Care Association. Although I have not come into contact with the patients. I had the chance to key in info of patients that were RIP (rest in peace). It makes me wonder about many things. What can we do to get a meaningful life? a life that when we are at our last moments, we can say that we have done sth and and contented? Is it just working and get money? Is it being filial? Is it to have a family with close relationship?
Recently I have been traveling a lot. I will follow my father whenever he goes to petaling jaya for meeting. Just went last week. I have to make use of every opportunity to go back and visit my grandfather. He is getting weaker by the day and everyone including my father is telling me that he will not last long. sigh... I have been fortunate so far. I had the chance to meet my grandparents, be it my father's side or my mother's side. though I seldom go and visit my mother's father who passed away 2 years ago. I am not going to make the same mistake again. My grandfather now very cute actually. haha. He will say that he don't want to eat lunch. But when me and grandmother sit down at table, he will want to join in for the sake of company.. Then he will have to eat sth. It saddens me to know that they are frequently looking forward to a visit by their children or grandchildren. My grandmother also expressed delight at my visit. She will tell everyone that she knows at kopitiam (and there are quite a few) that "cucu saya, cucu saya" or in cantonese. Eveytime I leave them I feel the pain when I see them suddenly become quiet when we are leaving.. sigh..
I am trying to make them happy whenever I can so that they have sth to hold on to during the period when nobody visit them. Hopefully it makes them feel better.
Recently I have been traveling a lot. I will follow my father whenever he goes to petaling jaya for meeting. Just went last week. I have to make use of every opportunity to go back and visit my grandfather. He is getting weaker by the day and everyone including my father is telling me that he will not last long. sigh... I have been fortunate so far. I had the chance to meet my grandparents, be it my father's side or my mother's side. though I seldom go and visit my mother's father who passed away 2 years ago. I am not going to make the same mistake again. My grandfather now very cute actually. haha. He will say that he don't want to eat lunch. But when me and grandmother sit down at table, he will want to join in for the sake of company.. Then he will have to eat sth. It saddens me to know that they are frequently looking forward to a visit by their children or grandchildren. My grandmother also expressed delight at my visit. She will tell everyone that she knows at kopitiam (and there are quite a few) that "cucu saya, cucu saya" or in cantonese. Eveytime I leave them I feel the pain when I see them suddenly become quiet when we are leaving.. sigh..
I am trying to make them happy whenever I can so that they have sth to hold on to during the period when nobody visit them. Hopefully it makes them feel better.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Organisational Behaviour
In class and lecture of organisational behaviour, they tell us that our characteristic will determine how we act. However, I beg to differ.
According to MBTI test, I am super super introvert. Does that mean I am not sociable? That was the question that bugged me. I even went as far to think that the reason why I felt isolated was because of my character.
However, I decided that it should not be the case. Because it is not the character that dictates how we act. In my opinion, it is how well you role play. In other words, everyone can be anyone if they are good at it. Even if you had bad traits, you can hide it and show others what they want to see. Hoping that in time, your bad traits will eventually disappear cos you forgot about them.
Yup,... that is what I did. I start to spend time doing things that I would think unnecessary like eating with a whole bunch of class mate at a canteen that is not really convenient for me. But after a while, I realise that: 'hey, it is quite ok to do so'. Now, I am somehow sort of a part of them.
Haha.... To those who are concern about me, I thank you for your care. At that point of time when I in bad mood, reading your comments make me feel better. Well, I am stable now... thanks.
According to MBTI test, I am super super introvert. Does that mean I am not sociable? That was the question that bugged me. I even went as far to think that the reason why I felt isolated was because of my character.
However, I decided that it should not be the case. Because it is not the character that dictates how we act. In my opinion, it is how well you role play. In other words, everyone can be anyone if they are good at it. Even if you had bad traits, you can hide it and show others what they want to see. Hoping that in time, your bad traits will eventually disappear cos you forgot about them.
Yup,... that is what I did. I start to spend time doing things that I would think unnecessary like eating with a whole bunch of class mate at a canteen that is not really convenient for me. But after a while, I realise that: 'hey, it is quite ok to do so'. Now, I am somehow sort of a part of them.
Haha.... To those who are concern about me, I thank you for your care. At that point of time when I in bad mood, reading your comments make me feel better. Well, I am stable now... thanks.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
the most unpopular guy....
I started to give myself this nickname since near september last year. Amazing that I can get the most dishonorable title huh? sigh... but I really do feel that I am like that in class. When my classmates see me, they reply my 'hello', but their body action and eyes gave them away.. It seems that the msg they convey is that 'oh my, why on earth do I have to meet him of all the people?'
Another incident happened today which further solidify my claim to the title. It goes like this...
During a class today, tutor asked us to form groups of 4. So I turned and ask the person seating beside me if he has a group. then he said no and quickly turn away. Then, tutor started the lecture... So I decided to postpone my request to join him in a group.
After some time, tutor gave a break for us to stretch.... that guy went out to take a walk with others. When he came back, I asked him if I can join his group. Then he gave me this apologetic look and said he formed a group with 3 other guys already.
(let's call that guy A)
So I said to myself:'nvm, I'll try other group'
Then, I went and asked around and found out that there is another group with only 3 persons. So I asked them if I could join them and they agree. (one of them is B)
so I happily walked away thinking that I settled the problem of getting a group. (at that time was after class)
tick tock tick tock tick tock... (after 3 minutes)
'beep beep' (msg on phone)
content of msg:
Yo, B here. A's group just splitted and A was sent to join us. Since we are in the same group with him for the rest of our subject, It is more convenient for us to meet up. Sorry... We feel very bad about it..
the msg is just a notification. It just goes to show how insignificant I am.... What The HELL!!!!!!!!!!
After that I went to a lecture. A was there also. He still smile at me and try to strike a conversation with me, to which I responded like normal and with a smile...
Sigh.... humans can be so scary,fake,cruel, and do not keep their words......
Another incident happened today which further solidify my claim to the title. It goes like this...
During a class today, tutor asked us to form groups of 4. So I turned and ask the person seating beside me if he has a group. then he said no and quickly turn away. Then, tutor started the lecture... So I decided to postpone my request to join him in a group.
After some time, tutor gave a break for us to stretch.... that guy went out to take a walk with others. When he came back, I asked him if I can join his group. Then he gave me this apologetic look and said he formed a group with 3 other guys already.
(let's call that guy A)
So I said to myself:'nvm, I'll try other group'
Then, I went and asked around and found out that there is another group with only 3 persons. So I asked them if I could join them and they agree. (one of them is B)
so I happily walked away thinking that I settled the problem of getting a group. (at that time was after class)
tick tock tick tock tick tock... (after 3 minutes)
'beep beep' (msg on phone)
content of msg:
Yo, B here. A's group just splitted and A was sent to join us. Since we are in the same group with him for the rest of our subject, It is more convenient for us to meet up. Sorry... We feel very bad about it..
the msg is just a notification. It just goes to show how insignificant I am.... What The HELL!!!!!!!!!!
After that I went to a lecture. A was there also. He still smile at me and try to strike a conversation with me, to which I responded like normal and with a smile...
Sigh.... humans can be so scary,fake,cruel, and do not keep their words......
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Uni student...
You know.. I realized that in NTU, there are still many people who do not treat pursuing education seriously enough to take the initiative…
Well, there was a lecture on Econs today. It is supposed to start at
And so, the lecture starts finally… As I was listening enthusiastically to the lecturer, I heard whispers, complaints and curses behind me..
A: walau.. I am lost lor///
B: I dunno what the fuck he is talking about
A (or is it B or C? I dunno. Didn’t turn to check out): I am going to die for econs la.. walau…
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Shouldn’t uni student be more proactive and read the lecture notes or at least glance through it before the lecture? (unless very confident)
Oh well, then I thought to myself.. I should thank these people because they are the ones who prevent me from getting too bad grade (Grades are awarded by ratio of the whole cohort)…haha…
Monday, January 09, 2006
charity
Anyway, I went to an elderly home yesterday. (that is part of the reason why I didn’t go back to my house. Well, I knew about the home because I joined the group concerning elderly which is under Welfare Service club (nvm if you don’t understand,haha..) Well, only 3 people went to the home as other members went for a trip to
The topics that we talked about ranged from Japanese war times to farming to rearing pigs, chicken, duck, how vegetables nowadays not so tasty, about fish that eats food completely processed by humans, the spirit of banana plant, dogs, egg, rain, the 4 seasons,…………………………………………………….. (now you have an idea of why we can talk for 3 hours… haha…)
One thing worth mentioning is that they laughed happily when we interact with them.. which is a good thing because they seldom have chance to go out. This is because elderly have some difficulties in movement and certainly all the stairs in
However, I didn’t visit them during the holidays because I decided that I should visit my own parents and grandparents too. No point in being nice to other elderly while neglecting own grandparents and parents.
vegetarian
I came across this issue when I decided to go vegetarian. My parents objected to my decision again. For your information, I tried to turn vegetarian around 1 year ago. However, I have to abandon my decision because of objection from parents and also lack of vegetarian food in my hostel. Now, I turn vegetarian again. I hope that I can continue to be one. So far, I have not eaten meat for 4 days.
Well, my parents still think that I am not a vegetarian. They suggested that If I want to, I should just practice it on the 1st and 15th of every Chinese calendar month. I asked a fellow undergraduate who is a Buddhist about how he feels about being vegetarian for just 2 days in one month. He said that it is to practice discipline for 2 days. Which makes me wonder about the purpose of it. It is just like saying that I should be law abiding and be discipline for one day per week. For other days, I can do anything that I want. How does it sound? Ridiculous right?
Why would anyone want to be vegetarian anyway? Well, my reason may sound a bit funny. It starts after the I recover from sickness. After that, I start to notice a type of funny taste in fish, meat and egg which I don’t like. It is like rotten taste. How many will believe this? Well, my brother said that It is all in my mind. He said that I made myself believe that there is such a taste in meat.
But why would people want to be vegetarian? For Buddhist, they said that everything have a right to live. Hence, we should not take away that right from animals by killing them and eating them. For animal rights activists, they say that if people eat meat, there will be demand for it. As the breeding condition is degrading to the animals, it is just not right. I do not know about other interpretations..
Haha.. well, Hope my parents do not know about this blog…..Though I have to ponder over how I should act when I go home and my mum happily cooks all types of meat and fish to give me ‘nutrition’. Sigh…
(btw, this was typed when my room no internet connection)
Friday, November 25, 2005
Sick of train....
I am really sick of sitting train... I do not mean mrt or LRT, but KTM... It goes like this....
On wednesday.. I board the train from JB to KL with my bro and my grandma (to send my grandma to her son's house in PJ) on the trip there, I had the comfort of space, as there was no one sitting on the seat beside me... but the downside to it is the coach is really so empty... what that means is I have to spend 6 hours without any pretty girls to stare at....URGH!!!! well, my brother and my grandma slept through the journey... but I am the type that is easily awaken and hence cannot sleep.. without any choice left, I have to resort to stoning... for 6 hours!!!!
On saturday, I board the train with my brother from KL to JB, this time, I sat with my brother..
only then did I realised that how unfortunate the arrangement is... not so much that we lose out the chance to sit with girls (though to a certain extent, however, after looking at the ratio of above 50 and under 50, we had to admit that it is almost impossible that we will have a surprise if we sit separate). well, the arrangement is unfortunate because once we sat down, we found to our dismay that our shoulders are fighting.. so is our leg.. there is simply not enough space for us.... (I do not mean to say tat my brother is fat, he is not)
We manage to ignore that lack of space by indulging ourselves in the realm of fiction (we read story books that we bought when we went to 1 Utama). Just when I was starting to fully imerse in the fantasy world, a terrifying sound brought me back to reality, I looked all around for the source of the sound and finally, I found it... the lady who was sitting behind us ( and I mean really behind with around 15cm apart. for those who travelled by train before, it is because in a coach, the seats will be spilt, some facing the front some facing the back, our seat is the turning point). And she is one hell of snoring woman.. no matter that the train shake and trembled with the less than perfect track, she went on snoring... sigh... and on she blasted until we reached JB.
next time, I will think and think and think.... before I decide to travel by train again.....
On wednesday.. I board the train from JB to KL with my bro and my grandma (to send my grandma to her son's house in PJ) on the trip there, I had the comfort of space, as there was no one sitting on the seat beside me... but the downside to it is the coach is really so empty... what that means is I have to spend 6 hours without any pretty girls to stare at....URGH!!!! well, my brother and my grandma slept through the journey... but I am the type that is easily awaken and hence cannot sleep.. without any choice left, I have to resort to stoning... for 6 hours!!!!
On saturday, I board the train with my brother from KL to JB, this time, I sat with my brother..
only then did I realised that how unfortunate the arrangement is... not so much that we lose out the chance to sit with girls (though to a certain extent, however, after looking at the ratio of above 50 and under 50, we had to admit that it is almost impossible that we will have a surprise if we sit separate). well, the arrangement is unfortunate because once we sat down, we found to our dismay that our shoulders are fighting.. so is our leg.. there is simply not enough space for us.... (I do not mean to say tat my brother is fat, he is not)
We manage to ignore that lack of space by indulging ourselves in the realm of fiction (we read story books that we bought when we went to 1 Utama). Just when I was starting to fully imerse in the fantasy world, a terrifying sound brought me back to reality, I looked all around for the source of the sound and finally, I found it... the lady who was sitting behind us ( and I mean really behind with around 15cm apart. for those who travelled by train before, it is because in a coach, the seats will be spilt, some facing the front some facing the back, our seat is the turning point). And she is one hell of snoring woman.. no matter that the train shake and trembled with the less than perfect track, she went on snoring... sigh... and on she blasted until we reached JB.
next time, I will think and think and think.... before I decide to travel by train again.....
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
When you really love a girl
When you really love a girl, what will you do?
Will you try your very best to court her?
would you try very hard to be her boyfriend?
will you be able to say the right things at the right time?
will you be able to do the right things at the right time?
What if you are somebody who cannot give anything to her?
what if you have not the means to protect her?
What if you are not the one that she likes?
What if she wanted you to not love her?
Would you try to un-love her?
What if she gets a boyfriend?
would you be happy for her?
will you still look at her with thoughtful eyes?
will you avoid her so that your feelings don't betray you?
will you still be her friend?
is it possible to still be her friend?
will you ever get over her?
will you still try again?
will you change yourself to suit her taste?
will you still keep a look out for her even if she have a boyfriend?
will you still be willing to help her in anyway you can?
can you help her in a way that she does not think that you love her?
will you look for other girl?
wil you wait for her to change her mind?
will you still look at her photo sometimes and sigh?
would you think of all those times you had together with her and form lots of 'what if' questions?
will you have fantasies about her being your gf?
will you still dream of her?
will you keep thinking of her?
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-Broken heart-
Will you try your very best to court her?
would you try very hard to be her boyfriend?
will you be able to say the right things at the right time?
will you be able to do the right things at the right time?
What if you are somebody who cannot give anything to her?
what if you have not the means to protect her?
What if you are not the one that she likes?
What if she wanted you to not love her?
Would you try to un-love her?
What if she gets a boyfriend?
would you be happy for her?
will you still look at her with thoughtful eyes?
will you avoid her so that your feelings don't betray you?
will you still be her friend?
is it possible to still be her friend?
will you ever get over her?
will you still try again?
will you change yourself to suit her taste?
will you still keep a look out for her even if she have a boyfriend?
will you still be willing to help her in anyway you can?
can you help her in a way that she does not think that you love her?
will you look for other girl?
wil you wait for her to change her mind?
will you still look at her photo sometimes and sigh?
would you think of all those times you had together with her and form lots of 'what if' questions?
will you have fantasies about her being your gf?
will you still dream of her?
will you keep thinking of her?
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-Broken heart-
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