what is left after??

those names.. were once ppl who are full of energy and life..
those names.. thousands of them..
now merely a code of recognition for a stack of papers..
which were kept for the purpose of avoiding lawsuit or monetary claims problems...

Within the stack of papers, there were details of visits made..
patients hard to breath..
patients stopped breathing..
resuscitated...
health deterioting day by day...
family members advised to get CCOD
certified dead by doctor...

I got a chance to flipped through the files today...
Hard to not feel something..
when you are staring at the details in the files...
more so when you have to do so again and again to file in more names...
even more so when the dates are quite recent...

Passing of life

I was at a hospice centre, doing volunteer work from 10am to 5.45pm.
Quite a lot of things happen during this time...
I got chance to know one nice person....
I got chance to know the workers and nurses there better...
I got chance to eat burger king from novena...
I got chance to help set up a computer...
I got chance to eat a lunch of a worker as my first dinner....
I got chance to know that a patient just passed away....
I got chance to see the distraught look of the patient's husband....
I got chance to see the sad tears of the nurses...
I got chance to reflect on the fragile life of humans...

Epitaph

by Jaimie D. Travis

Image of you in a cloud rolls by The sky opens up, somewhere in my mind A vision of you in a pale blue dress Tears falling down, you took my breath Memories of you . . . Rain always hides these tears in my eyes Thunder laughs and my soul dies Will I hear your voice Will I touch your skin Will the ocean waves let me in Epitaph read like a warning sign Lightning strikes, I close my eyes A vision of you in a torn red dress Tears in your eyes, your hair a mess Memories of you . . . Rain always hides these tears in my eyes Thunder laughs and my soul dies Will I hear your voice Will I touch your skin Will the ocean waves let me in The time is near, the time is nigh To answer the call, to answer the cry My head still spins, my body aches Cold wind stings my eyes, my face Look around, no one there Will anybody notice, anyone care . . . Will I hear you laugh Will I see you cry Will this world just end and let me die

what to do? do what?

I am feeling not so well. my thoughts are all over the place.. suddenly think of many things and have to decide.. sigh... some of my plans and expectation were overturned by events and persons that were out of my control.
Maybe I feel this way because lack of sleep. went back home and accompany dad watch soccer. then wake up early to accompany for breakfast.. yawn....
can't get my tots straight also.. sigh.. ah well.. going to do laundry..

FFX2 opening

This the clearest. may take a while to load

Suteki Da Ne

nice song - arekara

try read this page.. I find it interesting.. if you like go read whole story.. haha

http://book.qukanshu.com/html/186/7001.html

朋友

朋友,
是共同患难,
是一起享福,
是人生扶把,
是互相关心,
是不畏考验,
是坚守友情,
是不会退缩,
是互相信任,
是不可或缺.

life and death

recently, I volunteered at Hospice Care Association. Although I have not come into contact with the patients. I had the chance to key in info of patients that were RIP (rest in peace). It makes me wonder about many things. What can we do to get a meaningful life? a life that when we are at our last moments, we can say that we have done sth and and contented? Is it just working and get money? Is it being filial? Is it to have a family with close relationship?

Recently I have been traveling a lot. I will follow my father whenever he goes to petaling jaya for meeting. Just went last week. I have to make use of every opportunity to go back and visit my grandfather. He is getting weaker by the day and everyone including my father is telling me that he will not last long. sigh... I have been fortunate so far. I had the chance to meet my grandparents, be it my father's side or my mother's side. though I seldom go and visit my mother's father who passed away 2 years ago. I am not going to make the same mistake again. My grandfather now very cute actually. haha. He will say that he don't want to eat lunch. But when me and grandmother sit down at table, he will want to join in for the sake of company.. Then he will have to eat sth. It saddens me to know that they are frequently looking forward to a visit by their children or grandchildren. My grandmother also expressed delight at my visit. She will tell everyone that she knows at kopitiam (and there are quite a few) that "cucu saya, cucu saya" or in cantonese. Eveytime I leave them I feel the pain when I see them suddenly become quiet when we are leaving.. sigh..

I am trying to make them happy whenever I can so that they have sth to hold on to during the period when nobody visit them. Hopefully it makes them feel better.