I knew it. All the good food and good life is not good for health. My health was at peak during the inhuman sessions during JC. Now, I stare at my belly and sigh. It is time to take action.
No more extra rice
Apparently exercising once per week is not enough to burn the calories and fat that I consume during my feast. I tried to exercise twice per day with disastrous results. I unknowingly pushed my body beyond limits and fell sick. So I shall stick with once per day and jogging at least twice per week.
More fruits to get those food that I ate, out of my body faster.
The battle has begun. The battle against body weight. Victory shall be mine.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Gathering of cousins
I left exam half an hour early to attend a gathering dinner with my cousins. All right, it is partly because I do not know how to do the questions.
Anyway, Two of my cousin sisters from sabah (though one of them working in Australia now and one planning to study uni in KL) came down to the red dot for visit. (I would think that they wanted to visit another cousin and his baby more than meeting me and my brothers, but lets not go down that road)
One of em was famed to be pretty. I would think she is 19 years old. and she is pretty. Even with single eyelid. Petite, quiet, big clear eyes with matching eye brows and she is the youngest in the family just like me :) . Unfortunately, my brother is much more interested in her than I am in her.
Brotherhood first, so I guess I shall continue to make myself less attractive.
Anyway, we had dinner at a japanese buffet steamboat at sunset way. It was really enjoyable with light-hearted jokes, a cute baby, gorgeous young men, pretty girl and all. A real treat that lightened me up after 2 disappointing exams.
After the n-th rounds, we decided that we have enough of the buffet. So we went out and into another shop with nice air conditioning and layout, for dessert. we chatted, and chatted and chatted, exchanging information of other relatives and giving updates of each other. It was real nice and our topic of interest were quite similar because we are all not too far off in age. We were surprised when we were given free deserts on top of those that we ordered. Alas, we were too full by now that we have to reject 4 servings of the desserts and shared instead (there were 8 of us)
In all, the whole eating took around 2 hours. And I think I am going to skip breakfast tomorrow. And a jogging session is on schedule.
Anyway, Two of my cousin sisters from sabah (though one of them working in Australia now and one planning to study uni in KL) came down to the red dot for visit. (I would think that they wanted to visit another cousin and his baby more than meeting me and my brothers, but lets not go down that road)
One of em was famed to be pretty. I would think she is 19 years old. and she is pretty. Even with single eyelid. Petite, quiet, big clear eyes with matching eye brows and she is the youngest in the family just like me :) . Unfortunately, my brother is much more interested in her than I am in her.
Brotherhood first, so I guess I shall continue to make myself less attractive.
Anyway, we had dinner at a japanese buffet steamboat at sunset way. It was really enjoyable with light-hearted jokes, a cute baby, gorgeous young men, pretty girl and all. A real treat that lightened me up after 2 disappointing exams.
After the n-th rounds, we decided that we have enough of the buffet. So we went out and into another shop with nice air conditioning and layout, for dessert. we chatted, and chatted and chatted, exchanging information of other relatives and giving updates of each other. It was real nice and our topic of interest were quite similar because we are all not too far off in age. We were surprised when we were given free deserts on top of those that we ordered. Alas, we were too full by now that we have to reject 4 servings of the desserts and shared instead (there were 8 of us)
In all, the whole eating took around 2 hours. And I think I am going to skip breakfast tomorrow. And a jogging session is on schedule.
Monday, November 19, 2007
wierd community
The community in my area is weird!!!
I can categorised them into two groups. One of them is active at night, the other is active in the morning.
Those active in the night will inevitably cause some noise pollution much to the ire of those who are active in the morning.
So those morning people have come together and decided that they would like to announce their existence by sounding their car alarm from as early as 6.30am. Almost every single morning.
To the other poor people who are not involved in the noise pollution, god bless them.
I can categorised them into two groups. One of them is active at night, the other is active in the morning.
Those active in the night will inevitably cause some noise pollution much to the ire of those who are active in the morning.
So those morning people have come together and decided that they would like to announce their existence by sounding their car alarm from as early as 6.30am. Almost every single morning.
To the other poor people who are not involved in the noise pollution, god bless them.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Imaginative people?
I came to the conclusion that people living in my area have superb imagination. Listed below are some of the supporting cases:
A person riding a bike with modified music player and sound system, thought that his motorbike is a performance stage, HDB blocks around him are his audiences, sound from the speaker is his, and he is performing to an appreciative audience.
Another person (or is it the same? no idea) thought that the 500m or so road linking HDB to the road is world class racing track. Why else would he race from one end to the other on his motorbike again and again?
A group of youths (am tempted to mention their race, but then again better not) thought that 2.30am is daytime and they are free to talk (shout) to each other at residential area. Or that they are in a pub and need to shout to be heard.
Before I forget, there is an even more imaginative person who thinks that multi-level car park is race track and his motorcycle is meant for racing.
Lol, are they imaginative or what?
A person riding a bike with modified music player and sound system, thought that his motorbike is a performance stage, HDB blocks around him are his audiences, sound from the speaker is his, and he is performing to an appreciative audience.
Another person (or is it the same? no idea) thought that the 500m or so road linking HDB to the road is world class racing track. Why else would he race from one end to the other on his motorbike again and again?
A group of youths (am tempted to mention their race, but then again better not) thought that 2.30am is daytime and they are free to talk (shout) to each other at residential area. Or that they are in a pub and need to shout to be heard.
Before I forget, there is an even more imaginative person who thinks that multi-level car park is race track and his motorcycle is meant for racing.
Lol, are they imaginative or what?
Monday, October 29, 2007
Marriage and close relatives
Recently, two of my relatives are planning to get married. One of them at beginning of next year, the other end of next year. These should be joyous events but they are not. To me and some other relatives, they are a mismatch. A total mismatch.
Both of them are physically good looking, well educated, from good family background, good character. But their other halves are really not up to standard. I know that some say that love is everything. But one of them, ( a guy) do not even love the girl. It is another case of the girl love him then he just accepts her. Not that there is anything wrong with it if he knows what he wants. I talked to him and he said:" aiyah, now this girl still ok la, find a new one so troublesome, need to put in so much effort"
The other one is a girl, her future husband..... my family met him during chinese new year. When I set sight upon him, I was in disbelieve. He is a person without self-confidence, without good career (car sales man) going to marry a girl with Masters, father is lawyer and pretty?
The reply from her father "he is the son of god" ........
Such reasons..... for something so important... I am speechless...
Both of them are physically good looking, well educated, from good family background, good character. But their other halves are really not up to standard. I know that some say that love is everything. But one of them, ( a guy) do not even love the girl. It is another case of the girl love him then he just accepts her. Not that there is anything wrong with it if he knows what he wants. I talked to him and he said:" aiyah, now this girl still ok la, find a new one so troublesome, need to put in so much effort"
The other one is a girl, her future husband..... my family met him during chinese new year. When I set sight upon him, I was in disbelieve. He is a person without self-confidence, without good career (car sales man) going to marry a girl with Masters, father is lawyer and pretty?
The reply from her father "he is the son of god" ........
Such reasons..... for something so important... I am speechless...
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Morning bad luck
Ok. It is confirmed. I have bad luck in the morning. Three mornings of bad luck in a row is too much.
First, is long wait for bus.
Then is the 8 year old girl who died at neighbouring block.
On saturday.........
I packed my things and took a bus to interchange. Going to meet my brothers and go back together.
When I got on the bus, I went to upper deck to get a sit. At that time, I was feeling happy because I am going back.
Out of no where, I felt my shoulder being tapped so I turned back. First, I saw two fingers that have some wrinkles on them and some dirt. Then my sight followed the arm to look at the face. It was a woman who is more than 50 years old, wearing a not so new t-shirt.
She was talking to me. I did not get what she is saying the first time. But it is ok, she repeated it again. Then I realised that she was speaking in Hokkien. She said something like "lio kao boa, jiat kopi" ($2.50, drink coffee).
My first reaction..... I look at her and think to myself , "are you kidding me? since when did beggars turn change their work place to be on a bus?"
My reply to her is to turn and look outside the window, ignoring her. After she asked for 5 times, she went back to her seat.
And I start to think about what happened. My first guess was that she is not mentally sound and wanted to test my theory when other people came up to the second deck. Funny enough, she did not approach anyone else (do I look like those who will easily give away money?)
My curiosity was aroused. I wanted to take another look at her. So when the bus reached interchange, I took a look backwards as I was going down the stairs. I was freaked out. There was the lady, sitting 4 or 5 rows behind me. She was staring at me with anger, accusation, disbelieve, confused look (anger being the bigger part of it). I don't know how so many emotions can fit in the eyes but she did it.
I concluded that there is only two possibilities:
1. She have some mental conditions. the look in her eyes have some similarity to the look of a person who is plain crazy. Trust me, I know.
Lets divert a while to a story in secondary school...
One fine day after school (my classes in morning), I waited at the bus stop for public bus to come. Suddenly, someone grabbed my tie (part of school uniform) and pulled me towards him. He was around 40's, Malay/Indonesian.
He pulled me very close to his face and stared at my eyes. I could hear his breathing which is like panting after heavy exercise. He uses a lot of strength on his hold of my tie and I had difficulty breathing.
I could tell that he was very agitated and there is no way I could have matched his strength. (I was still a small skinny kid. And it is proven that crazy people have tremendous strength) All I could do was just stared back at him with terrified look on my face. Time seems to stop still and I was cursing at all the other students around me for not helping me or even noticing the situation I was in. I wanted to look away but his face was too close to my face, blocking my vision of other things.
After an eternity (actual time is no more than 3 minutes), he released me and sit quietly, dejectedly. I quickly took off my tie and stood far from him, all the while keeping an eye on him, preparing to run away if he comes at me again. ( no idea how I was going to do it when my whole body was shaking from the shock)
Fortunately, he left it as it is. But those looks... those looks.....
2. Do ghosts roam around in the day time? If they do, she might be one of them.
(oh damn, I am writing this in the night. And I am alone in the whole damn apartment... oh shit>
First, is long wait for bus.
Then is the 8 year old girl who died at neighbouring block.
On saturday.........
I packed my things and took a bus to interchange. Going to meet my brothers and go back together.
When I got on the bus, I went to upper deck to get a sit. At that time, I was feeling happy because I am going back.
Out of no where, I felt my shoulder being tapped so I turned back. First, I saw two fingers that have some wrinkles on them and some dirt. Then my sight followed the arm to look at the face. It was a woman who is more than 50 years old, wearing a not so new t-shirt.
She was talking to me. I did not get what she is saying the first time. But it is ok, she repeated it again. Then I realised that she was speaking in Hokkien. She said something like "lio kao boa, jiat kopi" ($2.50, drink coffee).
My first reaction..... I look at her and think to myself , "are you kidding me? since when did beggars turn change their work place to be on a bus?"
My reply to her is to turn and look outside the window, ignoring her. After she asked for 5 times, she went back to her seat.
And I start to think about what happened. My first guess was that she is not mentally sound and wanted to test my theory when other people came up to the second deck. Funny enough, she did not approach anyone else (do I look like those who will easily give away money?)
My curiosity was aroused. I wanted to take another look at her. So when the bus reached interchange, I took a look backwards as I was going down the stairs. I was freaked out. There was the lady, sitting 4 or 5 rows behind me. She was staring at me with anger, accusation, disbelieve, confused look (anger being the bigger part of it). I don't know how so many emotions can fit in the eyes but she did it.
I concluded that there is only two possibilities:
1. She have some mental conditions. the look in her eyes have some similarity to the look of a person who is plain crazy. Trust me, I know.
Lets divert a while to a story in secondary school...
One fine day after school (my classes in morning), I waited at the bus stop for public bus to come. Suddenly, someone grabbed my tie (part of school uniform) and pulled me towards him. He was around 40's, Malay/Indonesian.
He pulled me very close to his face and stared at my eyes. I could hear his breathing which is like panting after heavy exercise. He uses a lot of strength on his hold of my tie and I had difficulty breathing.
I could tell that he was very agitated and there is no way I could have matched his strength. (I was still a small skinny kid. And it is proven that crazy people have tremendous strength) All I could do was just stared back at him with terrified look on my face. Time seems to stop still and I was cursing at all the other students around me for not helping me or even noticing the situation I was in. I wanted to look away but his face was too close to my face, blocking my vision of other things.
After an eternity (actual time is no more than 3 minutes), he released me and sit quietly, dejectedly. I quickly took off my tie and stood far from him, all the while keeping an eye on him, preparing to run away if he comes at me again. ( no idea how I was going to do it when my whole body was shaking from the shock)
Fortunately, he left it as it is. But those looks... those looks.....
2. Do ghosts roam around in the day time? If they do, she might be one of them.
(oh damn, I am writing this in the night. And I am alone in the whole damn apartment... oh shit>
Friday, October 12, 2007
jokes
English lecture
In English, a double negative forms a positive, such as the phrase "not unfamiliar". But in some languages such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.
However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative," said the professor.
A voice from the back of the classroom said, "Yeah, right"
In English, a double negative forms a positive, such as the phrase "not unfamiliar". But in some languages such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.
However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative," said the professor.
A voice from the back of the classroom said, "Yeah, right"
Morning occurances. Death
It seems that I have the worst of luck in the morning to actually stumbled upon death......
I woke up relatively early in the morning (6.30am) to prepare for school.
As I was doing my morning exercise, I heard police siren which I dismissed as not important.
We had fighter jets zooming above few times a week, what is a police siren compared to that?
So I continue my preparation for school.
As I was walking towards the elavator, I spoted a police van stopping downstairs and 4 or 5 police officers got down. Now, what would require so many police officers? I was curious.
At the ground floor, I notice that there is a police cordone at a neighbouring block and I walked towards it. I can see that some residents are standing around and explaining to other people what happened which I did not bother to listen to because I could guess what happened....
There is a tent set up by the police to cover something. I saw the tent before in news. Police used it to cover dead body. Taking a quick glance around, I saw people pointing upwards. So my second guess is that someone fell down.
Then, there are only few options left in order of highest probability:
1. Suicide - possible in view of high stress environment
2. maid fell down - there were few cases of it already. Maid fell while cleaning windows
3. Murder or effect of heated argument.
I turned and walked towards bus stop. Another life lost just like that. sigh...
Recent check on news website revealed that the body is of a 8 year old girl.. So young... consequence of playfulness? sigh...
I woke up relatively early in the morning (6.30am) to prepare for school.
As I was doing my morning exercise, I heard police siren which I dismissed as not important.
We had fighter jets zooming above few times a week, what is a police siren compared to that?
So I continue my preparation for school.
As I was walking towards the elavator, I spoted a police van stopping downstairs and 4 or 5 police officers got down. Now, what would require so many police officers? I was curious.
At the ground floor, I notice that there is a police cordone at a neighbouring block and I walked towards it. I can see that some residents are standing around and explaining to other people what happened which I did not bother to listen to because I could guess what happened....
There is a tent set up by the police to cover something. I saw the tent before in news. Police used it to cover dead body. Taking a quick glance around, I saw people pointing upwards. So my second guess is that someone fell down.
Then, there are only few options left in order of highest probability:
1. Suicide - possible in view of high stress environment
2. maid fell down - there were few cases of it already. Maid fell while cleaning windows
3. Murder or effect of heated argument.
I turned and walked towards bus stop. Another life lost just like that. sigh...
Recent check on news website revealed that the body is of a 8 year old girl.. So young... consequence of playfulness? sigh...
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Sardine can? or not.
There are two buses that heads towards university on the same route. One is sort of express, from interchange to university without stopping. I have to take the other one.
So on a fine cooling and morning, I walked towards the bus stop while gentle breeze gently massage my face. I wanted to study in university for the whole day. I admit it is quite hard for me to make that decision :P. But I am in a good mood because the weather is good.
And I waited at the bus stop.
In a modern country that pride itself with its public transport, how long does it take to get on board a loop bus service? 10? 20? 30? I would say more than 35 minutes.
People waited in dismay as we saw not 1, not 2, not 3 but 4 direct express bus passed by without one normal bus.
After what seems like an eternity (especially for those who are going for 8.30am class), bus arrive at 8.45am. As usual, I took a peek at the upper deck and found it to be empty. So I boarded the bus with dozen others. I was curious to see that other people are contented to stand at the lower deck, blocking other people from getting to the upper deck and thus depriving passengers from boarding the bus, even when there are plenty of seats at the upper deck.
Is my brain faulty or is it theirs? Given a choice of seating down comfortably with air-cond blowing down directly, they chose to stand and squeeze and sweat?
Weird. Lol
So on a fine cooling and morning, I walked towards the bus stop while gentle breeze gently massage my face. I wanted to study in university for the whole day. I admit it is quite hard for me to make that decision :P. But I am in a good mood because the weather is good.
And I waited at the bus stop.
In a modern country that pride itself with its public transport, how long does it take to get on board a loop bus service? 10? 20? 30? I would say more than 35 minutes.
People waited in dismay as we saw not 1, not 2, not 3 but 4 direct express bus passed by without one normal bus.
After what seems like an eternity (especially for those who are going for 8.30am class), bus arrive at 8.45am. As usual, I took a peek at the upper deck and found it to be empty. So I boarded the bus with dozen others. I was curious to see that other people are contented to stand at the lower deck, blocking other people from getting to the upper deck and thus depriving passengers from boarding the bus, even when there are plenty of seats at the upper deck.
Is my brain faulty or is it theirs? Given a choice of seating down comfortably with air-cond blowing down directly, they chose to stand and squeeze and sweat?
Weird. Lol
Monday, October 08, 2007
《清宫风云》片尾 歌词——“阴错阳差”
未离别先有了牵挂，
真牵挂却已是咫尺天涯。
想说爱却开口成骂，
真想骂却早已冰雪融化。
近看是疤，远看是花。
种瓜得豆，种豆得瓜。
是什么它这样阴错阳差？
啊……嗳……
不小心就走进了瓜田李下。
越小心越走不出迷魂八卦。
啊……嗳……
近看是疤，远看是花。
种瓜得豆，种豆得瓜。
是什么它这样阴错阳差？
啊……嗳……
不小心就走进了瓜田李下。
越小心越走不出迷魂八卦。
啊……嗳……
这天下真叫做江山如画。
这人间真叫人心乱如麻。
啊……嗳……
Sunday, October 07, 2007
关系
有时候，我会问自己。人与人之间到底要又怎么样的关系。亲如父母兄弟，住在一起却会有意见不一致的时候，从而导致双方都不愉快。
两个哥哥子中学起，在同一个班级读书。来到了异国，他们也一起住了快三年了。然而，他们却时常为了一些完全可以避免的事情而闹得不愉快。
我想妈提起，她说：
“人呀，在一起难免会吵架。以前，我和你爸也我和你爸也是经常这样。年轻啊！要面子，谁都不愿意让步。现在不同了。现在老了。吵架的时候， 会想到 “何必呢？都已经相处了这么久。老来有伴就好了” ”
可见，人的智慧是随着年龄而增长的。好面子，好生，是年轻人的缺点啊！
两个哥哥子中学起，在同一个班级读书。来到了异国，他们也一起住了快三年了。然而，他们却时常为了一些完全可以避免的事情而闹得不愉快。
我想妈提起，她说：
“人呀，在一起难免会吵架。以前，我和你爸也我和你爸也是经常这样。年轻啊！要面子，谁都不愿意让步。现在不同了。现在老了。吵架的时候， 会想到 “何必呢？都已经相处了这么久。老来有伴就好了” ”
可见，人的智慧是随着年龄而增长的。好面子，好生，是年轻人的缺点啊！
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Seminar happenings
For the first time since the start of semester, I am early for the class. Previously, I had to rush there from another class and will always be late (well, truth is I seldom go for this class)
I am seated at the front row, eyeing other students who started to trickle in. Alas, there is no super pretty gals or handsome guys to nourish my eyes. Lo and behold, the lecturer came in.
He turn towards students and flashed his smile (his opinion: charming smile. My opinion: retarded smile). Then he goes on to turn on the computer and search for power point slides. Much to his dismay, he realised that he forgot to upload the slides, which means that students do not have it too. He rushed out of the class to try to ratify the problem.
Half an hour later, he came back and announced that he will give us break to go and print the power point slides. Unfortunately, students are not impressed as there should be a break whether or not there is a printing session. This simply means that there will not be a break because of that.
oh well, it happens.
Just when I thought that class is going to start (to cover previous materials which he left out because of 'time constrain'), he started to announce one by one the marks of assignment and quiz of each student in the seminar room.
Some excerpt:
" XYZ, ah, first class material, quiz high marks, assignment good quality..."
"ABC, ah, quiz not so good but assignment good. I respect you. You are better than me. I can see your pain in doing the assignment. Well, everyone can do it but it is painful. You are better than me, you are better than professors........"
"DEF, tsk tsk, both also not good, where are you? oh absent.. this is bad,........."
I shall not go on. For simplicity, just times each statement by 12 times. oh, these takes up 45 minutes
In between, he cracked some 'jokes' and made some statements....
" when apply for job, females should say that she want to be single! (raising his hands and laughing) No company want to employ you if you say that you want to balance work and family unless you work for government"
" you know, company that makes weapon are very powerful. They control the country. they make the most money when there is war. fight fight fight. This fight that, that fight this...."
" ok we will try to cover these materials. But my colleague do not want to cover this topic. Well, I am expert in this topic but they say that it is not important. It is important.............."
" ah then this topic we will also try to cover. I am also an expert in this topic. I am expert in the world........."
With just one hour left ( out of 3 hours seminar), he let us off to print slides, saying that it is 10 minutes break.
So, printing......
back in class within 8 minutes and waits... Prof strolled in at the 20th minutes holding cup of coffee. Open his slides, turn volume to the maximum and started to play with his slides. Why the volume? because he wanted to put students in the star wars era with all the high pitch laser sounds he added into each and every single slides (previously was explosion sounds). So he click click click... While I hold my head, trying to withstand the onslaught of star wars......
< looking at summary page>.. "Ok we have to cover this but we do not have time (thanks to who?) so we will cover until.... . Ah this topic, I am expert on this....
<10 minutes later>, class starts with just 45 minutes left.
Suddenly, he came upon one slides with errors. It appears as a plain and simple error to me because the next slide counters the argument, so does text book (should be the word before instead of after) Without realising it, he rattles on (reading slides). After a while, he notice something funny with the slides. start to crack his head. Being the expert that he is, he started to develop his own theory to match the slide (contradicting himself a few times while doing so)
After some of futile attempts at explaining it(students busy copying down the rubbish that he is saying). I asked him if it should be 'before' based on the next slides. He looks at next slide and have a blank look on his face. Turn towards his 'first class materials' students and ask them " how do I reconcile this?" After some attempts at trying to make his previous speech make sense, he realise that he couldn't and skipping the whole thing altogether........
At the end,...
" people should be humble ( I totally agree)... then continues talking how he is expert in this and that...."
" I want you all to write a lot. I am expert in marking essays. For one point, write it out in different ways (where does the efficiency goes to?)"
Finally, time ends and he continue to talk about not enough time.. bla bla bla....
With all this, is it a wonder why I hate going to the class? LOL
I am seated at the front row, eyeing other students who started to trickle in. Alas, there is no super pretty gals or handsome guys to nourish my eyes. Lo and behold, the lecturer came in.
He turn towards students and flashed his smile (his opinion: charming smile. My opinion: retarded smile). Then he goes on to turn on the computer and search for power point slides. Much to his dismay, he realised that he forgot to upload the slides, which means that students do not have it too. He rushed out of the class to try to ratify the problem.
Half an hour later, he came back and announced that he will give us break to go and print the power point slides. Unfortunately, students are not impressed as there should be a break whether or not there is a printing session. This simply means that there will not be a break because of that.
oh well, it happens.
Just when I thought that class is going to start (to cover previous materials which he left out because of 'time constrain'), he started to announce one by one the marks of assignment and quiz of each student in the seminar room.
Some excerpt:
" XYZ, ah, first class material, quiz high marks, assignment good quality..."
"ABC, ah, quiz not so good but assignment good. I respect you. You are better than me. I can see your pain in doing the assignment. Well, everyone can do it but it is painful. You are better than me, you are better than professors........"
"DEF, tsk tsk, both also not good, where are you? oh absent.. this is bad,........."
I shall not go on. For simplicity, just times each statement by 12 times. oh, these takes up 45 minutes
In between, he cracked some 'jokes' and made some statements....
" when apply for job, females should say that she want to be single! (raising his hands and laughing) No company want to employ you if you say that you want to balance work and family unless you work for government"
" you know, company that makes weapon are very powerful. They control the country.
" ok we will try to cover these materials. But my colleague do not want to cover this topic. Well, I am expert in this topic but they say that it is not important. It is important.............."
" ah then this topic we will also try to cover. I am also an expert in this topic. I am expert in the world....
With just one hour left ( out of 3 hours seminar), he let us off to print slides, saying that it is 10 minutes break.
So, printing......
back in class within 8 minutes and waits... Prof strolled in at the 20th minutes holding cup of coffee. Open his slides, turn volume to the maximum and started to play with his slides. Why the volume? because he wanted to put students in the star wars era with all the high pitch laser sounds he added into each and every single slides (previously was explosion sounds). So he click click click... While I hold my head, trying to withstand the onslaught of star wars......
< looking at summary page>.. "Ok we have to cover this but we do not have time (thanks to who?) so we will cover until.... . Ah this topic, I am expert on this....
<10 minutes later>, class starts with just 45 minutes left.
Suddenly, he came upon one slides with errors. It appears as a plain and simple error to me because the next slide counters the argument, so does text book (should be the word before instead of after) Without realising it, he rattles on (reading slides). After a while, he notice something funny with the slides. start to crack his head. Being the expert that he is, he started to develop his own theory to match the slide (contradicting himself a few times while doing so)
After some of futile attempts at explaining it(students busy copying down the rubbish that he is saying). I asked him if it should be 'before' based on the next slides. He looks at next slide and have a blank look on his face. Turn towards his 'first class materials' students and ask them " how do I reconcile this?" After some attempts at trying to make his previous speech make sense, he realise that he couldn't and skipping the whole thing altogether........
At the end,...
" people should be humble ( I totally agree)... then continues talking how he is expert in this and that...."
" I want you all to write a lot. I am expert in marking essays. For one point, write it out in different ways (where does the efficiency goes to?)"
Finally, time ends and he continue to talk about not enough time.. bla bla bla....
With all this, is it a wonder why I hate going to the class? LOL
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
physical impaired...
I keep telling myself that I am fine, that I can live as normal people do.
But truth is always harsh. It has proven me wrong again.
I am so sick and tired of telling everyone again and again about my condition. Not that I wanted others to pity me. Just that I do not want them to misunderstand me when I responded in a weird way during conversation.
I hate to sit on the right side. I hate to be in a noisy place. I hate to see the look that says :" gosh why am I talking to you? you don't even reply to my sentence. This is a waste of my time". I hate it. I hate it. HATE IT!!
I have been trying all I can to try to live with it. Turning all the way to the left when someone on my left is speaking. Guessing what they are talking about by looking at their lips. Avoid situation where I have to sit on the right side. Avoid going to noisy places. But sometimes, it is just not enough.
Hence, there is a higher chance that I am misunderstood as not paying attention, snoobish, slow, blur.... To reduce the chance of it occuring, I am quiet during gathering so that people will not talk to me. Yeah, I am a quiet person with nothing much to talk about. So don't bother talking to me. At least this is quiet is better than cause misunderstanding.
Oh, there is one more thing I hate. Driving car and chatting at the same time, since driver seat is at the right side. If I am chatting, I'll have to turn to the left, my eyes will be busy trying to guess words by looking at lips movement. No, I was not involved in accident before, fortunately.
If words of a specialist is true, I will have to live with this all my life. All my life.. Will the situation becomes better?? Maybe it will. That is if I wear a huge signboard saying that "I am partially deaf, Do not be offended". Well, maybe a small paper stuck on my forehead will be more subtle. Or should I just plug earphones into my ear all the times?
周围的人们在欢笑，
说着笑话唱着歌，
谈天说地多自在。
可是我，无奈的我；
只能一个人，
默默的扮演我的角色；
哑巴的角色，
聋子的角色。
期待能融入快乐的人们；
却只能永远，
做哑剧的观众。
But truth is always harsh. It has proven me wrong again.
I am so sick and tired of telling everyone again and again about my condition. Not that I wanted others to pity me. Just that I do not want them to misunderstand me when I responded in a weird way during conversation.
I hate to sit on the right side. I hate to be in a noisy place. I hate to see the look that says :" gosh why am I talking to you? you don't even reply to my sentence. This is a waste of my time". I hate it. I hate it. HATE IT!!
I have been trying all I can to try to live with it. Turning all the way to the left when someone on my left is speaking. Guessing what they are talking about by looking at their lips. Avoid situation where I have to sit on the right side. Avoid going to noisy places. But sometimes, it is just not enough.
Hence, there is a higher chance that I am misunderstood as not paying attention, snoobish, slow, blur.... To reduce the chance of it occuring, I am quiet during gathering so that people will not talk to me. Yeah, I am a quiet person with nothing much to talk about. So don't bother talking to me. At least this is quiet is better than cause misunderstanding.
Oh, there is one more thing I hate. Driving car and chatting at the same time, since driver seat is at the right side. If I am chatting, I'll have to turn to the left, my eyes will be busy trying to guess words by looking at lips movement. No, I was not involved in accident before, fortunately.
If words of a specialist is true, I will have to live with this all my life. All my life.. Will the situation becomes better?? Maybe it will. That is if I wear a huge signboard saying that "I am partially deaf, Do not be offended". Well, maybe a small paper stuck on my forehead will be more subtle. Or should I just plug earphones into my ear all the times?
周围的人们在欢笑，
说着笑话唱着歌，
谈天说地多自在。
可是我，无奈的我；
只能一个人，
默默的扮演我的角色；
哑巴的角色，
聋子的角色。
期待能融入快乐的人们；
却只能永远，
做哑剧的观众。
Monday, September 17, 2007
Death?
I had a dream..... Usually dreams are forgotten when a person wakes up. But not this dream. It is etched deep in my mind....
It all started in the house of my mother's father in a village. My family was there for a visit I suppose. And I was cleaning ladder with a brush in the toilet(why cleaning? why ladder? hm..)
Then as I was cleaning the ladder, the scene switched to me cleaning a head in the toilet. Yes, just a head. The funny thing is I do not feel afraid then, like it was a normal thing. The head belonged to my mum's father who passed away. The interesting thing is that the head was chattering away. This continues for some time until the head turned (how to turn without neck? no idea) towards me and said:" you can see me? you are dead??!!".
That was when my fear and uneasiness sets in. I dare not turn to look behind me because I was afraid of what I might see (my body lying on the floor). I was terrified. Suddenly, I saw my eldest brother at the entrance to the toilet. I knew then that he cannot see me or hear me but I wanted him to help me. So I banged against the toilet door. I saw him looked inside the toilet but the toilet was dark. He moved closer as my fear deepens............
And POOF!!!! I woke up.... What a dream.. This is the second time I dreamt of such things happening in that house which has been empty for a long time since my grandma moved and stay in my home. The previous time was the feeling of evil presence in the place..
Have I been watching too much "Ghost Whisperer"? LOL
It all started in the house of my mother's father in a village. My family was there for a visit I suppose. And I was cleaning ladder with a brush in the toilet(why cleaning? why ladder? hm..)
Then as I was cleaning the ladder, the scene switched to me cleaning a head in the toilet. Yes, just a head. The funny thing is I do not feel afraid then, like it was a normal thing. The head belonged to my mum's father who passed away. The interesting thing is that the head was chattering away. This continues for some time until the head turned (how to turn without neck? no idea) towards me and said:" you can see me? you are dead??!!".
That was when my fear and uneasiness sets in. I dare not turn to look behind me because I was afraid of what I might see (my body lying on the floor). I was terrified. Suddenly, I saw my eldest brother at the entrance to the toilet. I knew then that he cannot see me or hear me but I wanted him to help me. So I banged against the toilet door. I saw him looked inside the toilet but the toilet was dark. He moved closer as my fear deepens............
And POOF!!!! I woke up.... What a dream.. This is the second time I dreamt of such things happening in that house which has been empty for a long time since my grandma moved and stay in my home. The previous time was the feeling of evil presence in the place..
Have I been watching too much "Ghost Whisperer"? LOL
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
secured feelings?
I have heard and read about how people feel unsafe with the presence of foreign workers. I did not quite believe it, until today.
I was queueing up for bus behind a cute girl. As people began to board the bus, I notice that there was a foreign worker who stared blatantly at the girl in front of me. If I were in her position, I would feel uncomfortable too.
However, I do sympathise with the worker's position. Working long hours, away from wife and children. It could get lonely I suppose. But to stare at opposite gender in such a blatant way... is just not right.
My respect for females that was given this treatment and yet managed it well.
I was queueing up for bus behind a cute girl. As people began to board the bus, I notice that there was a foreign worker who stared blatantly at the girl in front of me. If I were in her position, I would feel uncomfortable too.
However, I do sympathise with the worker's position. Working long hours, away from wife and children. It could get lonely I suppose. But to stare at opposite gender in such a blatant way... is just not right.
My respect for females that was given this treatment and yet managed it well.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Living in stories..
'Sheng! get ready! We are going off to Library.'
Such calls are not uncommon to hear when I was small. It was a routine every two weeks for each library. Me and my brothers will be packed into the car and travelled 40 minutes to libraries. There were 2 libraries that we frequented. One near town and another in industrial area.
I was fortunate to have parents who are well aware of the importance of reading. Hence we were members of 2 libraries. Each membership allows loan of 3 books for 2 weeks. So in total there will be 21 books from both libraries. I never really enjoyed reading when I was small. But I enjoyed the praise that I received from my mum when I passed the test. The test is to give a summary of what the book I read was about verbally. Normally, this is done when my mum was doing laundry.
When I grow up, I started to like reading and hating it at the same time.
I like it because it is a real pleasure to be able to read an interesting story that has an original theme. I frequently lost track of time when I had a good story to read. I could continue reading from the moment I am awake until I force myself to sleep late at night.
For me, reading is an important way to to relieve stress or any other negative feelings that I have.
However, all this reading is causing me lots of problem. Firstly, it is getting harder and harder to find good stories that is interesting and have a sense of humour and has original theme at the same time. Another thing is my addiction to reading which caused me to waste valuable time which I should be using to do tutorials and studies.
But I cannot help it. The story world is too interesting. Every emotion can be found in stories.. happiness, cheekiness, .... I so wish to have endless supplies of good stories to read.
stories... my life....
Such calls are not uncommon to hear when I was small. It was a routine every two weeks for each library. Me and my brothers will be packed into the car and travelled 40 minutes to libraries. There were 2 libraries that we frequented. One near town and another in industrial area.
I was fortunate to have parents who are well aware of the importance of reading. Hence we were members of 2 libraries. Each membership allows loan of 3 books for 2 weeks. So in total there will be 21 books from both libraries. I never really enjoyed reading when I was small. But I enjoyed the praise that I received from my mum when I passed the test. The test is to give a summary of what the book I read was about verbally. Normally, this is done when my mum was doing laundry.
When I grow up, I started to like reading and hating it at the same time.
I like it because it is a real pleasure to be able to read an interesting story that has an original theme. I frequently lost track of time when I had a good story to read. I could continue reading from the moment I am awake until I force myself to sleep late at night.
For me, reading is an important way to to relieve stress or any other negative feelings that I have.
However, all this reading is causing me lots of problem. Firstly, it is getting harder and harder to find good stories that is interesting and have a sense of humour and has original theme at the same time. Another thing is my addiction to reading which caused me to waste valuable time which I should be using to do tutorials and studies.
But I cannot help it. The story world is too interesting. Every emotion can be found in stories.. happiness, cheekiness, .... I so wish to have endless supplies of good stories to read.
stories... my life....
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Invisible Prison
I realised that I was in prison and may still be in it for some time.
A prison that confined my and block my interaction with people around me.
A prison that was set up unintentionally by myself.
which was influenced by the environment that I am in.
where I lived alone in the whole unit.
I got so used of being alone that I forgot what it is like to be in a group. sigh..
Maybe it is because of survival instinct.
Many things I do are viewed upon as weird.
Eg: Looi Sing!!! you know how to sew? Are you sure you are a guy?
(the thing is, since sec school, both parents busy working. If I do not learn to do it myself I would have not enough uniform to wear.. )
Eg: Why you so quiet?
(since pri 6, I have been lonely. brothers all in different sessions. parents all working. During that time I was afraid of thunderstorm. Especially when lightning caused a blackout.. I hugged my legs and sit in a corner for hours until the sky lights up or parents come back. I had to get use to loneliness, quietness hopelessness, etc etc to survive.)
Ah well, but all those are over. I shall open up more!!!
A prison that confined my and block my interaction with people around me.
A prison that was set up unintentionally by myself.
which was influenced by the environment that I am in.
where I lived alone in the whole unit.
I got so used of being alone that I forgot what it is like to be in a group. sigh..
Maybe it is because of survival instinct.
Many things I do are viewed upon as weird.
Eg: Looi Sing!!! you know how to sew? Are you sure you are a guy?
(the thing is, since sec school, both parents busy working. If I do not learn to do it myself I would have not enough uniform to wear.. )
Eg: Why you so quiet?
(since pri 6, I have been lonely. brothers all in different sessions. parents all working. During that time I was afraid of thunderstorm. Especially when lightning caused a blackout.. I hugged my legs and sit in a corner for hours until the sky lights up or parents come back. I had to get use to loneliness, quietness hopelessness, etc etc to survive.)
Ah well, but all those are over. I shall open up more!!!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Are we living happily?
When I watch tv programme, I pay special attention to the eyes of the celebrities and hosts. I noticed that many of them have eyes that speaks of boredom, tiredness, unhappiness. This observation is not limited to celebrities. It is fairly easy to see people with dark eye rings dozing off in MRT. If one is more observant, it is easy to see that many people have unconsciously wear the worried look all the time.
Are we living our life happily? I wonder.....
Are we living our life happily? I wonder.....
Monday, July 30, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
The End
So it ends. Much like everything else, there is always an end. Such is the same for my attachment.
I must admit that I felt a little bit sad that I cannot join my ex-colleagues in their fight with the papers and documents. Not that I like the job a lot. It is the people.
Hard to believe? a month ago I was still cursing and swearing about the people and now I kind of miss them. The only reason is because I learnt about ways to handle people. I even went and bought a book on ways to handle difficult people. It helped. A month ago, they will be insulted or angry if I tell them about a mistake they made. But towards the end, they are able to accept it well and even apologise sincerely.
Why? because I made them my friends. We were able to joke, laugh and make fun of each other. All because I change the way I interact with them. Different people, Different time, Different mood all requires different ways of handling. I would say that I managed to find that way successfully. (Of course, the occasional treat of cakes and puffs help)
The end of one thing, is only the beginning of another. Now I have to come up with a report on the attachment. I must admit that I do not really like to write a report. But then again, who likes it anyway. .. LOL...
I must admit that I felt a little bit sad that I cannot join my ex-colleagues in their fight with the papers and documents. Not that I like the job a lot. It is the people.
Hard to believe? a month ago I was still cursing and swearing about the people and now I kind of miss them. The only reason is because I learnt about ways to handle people. I even went and bought a book on ways to handle difficult people. It helped. A month ago, they will be insulted or angry if I tell them about a mistake they made. But towards the end, they are able to accept it well and even apologise sincerely.
Why? because I made them my friends. We were able to joke, laugh and make fun of each other. All because I change the way I interact with them. Different people, Different time, Different mood all requires different ways of handling. I would say that I managed to find that way successfully. (Of course, the occasional treat of cakes and puffs help)
The end of one thing, is only the beginning of another. Now I have to come up with a report on the attachment. I must admit that I do not really like to write a report. But then again, who likes it anyway. .. LOL...
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Crazy person in a crazy village
Don't know if any of you heard about the story.
It goes like this...
Long long time ago... ( as always)
There was a man who came back to his village after working for a long time in the city.
..............
.............
.............
In short, he is a normal person. However, everyone around him is not of the right mind. So he was treated as a crazy person by the other villagers.
Recently, I heard and saw things that made me have the same feeling as the man mentioned above.
Incident 1....
Most of my colleague are chinese speaking except for one. Well, apparently they have a sense that their chinese level is superior than Malaysian counterpart. So they teased me again and again without any regard for my delicate heart. However, their chinese is even worse than mine in terms of usage of words. I was so close at blurting out that they are wrong but I stopped myself. Why? Because my superiors also using making the mistake. Furthermore, the mistake is so common that it has become a norm in this society where it will be a mistake for me to even say that it is a mistake (hm...seems to be hard to understand.. lol)
Incident 2.....
A said : You know ar... I met this very rude lady in the Mrt.
B replied : Why? What happened?
A :Well, it was very crowded in the mrt and I was standing at the door. Then when the mrt reach a stop, this lady ask me to give way and said that I should be more automatic in doing it without being asked to. She is so rude!!! I was waiting for people to say excuse me then I give way ma.
My Question to A (which I did not ask since everyone who is around me agree with A)..
1. Mrt doors are meant for people to enter and exit is it not?
2. It is highly possible that there will be people boarding and unboarding mrt at each stop right?
3. They have to use the door right?
4. Given the situation, is it not clear that A should be expecting to give way for people to board and unboard mrt?
I don't know. For me, even if I am not standing at the door, even if I am closing my eyes to rest, I would just take a while to see if people around me is getting off and if I am blocking their way or if I get a seat, if there is other people who needs the seat more than I do (elderly people, pregnant women etc)
I don't understand it. Is it because the country is so well managed by government that people take things for granted? Is it because majority rules hence everything they do they think is right?... well well.... this is so wrong..
It goes like this...
Long long time ago... ( as always)
There was a man who came back to his village after working for a long time in the city.
..............
.............
.............
In short, he is a normal person. However, everyone around him is not of the right mind. So he was treated as a crazy person by the other villagers.
Recently, I heard and saw things that made me have the same feeling as the man mentioned above.
Incident 1....
Most of my colleague are chinese speaking except for one. Well, apparently they have a sense that their chinese level is superior than Malaysian counterpart. So they teased me again and again without any regard for my delicate heart. However, their chinese is even worse than mine in terms of usage of words. I was so close at blurting out that they are wrong but I stopped myself. Why? Because my superiors also using making the mistake. Furthermore, the mistake is so common that it has become a norm in this society where it will be a mistake for me to even say that it is a mistake (hm...seems to be hard to understand.. lol)
Incident 2.....
A said : You know ar... I met this very rude lady in the Mrt.
B replied : Why? What happened?
A :Well, it was very crowded in the mrt and I was standing at the door. Then when the mrt reach a stop, this lady ask me to give way and said that I should be more automatic in doing it without being asked to. She is so rude!!! I was waiting for people to say excuse me then I give way ma.
My Question to A (which I did not ask since everyone who is around me agree with A)..
1. Mrt doors are meant for people to enter and exit is it not?
2. It is highly possible that there will be people boarding and unboarding mrt at each stop right?
3. They have to use the door right?
4. Given the situation, is it not clear that A should be expecting to give way for people to board and unboard mrt?
I don't know. For me, even if I am not standing at the door, even if I am closing my eyes to rest, I would just take a while to see if people around me is getting off and if I am blocking their way or if I get a seat, if there is other people who needs the seat more than I do (elderly people, pregnant women etc)
I don't understand it. Is it because the country is so well managed by government that people take things for granted? Is it because majority rules hence everything they do they think is right?... well well.... this is so wrong..
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Another failed attempt at finding my angel
Sigh, when will I ever find the one.....
It all sound like right, except that the girl is not exactly what I wanted......
She is in the same uni but different course as I am. We are doing our attachment in the same company.
She have some tasks that require her to come to the department I am in. We are from same country.
So it starts.....
It is 6pm. As a person who is very punctual, I left work at exactly 6pm. As usual, I walk at my pace which is slightly faster than other people. Which is a very good pace since I will be able to see more people along the way (meaning higher chances of seeing pretty gal, which I did quite a few times. but I shall not elaborate on it). Then I notice a person who looks very familiar in front of me. Hence I walked up to her and had conversation with her.
(from here onwards. shall switch to point form to save time and space... :) )
She wanted to check her mobile phone contract status so I accompanied her since it is on the way and there was no queue.
Boarded mrt and chatting.
Got off at the same station and decided in a indirect way that it is quite a good idea to have dinner together. ( of course, it is a pay separately type since not my gf and I am poor)
After dinner, best time to get to know each other. So we did more talking.
Decided that she is not my angel based on her thinking and mind set, character.
Sounds very detached? Maybe. But it is very hard to maintain love in the long term. So I think that for life partner, finding someone that I can be comfortable with even when there is no love, is important. Hm... This is potentially debatable.. oh well.. hahaha
It all sound like right, except that the girl is not exactly what I wanted......
She is in the same uni but different course as I am. We are doing our attachment in the same company.
She have some tasks that require her to come to the department I am in. We are from same country.
So it starts.....
It is 6pm. As a person who is very punctual, I left work at exactly 6pm. As usual, I walk at my pace which is slightly faster than other people. Which is a very good pace since I will be able to see more people along the way (meaning higher chances of seeing pretty gal, which I did quite a few times. but I shall not elaborate on it). Then I notice a person who looks very familiar in front of me. Hence I walked up to her and had conversation with her.
(from here onwards. shall switch to point form to save time and space... :) )
She wanted to check her mobile phone contract status so I accompanied her since it is on the way and there was no queue.
Boarded mrt and chatting.
Got off at the same station and decided in a indirect way that it is quite a good idea to have dinner together. ( of course, it is a pay separately type since not my gf and I am poor)
After dinner, best time to get to know each other. So we did more talking.
Decided that she is not my angel based on her thinking and mind set, character.
Sounds very detached? Maybe. But it is very hard to maintain love in the long term. So I think that for life partner, finding someone that I can be comfortable with even when there is no love, is important. Hm... This is potentially debatable.. oh well.. hahaha
Saturday, June 30, 2007
work? battleground
I have already into the second half of my attachment period. Up until now, it has been a good training for me.
I have been blamed for various things, some rightfully blamed while some are downright outrageous. Some blames are purposefully directed at me by some who appeared friendly and helpful.
I have been asked to do various tasks. Some are things that will help me learn, while most tasks are passed to me by other colleagues so that they can slack.
If I do not handle it well, I will be working until I pant like a dog after a 10km run and fuming mad like a dragon awakened from its sleep. Sometimes I will feel so dejected after work that my steps are heavy. Fortunately, I still manage to pull myself together for work on the next working day.
Work? I am not sure if I am ready for it. Not if the team that I will be working with are not efficient and when there is no accountability.
I have been blamed for various things, some rightfully blamed while some are downright outrageous. Some blames are purposefully directed at me by some who appeared friendly and helpful.
I have been asked to do various tasks. Some are things that will help me learn, while most tasks are passed to me by other colleagues so that they can slack.
If I do not handle it well, I will be working until I pant like a dog after a 10km run and fuming mad like a dragon awakened from its sleep. Sometimes I will feel so dejected after work that my steps are heavy. Fortunately, I still manage to pull myself together for work on the next working day.
Work? I am not sure if I am ready for it. Not if the team that I will be working with are not efficient and when there is no accountability.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Helping the needy. Is it really helping?
Beggars exists everywhere. Even in the richest country or a country with good social support system. How true.. I would say that it is a common sight to see people who try to get some money from our kindness. Some are really in a pitiful state and they are trying hard to show others that. We will see beggars with lost limb or limbs, and various other disabilities. Long time ago, I will not hesitate to fork out some change to give them. Now, I hesitate...
Am I really helping them by giving them money? This is similar to a story...
You feed a man a fish and he is fed once
You teach a man to fish and he is fed a lifetime.
When we are giving money to beggars, we are actually feeding them fish. They may get to live now, but what about the future? There is a high chance that they will be dependent on society's kindness to survive.
I did a mental calculation on how much a beggar actually gets. Although I always lament at how people in this country do not have courtesy and manners, I must admit that there is a fair number who are willing to donate money ( just look at the number of charity shows organised in a year. It is amazing). Assuming that a beggar pick a spot at a busy mrt station. The number of people passing by can easily reach a staggering 400. lets say one in every 40 people donate an average of 50 cents. That gives 5 dollars. Now all the info here are extremely conservative. Even so, there will be enough food to eat for days.... one if you want normal food (mixed rice). And what do they do? nothing much except to swallow their pride. However, my observation tells me that their pride is long gone. They are quite happy to beg.
Of course, not all are like that. Some are really in need. But I am sure there are other ways to seek help other than be beggars. Now and then, we hear about companies hiring disable people to work. It is not impossible to work when disabled. It is just about whether a person is willing to do so or not. Of course, I cannot fully understand how it is like to be disabled since I am only slightly disabled. But I believe that other people cannot help forever, only we can help ourselves.
Am I really helping them by giving them money? This is similar to a story...
You feed a man a fish and he is fed once
You teach a man to fish and he is fed a lifetime.
When we are giving money to beggars, we are actually feeding them fish. They may get to live now, but what about the future? There is a high chance that they will be dependent on society's kindness to survive.
I did a mental calculation on how much a beggar actually gets. Although I always lament at how people in this country do not have courtesy and manners, I must admit that there is a fair number who are willing to donate money ( just look at the number of charity shows organised in a year. It is amazing). Assuming that a beggar pick a spot at a busy mrt station. The number of people passing by can easily reach a staggering 400. lets say one in every 40 people donate an average of 50 cents. That gives 5 dollars. Now all the info here are extremely conservative. Even so, there will be enough food to eat for days.... one if you want normal food (mixed rice). And what do they do? nothing much except to swallow their pride. However, my observation tells me that their pride is long gone. They are quite happy to beg.
Of course, not all are like that. Some are really in need. But I am sure there are other ways to seek help other than be beggars. Now and then, we hear about companies hiring disable people to work. It is not impossible to work when disabled. It is just about whether a person is willing to do so or not. Of course, I cannot fully understand how it is like to be disabled since I am only slightly disabled. But I believe that other people cannot help forever, only we can help ourselves.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Attachment progress
Firstly, I gained the trust of supervisors and colleague. My ability at learning and completing task swiftly is recognised. I should be happy?
Maybe not.
Not when I am being dumped with more and more tasks to do while the other intern is slacking away.
Not when I am being asked to do things that any other person nearer can do. for example, I was asked to resolve copying issues when I am sure people who are seated just next to the machine will know it too ( I am seated all the way at the other end).
Not when expectations are set such that I work like a normal employee. I am just an intern who is paid a pathetic 600 dollars, less than half of the lowest paid in the department ( I am quite sure of this)
Not when original schedule of learning other tasks is postponed indefinitely because I am just too good to be true in the section. they are seriously in need of more man-power ( or woman if you feel offended).
Maybe I should talk to my supervisor about learning other things. Hopefully she will be in a good mood tomorrow and have low chance to encounter mood swing.
Maybe not.
Not when I am being dumped with more and more tasks to do while the other intern is slacking away.
Not when I am being asked to do things that any other person nearer can do. for example, I was asked to resolve copying issues when I am sure people who are seated just next to the machine will know it too ( I am seated all the way at the other end).
Not when expectations are set such that I work like a normal employee. I am just an intern who is paid a pathetic 600 dollars, less than half of the lowest paid in the department ( I am quite sure of this)
Not when original schedule of learning other tasks is postponed indefinitely because I am just too good to be true in the section. they are seriously in need of more man-power ( or woman if you feel offended).
Maybe I should talk to my supervisor about learning other things. Hopefully she will be in a good mood tomorrow and have low chance to encounter mood swing.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Death from overwork
Apparently, illness and death from overwork is very common in Japan. So much so that they actually developed a special term for it so that it will be easy to refer to. My gosh...
Hopefully Singapore will not go to that stage. Hm.... But looking at the way people in my attached company works, and if other companies are like that.. it may be possible that Singapore will face the problem of karoshi ( special term for death at work) in the future.
Is it really necessary to work to such an extent? Well, I do know some people derive satisfaction and happiness from work. I would think that it is not the case for karoshi. Get a real life man.... and woman. There is really not much chance of finishing work because there will always be work to be done. Moderation is the key to happiness and health.
Hopefully Singapore will not go to that stage. Hm.... But looking at the way people in my attached company works, and if other companies are like that.. it may be possible that Singapore will face the problem of karoshi ( special term for death at work) in the future.
Is it really necessary to work to such an extent? Well, I do know some people derive satisfaction and happiness from work. I would think that it is not the case for karoshi. Get a real life man.... and woman. There is really not much chance of finishing work because there will always be work to be done. Moderation is the key to happiness and health.
Monday, May 14, 2007
First day attachment
I cannot believe it. I thought I grew out of the stage. The stage where I can't sleep the night before. And it is because of attachment.
Fortunately, it did not rain when I was going to the company (even though it mr cloud was in bad, dark mood).
I was worried about how the people at the company will be like. Luckily, everyone I met so far was friendly, helpful and quite lenient on certain rules. And and there is another classmate under the same supervisor, which makes the work less boring (which can be very boring esp since nothing much to do initially).
Wonder how others are faring. I am under the department New Business Underwriting. It is an operation department. Sort of a go between for agents, actuarial department, marketing and sales, financial department. Sounds like fun. Hopefully will get to do more interesting and important task. haha..
Fortunately, it did not rain when I was going to the company (even though it mr cloud was in bad, dark mood).
I was worried about how the people at the company will be like. Luckily, everyone I met so far was friendly, helpful and quite lenient on certain rules. And and there is another classmate under the same supervisor, which makes the work less boring (which can be very boring esp since nothing much to do initially).
Wonder how others are faring. I am under the department New Business Underwriting. It is an operation department. Sort of a go between for agents, actuarial department, marketing and sales, financial department. Sounds like fun. Hopefully will get to do more interesting and important task. haha..
Friday, May 11, 2007
twist and turn of life
Fate had a way to play joke on helpless living beings.
In uni, there is an attachment programme. 2 supervisors will be assigned to a student where one will be from the organisation attached to, and one is a professor in uni.
There is nothing much to be said about the one from organisation since I would not know anyone from there. However, the professor from uni is quite interesting.
It appears that it is the same professor who fang fei gei on me and my friends. I was practically laughing at the irony of it. My trust for the professor is at bottom low. Now, I am supposed to entrust the professor into handling my attachment affair and problems. I am so going to hope that nothing unusual arises during my Attachment (nothing unusually bad, that is).
Attachment starting next week and will last for 10 weeks. However, most of the student feel that organisation take in students with low or no expectation, aka office boy/girl. Again, there is no way to verify this unless I am in it. Hope for the best... the best..
In uni, there is an attachment programme. 2 supervisors will be assigned to a student where one will be from the organisation attached to, and one is a professor in uni.
There is nothing much to be said about the one from organisation since I would not know anyone from there. However, the professor from uni is quite interesting.
It appears that it is the same professor who fang fei gei on me and my friends. I was practically laughing at the irony of it. My trust for the professor is at bottom low. Now, I am supposed to entrust the professor into handling my attachment affair and problems. I am so going to hope that nothing unusual arises during my Attachment (nothing unusually bad, that is).
Attachment starting next week and will last for 10 weeks. However, most of the student feel that organisation take in students with low or no expectation, aka office boy/girl. Again, there is no way to verify this unless I am in it. Hope for the best... the best..
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Home sick
Yes, I was literally sick when I am home. It all boils down to sleep deprivation.
I can't sleep with my parents because I will not be able to sleep with my father's snoring. I cannot sleep with m grandma because I am afraid that I will make sound and awaken her. Hence, I cannot sleep well in both the rooms for sleeping in my house. It got so bad that I have to resort to sleep downstairs in living room.
sigh.. now I am back in Singapore and recuperating. It sounds so weird. Normally people recuperate at home but I recuperate in a rented room. haih...
Fortunately, my short stay at home was enjoyable for my parents. Hahah.... we spent hours and hours watching the series - 天龙八部。naturally, I was bombarded with questions about who is the person in black, why they do that, what happen next etc etc... Fortunately, I read the story book more than 4 times and am able to remember the storyline. However, I kept mum on important things that will be a spoiler if I spill it too early.. haha...
I guess I did have quality time with parents. but not quantity. ah well... life is like that.
I can't sleep with my parents because I will not be able to sleep with my father's snoring. I cannot sleep with m grandma because I am afraid that I will make sound and awaken her. Hence, I cannot sleep well in both the rooms for sleeping in my house. It got so bad that I have to resort to sleep downstairs in living room.
sigh.. now I am back in Singapore and recuperating. It sounds so weird. Normally people recuperate at home but I recuperate in a rented room. haih...
Fortunately, my short stay at home was enjoyable for my parents. Hahah.... we spent hours and hours watching the series - 天龙八部。naturally, I was bombarded with questions about who is the person in black, why they do that, what happen next etc etc... Fortunately, I read the story book more than 4 times and am able to remember the storyline. However, I kept mum on important things that will be a spoiler if I spill it too early.. haha...
I guess I did have quality time with parents. but not quantity. ah well... life is like that.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
inhuman sessions
imagine you are in a class that teach stochastic.
Difficulty
Statistics < survival model < < stochastic.
And the official duration is 4 hours. First 2 hours lecture and last 2 hours tutorials.
However, changes were made and the session becomes a 4 hours lecture or 4 hours tutorial.
Then factor in overtime of 1 hour for lecture and half an hour for tutorial.
Can you take it?
Yes, my whole class (those that turned up ) go through a 5 hours lecture in the previous week. This week, it is a 4 and half hours tutorial.
Here is when you can begin to observe different behaviours. especially after the 3 hours mark.
Student A will eventually have a heavier head until it rest on the table. Then, the task of moisturising the table with saliva will begin.
Student B and C will demonstrate high difficulty action of sleeping while still in the position of copying answers on the board.
Student D and E fished out a whole bar of chocolate and start to munch away. And to increase the fun of eating, they bite off the chocolate and keep it in their mouth. Then, took a picture with tongue stuck out.
Then there will be the familiar sight of geniuses asking questions life no tomorrow. And fighting for a chance to do tutorials questions on the board.
not to forget the professor who is titanium built. He managed to give a 5 hours lecture (with a short break after first 2 hours). Oh, did I mention he was standing and at times was scribbling things ( that look foreign to most of the class except a few) on the board.
And there will be bullying of a pitiful guy at the back of the class....
Hahaha initially I wanted to write about how tiring and boring the class is.. Hm... it turned out to be interesting.. hehe... Ah well, thank goodness those decade long session has come to an end.... for now.....
Difficulty
Statistics < survival model < < stochastic.
And the official duration is 4 hours. First 2 hours lecture and last 2 hours tutorials.
However, changes were made and the session becomes a 4 hours lecture or 4 hours tutorial.
Then factor in overtime of 1 hour for lecture and half an hour for tutorial.
Can you take it?
Yes, my whole class (those that turned up ) go through a 5 hours lecture in the previous week. This week, it is a 4 and half hours tutorial.
Here is when you can begin to observe different behaviours. especially after the 3 hours mark.
Student A will eventually have a heavier head until it rest on the table. Then, the task of moisturising the table with saliva will begin.
Student B and C will demonstrate high difficulty action of sleeping while still in the position of copying answers on the board.
Student D and E fished out a whole bar of chocolate and start to munch away. And to increase the fun of eating, they bite off the chocolate and keep it in their mouth. Then, took a picture with tongue stuck out.
Then there will be the familiar sight of geniuses asking questions life no tomorrow. And fighting for a chance to do tutorials questions on the board.
not to forget the professor who is titanium built. He managed to give a 5 hours lecture (with a short break after first 2 hours). Oh, did I mention he was standing and at times was scribbling things ( that look foreign to most of the class except a few) on the board.
And there will be bullying of a pitiful guy at the back of the class....
Hahaha initially I wanted to write about how tiring and boring the class is.. Hm... it turned out to be interesting.. hehe... Ah well, thank goodness those decade long session has come to an end.... for now.....
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Stupid business practices
It is a wonder how some businesses manage to survive... I have 2 example to show
Well, firstly is about hair cut. Due to the fact that I will be going for professional attachment after my exam, I went for a hair cut. As I pass by a Malay barber shop, I saw many barbers sitting around chatting. But there was no price board that is significant enough to catch my attention.
When I was considering if I should get my hair cut there, a board caught my eye. It said unisex hair cut S$ 8. So I turn around and ask the group of malay male barbers there.
I said :' Gunting rambut berapa?' (how much for hair cut)
B replied :' sepuluh' (ten)
I asked :' tetapi sana gunting lapan dollar sahaja' (but that side cut only 8 dollars)
B said :' Kalau macam itu, pergilah gunting kat sana' ( if so, go cut there la)
So I went and got my hair cut for 8 dollars. After haircut, there is even a promotion where I will get a free hair cut if I cut for 10 times. (though I think this is bullshit. I cut once in 2 months.. 10 times? almost 2 years....). But the point is that, there is such a promotion, and lower price. I do not know what the other barber shop is thinking..
Another instance is about food. I was trying out a few stalls around my area. most of them have around the same price (2.7, 2.8,2.6). So after a while, I went to get my food at a vegetarian stall which sold me meal at 2.6. I took 3 dishes as per normal.
However, when I was paying for it, I thought I heard wrongly.... The lady there actually charged me for S$3.20. Ridiculously, it is even more expensive than normal meal with meat.
I am not trying to discriminate here, but her husband charged me 2.60..... Where the extra 60 cents come from?
I swear I am not going back to the barber shop and the vegetarian stall anymore.. stupid practices..
Well, firstly is about hair cut. Due to the fact that I will be going for professional attachment after my exam, I went for a hair cut. As I pass by a Malay barber shop, I saw many barbers sitting around chatting. But there was no price board that is significant enough to catch my attention.
When I was considering if I should get my hair cut there, a board caught my eye. It said unisex hair cut S$ 8. So I turn around and ask the group of malay male barbers there.
I said :' Gunting rambut berapa?' (how much for hair cut)
B replied :' sepuluh' (ten)
I asked :' tetapi sana gunting lapan dollar sahaja' (but that side cut only 8 dollars)
B said :' Kalau macam itu, pergilah gunting kat sana' ( if so, go cut there la)
So I went and got my hair cut for 8 dollars. After haircut, there is even a promotion where I will get a free hair cut if I cut for 10 times. (though I think this is bullshit. I cut once in 2 months.. 10 times? almost 2 years....). But the point is that, there is such a promotion, and lower price. I do not know what the other barber shop is thinking..
Another instance is about food. I was trying out a few stalls around my area. most of them have around the same price (2.7, 2.8,2.6). So after a while, I went to get my food at a vegetarian stall which sold me meal at 2.6. I took 3 dishes as per normal.
However, when I was paying for it, I thought I heard wrongly.... The lady there actually charged me for S$3.20. Ridiculously, it is even more expensive than normal meal with meat.
I am not trying to discriminate here, but her husband charged me 2.60..... Where the extra 60 cents come from?
I swear I am not going back to the barber shop and the vegetarian stall anymore.. stupid practices..
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
unexpected find
This morning, I was looking at the 2 pitiful arowana, apparently in state of hunger. As the owners came back yesterday, I assumed they bought the food for arowana.
Hence, I went to search for it (they usually put at one place if they want me to feed it). Then while I was searching, I notice something at one end. From far, it looked like vcds. So I thought that they gotten some not original vcd to watch. Then on closer inspection.....
Whoala!!! it appears to be movies where actresses and actors try to save on clothings.
And the owners stayed in their room for quite some time.. hm... Now I know what they were doing... LOL.....
Though I cannot figure out why they do not keep it in the master bedroom.
Hence, I went to search for it (they usually put at one place if they want me to feed it). Then while I was searching, I notice something at one end. From far, it looked like vcds. So I thought that they gotten some not original vcd to watch. Then on closer inspection.....
Whoala!!! it appears to be movies where actresses and actors try to save on clothings.
And the owners stayed in their room for quite some time.. hm... Now I know what they were doing... LOL.....
Though I cannot figure out why they do not keep it in the master bedroom.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
what could have been
A lot of people always think of 'what could have been'
I could have been a millionaire if I had taken that path...
I could have gotten better result if I had study better...
I could have been enjoying myself if I did not do that...
etc etc...
However, there is almost one thing in common. People always think that they are in a worse position than they could have been. The fact is, we are never satisfied with what we have. Why can't we think like....
I could have been worse off but I am better now
I could just be like those people who are broke...
etc...
Then we will feel better. Although it is not that nice to think of others as worse off than us. But I suppose if we don't do it blatantly, it would really help us feel happy, wouldn't it?
I remember watching a show quite a long time ago. They interviewed quite a number of elderly people in singapore who lived alone. I felt quite sad when they said that they do not have any other relatives. It is even worse when they said that their children never come and visit them. The disappointment is clearly reflected in their eyes.
Hence I was thinking of the current situation in singapore. Many parents nowadays left their children in the care of childcare, maid, their parents etc etc.. I was thinking that maybe they are focusing too much on the present need and neglecting the long term factor.
When a person grow old, I would think that he/she would very much to be in the company of family who love them. The best way to foster this love is when their children are small. I believe humans know who are good to them and treat them accordingly. I cannot bear to think of how the situation will be like 40 or 50 years down the road... When people do not feel so strongly attached to their parents.. sigh...
I could have been a millionaire if I had taken that path...
I could have gotten better result if I had study better...
I could have been enjoying myself if I did not do that...
etc etc...
However, there is almost one thing in common. People always think that they are in a worse position than they could have been. The fact is, we are never satisfied with what we have. Why can't we think like....
I could have been worse off but I am better now
I could just be like those people who are broke...
etc...
Then we will feel better. Although it is not that nice to think of others as worse off than us. But I suppose if we don't do it blatantly, it would really help us feel happy, wouldn't it?
I remember watching a show quite a long time ago. They interviewed quite a number of elderly people in singapore who lived alone. I felt quite sad when they said that they do not have any other relatives. It is even worse when they said that their children never come and visit them. The disappointment is clearly reflected in their eyes.
Hence I was thinking of the current situation in singapore. Many parents nowadays left their children in the care of childcare, maid, their parents etc etc.. I was thinking that maybe they are focusing too much on the present need and neglecting the long term factor.
When a person grow old, I would think that he/she would very much to be in the company of family who love them. The best way to foster this love is when their children are small. I believe humans know who are good to them and treat them accordingly. I cannot bear to think of how the situation will be like 40 or 50 years down the road... When people do not feel so strongly attached to their parents.. sigh...
Monday, March 26, 2007
I felt my eyes!!!
I do not know whether I should be laugh or cry..
It happen like this.
I woke up 4 days ago and looked into the mirror. hm.. there seems to be an insect bite at my nose. The position is just nice, in the sense that it is where my specs will rest on. It is not so bad. So I just ignored it and carry on doing what I should do.
second day. Oh my god. it is swollen (a bit) hurts a little when wear specs. I applied some oilment and took the advice of my mum (place hot towel on it). Then I went out to get contact lenses because such bites don heal so fast.
The next day.. 'who the hell glued my right eyes together!!!!' Alas, it appears that the swelling has spread to my right eye. So I got up at 6 am and planned to visit the doctor in the morning. After checking the opening hours of the clinic, I realised that they only open at 8.30 am.
at 8.30, I went to consult doctor. 'DA BLOODY CLINIC!!!!, waited like 2 1/2 hours!!!!' What is more, the doctor was not very willing to give information. Had to pry them out of him. Geez!!! He never even notice the swell has spreaded to my right eye.
So I guess I am stuck with 30 days of contact lenses. (min purchase is 30 days). Need a lot to get used to. Everytime I want to study, I will instinctively look for my specs then realised that I can see well. Of course there is the hassle of spending around 30 minutes to put them on in the first place ( I am still very noob at it). Furthermore, I normally bath many times per day. oh damn, cannot wear contacts when bathing.. sigh.. sigh.. I guess the landlord will be wondering at the lower water bill this month.. LOL....
It happen like this.
I woke up 4 days ago and looked into the mirror. hm.. there seems to be an insect bite at my nose. The position is just nice, in the sense that it is where my specs will rest on. It is not so bad. So I just ignored it and carry on doing what I should do.
second day. Oh my god. it is swollen (a bit) hurts a little when wear specs. I applied some oilment and took the advice of my mum (place hot towel on it). Then I went out to get contact lenses because such bites don heal so fast.
The next day.. 'who the hell glued my right eyes together!!!!' Alas, it appears that the swelling has spread to my right eye. So I got up at 6 am and planned to visit the doctor in the morning. After checking the opening hours of the clinic, I realised that they only open at 8.30 am.
at 8.30, I went to consult doctor. 'DA BLOODY CLINIC!!!!, waited like 2 1/2 hours!!!!' What is more, the doctor was not very willing to give information. Had to pry them out of him. Geez!!! He never even notice the swell has spreaded to my right eye.
So I guess I am stuck with 30 days of contact lenses. (min purchase is 30 days). Need a lot to get used to. Everytime I want to study, I will instinctively look for my specs then realised that I can see well. Of course there is the hassle of spending around 30 minutes to put them on in the first place ( I am still very noob at it). Furthermore, I normally bath many times per day. oh damn, cannot wear contacts when bathing.. sigh.. sigh.. I guess the landlord will be wondering at the lower water bill this month.. LOL....
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
dream girl?
I met my dream girl.. in my dream (duh).
I still remember the content of the dream. though I cannot remember clearly that face of the girl.. sigh... I remembered that she is slim, long hair, and not too tall. I swear that I nvr thought of anything related to the girl that appeared in my dreams. By the way, I never met the girl before.
In the dream, me and the girl loved each other very much. so much so that we cannot live without each other. SAdly, her parents voiced their strong objection. I still remember the pain that I felt in my heart. Then, I woke up.. sigh.. such a short dream. What happen after that? I have no idea.
If want to create story, I would say that me and the girl commited suicide and then promised to be together in the next life (got the idea from a story book I read in HSS library :P). hehe.. I think too much.
ah.... sleepy again.. been sleeping too much nowadays.. hoping to meet the dream girl .wahhaha
I still remember the content of the dream. though I cannot remember clearly that face of the girl.. sigh... I remembered that she is slim, long hair, and not too tall. I swear that I nvr thought of anything related to the girl that appeared in my dreams. By the way, I never met the girl before.
In the dream, me and the girl loved each other very much. so much so that we cannot live without each other. SAdly, her parents voiced their strong objection. I still remember the pain that I felt in my heart. Then, I woke up.. sigh.. such a short dream. What happen after that? I have no idea.
If want to create story, I would say that me and the girl commited suicide and then promised to be together in the next life (got the idea from a story book I read in HSS library :P). hehe.. I think too much.
ah.... sleepy again.. been sleeping too much nowadays.. hoping to meet the dream girl .wahhaha
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
great timing
Sigh.. just when many things are happening, I am ill. All because of the stupid weather. for the past few days, it was so hot, dry and there is no wind. Then today, it rained heavily.. Thus, I am down with fever and sore throat.
Just when I was planning to go back for qing ming. And new development is that my grand uncle is hovering on the edge of death, so they might go back earlier than this saturday. To complicate matter, there is a stochastic quiz next friday.
I had to leave class early ( 4 hours seminar) and skipped communication class after that because I felt so cold I was shivering, even with jacket on. Hence I walked to canteen and bought 2 packet of rice then headed home. I knew that there is no way I am going to walk out again in the evening to get dinner. My leg muscles are trying to make me feel numb of pain. SO I reached my rented place and start searching for panadol. Alas, there seems to be no trace of their existance. After dumping things around for a while, I found a row of tablet with just 2 left. God knows when I got them. Much to my joy, it appears to contain paracetamol. I just downed them, hopefully, they will work wonders for me.
Oh.. now my back start to ache.. sigh.. stupid illness
Just when I was planning to go back for qing ming. And new development is that my grand uncle is hovering on the edge of death, so they might go back earlier than this saturday. To complicate matter, there is a stochastic quiz next friday.
I had to leave class early ( 4 hours seminar) and skipped communication class after that because I felt so cold I was shivering, even with jacket on. Hence I walked to canteen and bought 2 packet of rice then headed home. I knew that there is no way I am going to walk out again in the evening to get dinner. My leg muscles are trying to make me feel numb of pain. SO I reached my rented place and start searching for panadol. Alas, there seems to be no trace of their existance. After dumping things around for a while, I found a row of tablet with just 2 left. God knows when I got them. Much to my joy, it appears to contain paracetamol. I just downed them, hopefully, they will work wonders for me.
Oh.. now my back start to ache.. sigh.. stupid illness
Sunday, March 11, 2007
old.. sob.. old...
I was happily cradling my packed food and bread, walking towards my block. Just before I went into the lift, I saw 2 kids riding bicycle, apparently wanting to get on the lift.
As a basic courtesy, I waited for them to get in. The younger one looked and me and said 'xie xie' (thank you).
I was thinking.. wow, such a good mannered kid.
When we reached 5th floor ( we stayed at same floor), the elder kid got out first. Then the younger one insisted I go out before him. My good impression of them increases. Then when I was walking off, one of them yelled 'xie xie' again. However, what happened next left me laughing. After that, he addressed me as 'uncle'!!!!
Man, I nearly stumbled and fell. Do I seriously loook that old? or is it that it is accurate to address people my age as uncle? hm... haih... cheers to the 'uncle'... lol
As a basic courtesy, I waited for them to get in. The younger one looked and me and said 'xie xie' (thank you).
I was thinking.. wow, such a good mannered kid.
When we reached 5th floor ( we stayed at same floor), the elder kid got out first. Then the younger one insisted I go out before him. My good impression of them increases. Then when I was walking off, one of them yelled 'xie xie' again. However, what happened next left me laughing. After that, he addressed me as 'uncle'!!!!
Man, I nearly stumbled and fell. Do I seriously loook that old? or is it that it is accurate to address people my age as uncle? hm... haih... cheers to the 'uncle'... lol
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Fragility and helplessness of life
Recently, I cannot help but to think that human are so helpless in the face of nature (or god ). No matter what we do, we will all die. It is quite sad that the inevitable thing is, we are all living a day less as we live each day. I cannot believe that my father is about to retire soon, I do not wish to believe. But there is no denying it. My parents are ageing, even more so for my grandma. It is disheartening.
When I talk to my grandma, she was so happy and tell me about her life last time, her other children and many other things. Then after some time, it struck me that she does not remember what she told me 40 minutes ago. She is repeating herself over... and over again. Her memory is failing her. Tears welled up in my eyes then and now too as I type this.
How can we live when we know that we will grow old, helpless, body ache everywhere, failing memory and health. When we will have to be dependent on other people once again when we are independent for so many years. Sometimes when I walk pass an old perso, I wonder what is on his/her mind. Where they are can only walk slowly and watch young people zeep pass them. When I sat waiting for bus, I see them having to rest at each and every bus stop that they come across before continuing their slow walk back.
The only thing that they can be happy about is if they have children and grandchildren that are successful and filial. Successful does not necesarry means earn a lot of money, success varies from person to person. I would think success is when a person can earn a living without resorting to unlawful means. Success is when their children are able to live independent and comfortable in the future.
To all the people who are reading this, think of what you want when you are old. If you are staying with your parents, be more considerate to them. Don't think that they are bothersome when they nag at you. They do it because they care for you. For those who are not staying with your parents, make a trip back and visit them more often.
I can feel and see that my parents are extremely happy when I go back and stay even for a few days. Similarly, I can see the disappointment clearly written on their face when I have to tell them that I ahve to go be back to Singapore. My heart wrenches when I know that my father took leave off to accompany me only to know that I have to go back to Singapore on the very first day of his leave. I'm sorry.... I'm very sorry.. I don't know how I can ever repay what my parents did for me, other then to live meaningfully. But deep in my heart, I know that it is just not enough. Nothing is ever enough.
I still can remember when I was around 7 years old. I was very sick, high fever, no appetite, no strength to walk. It was past mid-night, my area was not very developed, 24 hours clinic was not available. My father tried to make me feel better by carrying me, walking around and talking softly to me until I fell asleep. Even when I was an adult, the care from my parents never cease.
I was in uni hostel, I had high fever... so much so that I felt light headed and fall down when I was standing. I do not want parents to worry so I did not tell them, but they called and found out I was very sick. On that very same night, they drove over and fetch me back so they can take care of me. My mum even took leave to take care of me.
Me and my brothers are in singapore working and studying. My parents are afraid that we do not get good food to eat. Hence, every Sunday, my mum will wake up at 5.30am to cook fish, my father will make carrot juice. Then they will drive over with other fruits, biscuits, and other basic necessities. I feel bad when I see my parents and they have the tire look in their eyes. I feel even worse when their tiredness are quickly washed away when they see me and my brothers. I swear I will take every opportunity to go back and visit them whenever I can.
I can never repay what they did for me, ever......
Sigh.. things will be much more simple if humans are without emotion. But then, it will be a sad thing too. nothing can ever be perfect
When I talk to my grandma, she was so happy and tell me about her life last time, her other children and many other things. Then after some time, it struck me that she does not remember what she told me 40 minutes ago. She is repeating herself over... and over again. Her memory is failing her. Tears welled up in my eyes then and now too as I type this.
How can we live when we know that we will grow old, helpless, body ache everywhere, failing memory and health. When we will have to be dependent on other people once again when we are independent for so many years. Sometimes when I walk pass an old perso, I wonder what is on his/her mind. Where they are can only walk slowly and watch young people zeep pass them. When I sat waiting for bus, I see them having to rest at each and every bus stop that they come across before continuing their slow walk back.
The only thing that they can be happy about is if they have children and grandchildren that are successful and filial. Successful does not necesarry means earn a lot of money, success varies from person to person. I would think success is when a person can earn a living without resorting to unlawful means. Success is when their children are able to live independent and comfortable in the future.
To all the people who are reading this, think of what you want when you are old. If you are staying with your parents, be more considerate to them. Don't think that they are bothersome when they nag at you. They do it because they care for you. For those who are not staying with your parents, make a trip back and visit them more often.
I can feel and see that my parents are extremely happy when I go back and stay even for a few days. Similarly, I can see the disappointment clearly written on their face when I have to tell them that I ahve to go be back to Singapore. My heart wrenches when I know that my father took leave off to accompany me only to know that I have to go back to Singapore on the very first day of his leave. I'm sorry.... I'm very sorry.. I don't know how I can ever repay what my parents did for me, other then to live meaningfully. But deep in my heart, I know that it is just not enough. Nothing is ever enough.
I still can remember when I was around 7 years old. I was very sick, high fever, no appetite, no strength to walk. It was past mid-night, my area was not very developed, 24 hours clinic was not available. My father tried to make me feel better by carrying me, walking around and talking softly to me until I fell asleep. Even when I was an adult, the care from my parents never cease.
I was in uni hostel, I had high fever... so much so that I felt light headed and fall down when I was standing. I do not want parents to worry so I did not tell them, but they called and found out I was very sick. On that very same night, they drove over and fetch me back so they can take care of me. My mum even took leave to take care of me.
Me and my brothers are in singapore working and studying. My parents are afraid that we do not get good food to eat. Hence, every Sunday, my mum will wake up at 5.30am to cook fish, my father will make carrot juice. Then they will drive over with other fruits, biscuits, and other basic necessities. I feel bad when I see my parents and they have the tire look in their eyes. I feel even worse when their tiredness are quickly washed away when they see me and my brothers. I swear I will take every opportunity to go back and visit them whenever I can.
I can never repay what they did for me, ever......
Sigh.. things will be much more simple if humans are without emotion. But then, it will be a sad thing too. nothing can ever be perfect
Thursday, February 15, 2007
group bad luck
I always have bad luck with groups. And it seems that it is not about to stop now. Though previous times,.. the end result was good.
This time, my Final Year Project group went to do
research on potential topics,
emailed professors,
made phone calls to professors,
made appointment with professors ,
knocked on professors' door many times (most of the time professors not in),
Discussed topics with professors,
listen to professors' counter proposal,
Analysed each professor and their topic,
Decided on professor and topic
Went to talk to him again
confirmed with him that we are doing with him
happily go to register on website
Only to find an email from the professors after few days telling us that he promised another group beforehand...
And we rejected another good professor already... now left nowhere... WTF!!!!!!!!!!!
This time, my Final Year Project group went to do
research on potential topics,
emailed professors,
made phone calls to professors,
made appointment with professors ,
knocked on professors' door many times (most of the time professors not in),
Discussed topics with professors,
listen to professors' counter proposal,
Analysed each professor and their topic,
Decided on professor and topic
Went to talk to him again
confirmed with him that we are doing with him
happily go to register on website
Only to find an email from the professors after few days telling us that he promised another group beforehand...
And we rejected another good professor already... now left nowhere... WTF!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Professor mind set?
How will you define a hard question?
Is it a question that need a clear understanding of what was taught?
or is it the professors' idea of questions that involve things that were not taught at all?
THAT is the whole problem. Ever since last semester, it is a frustrating experience when attempting to do tutorials. There will be terms, methods, relationships etc that students were not taught.
Then the professor will come happily for seminar and give a lecture. After that, he will discuss the previous tutorial of previous lecture. When he was explaining a hard question that students cannot do, he will say some things that make students feel even worse .Eg: 'eh? why you cannot do? but I just mentioned in the lecture just now.' Got the point? a tutorial which was supposed to be based on previous week's lecture, have concepts that were only taught in this week.
The worst thing is that there will always be some mysterious creature (definitely not human) who will be able to obtain a solution to the questions.
URGH!!!!! damn it. I may have to execute my own study style and quit following what others are doing... sigh.....
Is it a question that need a clear understanding of what was taught?
or is it the professors' idea of questions that involve things that were not taught at all?
THAT is the whole problem. Ever since last semester, it is a frustrating experience when attempting to do tutorials. There will be terms, methods, relationships etc that students were not taught.
Then the professor will come happily for seminar and give a lecture. After that, he will discuss the previous tutorial of previous lecture. When he was explaining a hard question that students cannot do, he will say some things that make students feel even worse .Eg: 'eh? why you cannot do? but I just mentioned in the lecture just now.' Got the point? a tutorial which was supposed to be based on previous week's lecture, have concepts that were only taught in this week.
The worst thing is that there will always be some mysterious creature (definitely not human) who will be able to obtain a solution to the questions.
URGH!!!!! damn it. I may have to execute my own study style and quit following what others are doing... sigh.....
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Path of torture
Yes indeed. I walked the path that few take. (reminds me of English literature, Form 5, haha....)
Carrot juice at dinner +
5 banana after dinner +
jogging with ankle weights
= ?
A smelly business.
A disaster when you not near a toilet (or a bush, depends on where you are or rather, what time period you are from.. hehe)
Hell, when you are in a civilised country with many people around and toilet are nowhere in sight.
For those who know the place, it is from SRC NTU to Jurong West sports complex. That will be known to me as path of torture from now on..
It is another test of mental (and bowel) strength.
It is a battle between temptation and sanity
It is a ultimate test of civilisation
It is
.
.
.
(and the list goes on :P)
Well, I made it back thru self-hypnotize..
'I am nothing
'since I am nothing, I cannot feel anything'
Ah well, enough of it already. Hope there will not be a third experience for me
Carrot juice at dinner +
5 banana after dinner +
jogging with ankle weights
= ?
A smelly business.
A disaster when you not near a toilet (or a bush, depends on where you are or rather, what time period you are from.. hehe)
Hell, when you are in a civilised country with many people around and toilet are nowhere in sight.
For those who know the place, it is from SRC NTU to Jurong West sports complex. That will be known to me as path of torture from now on..
It is another test of mental (and bowel) strength.
It is a battle between temptation and sanity
It is a ultimate test of civilisation
It is
.
.
.
(and the list goes on :P)
Well, I made it back thru self-hypnotize..
'I am nothing
'since I am nothing, I cannot feel anything'
Ah well, enough of it already. Hope there will not be a third experience for me
Friday, January 26, 2007
Professional Attachment
It is the period where business and accountancy second year student have to register for professional attachment.
I was happily logging onto the system thinking of all the big and famous insurance firm that will be available for application.
Alas!!! to my disappointment, there is only one major insurance company-Great Eastern. The other companies are not really related to actuarial science. And we were asked to apply for Great Eastern before. The responses that some students received were of positions not related to actuarial science too. This leads me to think that many people do not really know what actuarial science is all about. That includes people from career services (because they got those companies for actuarial science).
Furthermore, I noticed discrimination against foreigners by companies or organisations. They put requirement as "Singaporeans only" or "Singaporeans and PRs only" (which don't make much difference since students rarely are able to get PRs). Well, I shall not name those companies or organisation. So there is 2 more group of positions that is not available to me.
On further checking, there is an European company that offers many positions for actuarial students. However, 1/3 of the positions needs people who are willing to work European hours. If I take the position, I will be working from 9pm to 1 or 3 am. It will be a suicide for people who sleep early, like me.
Sigh..... what to do? what to do.......
I was happily logging onto the system thinking of all the big and famous insurance firm that will be available for application.
Alas!!! to my disappointment, there is only one major insurance company-Great Eastern. The other companies are not really related to actuarial science. And we were asked to apply for Great Eastern before. The responses that some students received were of positions not related to actuarial science too. This leads me to think that many people do not really know what actuarial science is all about. That includes people from career services (because they got those companies for actuarial science).
Furthermore, I noticed discrimination against foreigners by companies or organisations. They put requirement as "Singaporeans only" or "Singaporeans and PRs only" (which don't make much difference since students rarely are able to get PRs). Well, I shall not name those companies or organisation. So there is 2 more group of positions that is not available to me.
On further checking, there is an European company that offers many positions for actuarial students. However, 1/3 of the positions needs people who are willing to work European hours. If I take the position, I will be working from 9pm to 1 or 3 am. It will be a suicide for people who sleep early, like me.
Sigh..... what to do? what to do.......
Monday, January 22, 2007
busy busy busy
Icannot believe it. Ｉ ｈａｖｅ ｏｎｅ ｏｆ ｔｈｅ ｌｅａｓｔ ｓｕｂｊｅｃｔｓ ａｎｄ ｙｅｔ I have one of the longest study hours.
Been doing tutorials all the time... Survival and stochastic together in one sem is really crazy...
Starting to get used to survival. But stochastics still make me have headache.. It is like a totally different language that I do not understand. haih..
Been doing tutorials all the time... Survival and stochastic together in one sem is really crazy...
Starting to get used to survival. But stochastics still make me have headache.. It is like a totally different language that I do not understand. haih..
Friday, January 19, 2007
more cons of HDB
It is quite eerie. There are so many funerals going on around my place. One just concluded last night. Then tonight there is another one just under me, 5 floor under me.
I think I must have seen around 6 funerals that was carried out.
The worst is, it is just the tip of the ice berg. This is because I can only observe funerals carried out in taoist style. So, there are actually much more deaths around here, deaths concerning Muslims or Christians or other religion that does not carry out their funeral at open spaces around my block.
.. Brrrr..... better stop now....
I think I must have seen around 6 funerals that was carried out.
The worst is, it is just the tip of the ice berg. This is because I can only observe funerals carried out in taoist style. So, there are actually much more deaths around here, deaths concerning Muslims or Christians or other religion that does not carry out their funeral at open spaces around my block.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
My head.. oh my head....
I am being plague by dizziness. It happened few days ago.
Well,initially it was quite fun. However as time progress, I found out that it shows no sign of going away. To make matter worse, it seems to be constant dizziness. Maybe I should consult the doctor someday soon.
now it is even harder for me to do survival and stochastic which needs full concentration. sigh. so troublesome.
Hm.. how does my dizziness feels. Well, it is not associated much with motion. It seems to be more like feeling of head expanding. How I wish that is really the case. Then I would be able to handle my course with ease.
Well,initially it was quite fun. However as time progress, I found out that it shows no sign of going away. To make matter worse, it seems to be constant dizziness. Maybe I should consult the doctor someday soon.
now it is even harder for me to do survival and stochastic which needs full concentration. sigh. so troublesome.
Hm.. how does my dizziness feels. Well, it is not associated much with motion. It seems to be more like feeling of head expanding. How I wish that is really the case. Then I would be able to handle my course with ease.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Actuarial in NTU = suicide
Here I am at the start of a new semester. Well, students will normally have a easy start at the beginning of the semester.
However, not the case for actuarial course. Up till now (which is just the first week) I have 2 lectures that I have to switch to blur mode. Got some idea after reading many times thru Survival Modelling. As for Stochastic, it is like aids.. very deadly. Of course, you'll have the ppl in class who will still tops and do tutorial when lecture is on. Unfortunately, not me.
Seems like I always have a tendency to commit suicide. When I exercise (swimming, jogging) I tend to over-exert myself to the point of breaking. I may have gone too far in my suicide attempt this time by taking this course.
Will I be able to survive this semester? If I can, I wil survive anything. If not, it will spell disaster for me which is comparable to "The Day After Tomorrow".
However, not the case for actuarial course. Up till now (which is just the first week) I have 2 lectures that I have to switch to blur mode. Got some idea after reading many times thru Survival Modelling. As for Stochastic, it is like aids.. very deadly. Of course, you'll have the ppl in class who will still tops and do tutorial when lecture is on. Unfortunately, not me.
Seems like I always have a tendency to commit suicide. When I exercise (swimming, jogging) I tend to over-exert myself to the point of breaking. I may have gone too far in my suicide attempt this time by taking this course.
Will I be able to survive this semester? If I can, I wil survive anything. If not, it will spell disaster for me which is comparable to "The Day After Tomorrow".
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
year of bad luck
First there was the bloody Survival Modelling seminar. The 70 years old tutor managed to get almost 90% of the class to be blur/confused/blank. He contradicted himself on numerous occasion and pass off confusing parts (at least for me) with the words "you know"
Then had to do an assignment in 24hours. Just before I check the question, my computer had a performance of a total crash. Nothing can bo done to save it anymore.. poor thing.
And with no question and no computer to do the assignment, I turned to my brothers' place for divine intervention.
Well, tried to figure out what was wrong with my computer. In the process of testing, my computer burnt my brother's graphics card.
Test result:
Graphics card functional
Hard disc mildly fucntional
Power supply packs a punch to kill ppl ( OK)
for those who don't know computer, cd-rom, dvd-rom or floppy disc have nothing much to do with the main system. So did not bother checking those.
Turns out that the problem lies with mother board or CPU. Conclusion, most probably mother board is overdue.
And so, my graphics card went to my brother as compensation. What was left of my com was left there as decoration. And I took a laptop back to use. Well, it belongs to my brother's gf. Technically, still my brother's because he bought it.. hm.. ah well. Brother buying another one soon for me so I use this one temporary.
Found out that lap tops are generally much more slower and retarded compared to desk top.
I tell you, the year of 2007 is the year of bad luck. The devils are coming to wreak havoc!!!! ROAR!!!!!!!
Then had to do an assignment in 24hours. Just before I check the question, my computer had a performance of a total crash. Nothing can bo done to save it anymore.. poor thing.
And with no question and no computer to do the assignment, I turned to my brothers' place for divine intervention.
Well, tried to figure out what was wrong with my computer. In the process of testing, my computer burnt my brother's graphics card.
Test result:
Graphics card functional
Hard disc mildly fucntional
Power supply packs a punch to kill ppl ( OK)
for those who don't know computer, cd-rom, dvd-rom or floppy disc have nothing much to do with the main system. So did not bother checking those.
Turns out that the problem lies with mother board or CPU. Conclusion, most probably mother board is overdue.
And so, my graphics card went to my brother as compensation. What was left of my com was left there as decoration. And I took a laptop back to use. Well, it belongs to my brother's gf. Technically, still my brother's because he bought it.. hm.. ah well. Brother buying another one soon for me so I use this one temporary.
Found out that lap tops are generally much more slower and retarded compared to desk top.
I tell you, the year of 2007 is the year of bad luck. The devils are coming to wreak havoc!!!! ROAR!!!!!!!
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Ranting of lonely person
I was told by many people, especially family members and relatives that I am a very independent person. A person who can take care of myself.
They said it as if it is a very good thing.
I should be happy, but why is there something in my heart tugging?
Since small, I think I am sort of left out. My brothers were closer in age, so they mingle better together. They play a lot of games together. On the other hand, I was the sickly one. That was one of the reason why parents doted on me more I guess, which makes it even worse. I was always in a fight with my brothers when I was small. I never knew where the passion for it came from. Well, I was mostly the one who suffer injuries. Hell, our fights even made mom so frustrated that she cried.
My two brothers went to primary school. There are 6 years in primary school. Well, as my brothers are closer in age, they spent more time together, going to school and coming back home. At that time there were 2 sessions, morning and afternoon. I seems to be on the wrong side of the session for the most of my primary school education.
I was a timid guy and very dependent in lower primary. Afraid of communicating with strangers. Low confidence in myself. I hated to go to primary school so much that I was having stress behaviour like stomatche pain when in school, even got a gastric attack once.
Got better after a while. I started to get used to life in primary school and got into quite a few fights with classmates. I remembered causing blue black on the face of one, and on the stomache of the other. All the people involved were taken to the office (obviously). Fortunately, we were let off easily because we were in the first class.
when I was primary 6, Mum started to work. Food was catered for lunch. At this time, I was in morning session, while my brothers were in the afternoon session and in the same class. So I basically spent the whole afternoon alone at home. Luckily there were afternoon tuition sessions in school for most of the time.
To be frank, I was a coward. However, it faded as I experience numerous thunderstorm where blackout occur. Haha.. there is no one to turn to for comfort. When such blackout occur, I would light a candle and cuddle my knees in one corner and waited.. and light another candle,.. and waited.. till thunderstorm was over or parents came back.
Maybe this is the reason why I had the dream where I was hit by lightning, which happen many times and becomes more vivid each time. I still remember it, hard not to when it haunts my rainy days. The location was front yard of my house.
The first time, it hit me when I was looking down, I see nothing much just feel numb all over.
Second time, I saw some light and then numb
.
.
.
The last and final time is me looking up into the sky as the lightning came down on me. I see the colour very clearly now, white with purple and some red, pretty.. Then I was laying down. Slowly losing conciousness...
This reminds me of another dream that I had. I was in a place where everything was crazy... Wanted to breath but cannot breath (wouldn't die though). People were all naked, in some sort of transparent tube being sent off to space. I can see people are crying, but the sound they made was of laughter. It is the feeling of doom but there is nothing anyone can do about it.
This is the dream that I always had when I take afternoon nap when I was small (small kid having afternoon nap is very normal). Thus, I try to keep awake even when I was very tire. I will not take a nap even when I was made to lay down on bed with mum patting me (this happen before primary school).
How I wish I can sleep then. However I know that I will keep having that dream. The worst part is that even when I woke up and sitting on sofa, I will still be in a daze, mentally replaying the dream over and over and over again. I was feeling so helpless, lonely, feeling that there is no one to turn to for help, that no one understands.
Secondary school.
I was so happy when I completed my primary school education. I wanted to go to the same school with my brothers and have fun.
Well, it seems that luck was not with me. It appears that the principle of my brothers' sec school rejected all application of chinese students. I have to go to another school which was about half an hour away by car while my brothers only need to take 5 minutes walk to school.
And so it began again. Me going to school while they come back. We don't meet during the day time because I had to leave earlier as my school is further. I tried to live with it. It got so bad that I loathe to go home. Especially after my brothers went to singapore to study and I was still in secondary school.
When I was form 5, I got my driving license. So I drove the old car to school alone. After school, I would frequently drive around in circles and drive slow, or stay at friend's place. I didn't want to go home because I know that there is no one at home, only the cold empty house.
JC
Stress in JC is impossible. I faced my biggest challenge. I started to like ice-cream. I could eat the whole tube myself, just digging the spoon into it again and again. I would take walk around the campus at night, wandering around just feeling the air blowing.
Finally, I broke down. on the night of concert, I did not go back to hostel together with other friends. I had to find a place to hid myself. I went to my brother's place to stay over. It was a saturday night.
On Sunday, parents came over to visit. I tried to talk so that I can get the stress out of me. I was scolded at when my father found such weakness in me. I sought comfort, and failed again.
I was basically like a zombie then, just trying to get back to my room in hall. I HAD to do something. something to take my mind off my problems. I did something crazy. That was when I SHAVED totally BALD!!
Friends and teachers asked me if I am alright. I just smiled. Could I seek comfort and understanding from them? I did not know. I lost confidence in that already.
So, I started to keep things to myself. All my problems have to be solved by myself. I became a habit. So much so that even when I got sick, got badly injured, I still am independent.
How can I forget the pain when I cleaned my wound on my eye brow, a result of imflammation from insect bite. there was basically a hole in the not so thick skin of my forehead.
How can I forget the night when I limped from SRC to the new hall 3. I didn't know how serious my injury was at that time. I was just thinking to myself that I must get myself beck to my room no matter what. After that? 2 weeks where I was unable to walk well. I even skipped 1 week class.
So I am independent. It is a good thing yes, but also lonely too.
I like to read story books, it kept my mind off reality.
I like to listen to radio, especially when dee jay is talking, it makes me less lonely.
I like to exercise, it helps to relieve stress.
I meditate to calm myself.
I still eat some ice-cream (though trying to decrease it, getting out of shape).
Sigh... for a better tomorrow.... tomorrow...
They said it as if it is a very good thing.
I should be happy, but why is there something in my heart tugging?
Since small, I think I am sort of left out. My brothers were closer in age, so they mingle better together. They play a lot of games together. On the other hand, I was the sickly one. That was one of the reason why parents doted on me more I guess, which makes it even worse. I was always in a fight with my brothers when I was small. I never knew where the passion for it came from. Well, I was mostly the one who suffer injuries. Hell, our fights even made mom so frustrated that she cried.
My two brothers went to primary school. There are 6 years in primary school. Well, as my brothers are closer in age, they spent more time together, going to school and coming back home. At that time there were 2 sessions, morning and afternoon. I seems to be on the wrong side of the session for the most of my primary school education.
I was a timid guy and very dependent in lower primary. Afraid of communicating with strangers. Low confidence in myself. I hated to go to primary school so much that I was having stress behaviour like stomatche pain when in school, even got a gastric attack once.
Got better after a while. I started to get used to life in primary school and got into quite a few fights with classmates. I remembered causing blue black on the face of one, and on the stomache of the other. All the people involved were taken to the office (obviously). Fortunately, we were let off easily because we were in the first class.
when I was primary 6, Mum started to work. Food was catered for lunch. At this time, I was in morning session, while my brothers were in the afternoon session and in the same class. So I basically spent the whole afternoon alone at home. Luckily there were afternoon tuition sessions in school for most of the time.
To be frank, I was a coward. However, it faded as I experience numerous thunderstorm where blackout occur. Haha.. there is no one to turn to for comfort. When such blackout occur, I would light a candle and cuddle my knees in one corner and waited.. and light another candle,.. and waited.. till thunderstorm was over or parents came back.
Maybe this is the reason why I had the dream where I was hit by lightning, which happen many times and becomes more vivid each time. I still remember it, hard not to when it haunts my rainy days. The location was front yard of my house.
The first time, it hit me when I was looking down, I see nothing much just feel numb all over.
Second time, I saw some light and then numb
.
.
.
The last and final time is me looking up into the sky as the lightning came down on me. I see the colour very clearly now, white with purple and some red, pretty.. Then I was laying down. Slowly losing conciousness...
This reminds me of another dream that I had. I was in a place where everything was crazy... Wanted to breath but cannot breath (wouldn't die though). People were all naked, in some sort of transparent tube being sent off to space. I can see people are crying, but the sound they made was of laughter. It is the feeling of doom but there is nothing anyone can do about it.
This is the dream that I always had when I take afternoon nap when I was small (small kid having afternoon nap is very normal). Thus, I try to keep awake even when I was very tire. I will not take a nap even when I was made to lay down on bed with mum patting me (this happen before primary school).
How I wish I can sleep then. However I know that I will keep having that dream. The worst part is that even when I woke up and sitting on sofa, I will still be in a daze, mentally replaying the dream over and over and over again. I was feeling so helpless, lonely, feeling that there is no one to turn to for help, that no one understands.
Secondary school.
I was so happy when I completed my primary school education. I wanted to go to the same school with my brothers and have fun.
Well, it seems that luck was not with me. It appears that the principle of my brothers' sec school rejected all application of chinese students. I have to go to another school which was about half an hour away by car while my brothers only need to take 5 minutes walk to school.
And so it began again. Me going to school while they come back. We don't meet during the day time because I had to leave earlier as my school is further. I tried to live with it. It got so bad that I loathe to go home. Especially after my brothers went to singapore to study and I was still in secondary school.
When I was form 5, I got my driving license. So I drove the old car to school alone. After school, I would frequently drive around in circles and drive slow, or stay at friend's place. I didn't want to go home because I know that there is no one at home, only the cold empty house.
JC
Stress in JC is impossible. I faced my biggest challenge. I started to like ice-cream. I could eat the whole tube myself, just digging the spoon into it again and again. I would take walk around the campus at night, wandering around just feeling the air blowing.
Finally, I broke down. on the night of concert, I did not go back to hostel together with other friends. I had to find a place to hid myself. I went to my brother's place to stay over. It was a saturday night.
On Sunday, parents came over to visit. I tried to talk so that I can get the stress out of me. I was scolded at when my father found such weakness in me. I sought comfort, and failed again.
I was basically like a zombie then, just trying to get back to my room in hall. I HAD to do something. something to take my mind off my problems. I did something crazy. That was when I SHAVED totally BALD!!
Friends and teachers asked me if I am alright. I just smiled. Could I seek comfort and understanding from them? I did not know. I lost confidence in that already.
So, I started to keep things to myself. All my problems have to be solved by myself. I became a habit. So much so that even when I got sick, got badly injured, I still am independent.
How can I forget the pain when I cleaned my wound on my eye brow, a result of imflammation from insect bite. there was basically a hole in the not so thick skin of my forehead.
How can I forget the night when I limped from SRC to the new hall 3. I didn't know how serious my injury was at that time. I was just thinking to myself that I must get myself beck to my room no matter what. After that? 2 weeks where I was unable to walk well. I even skipped 1 week class.
So I am independent. It is a good thing yes, but also lonely too.
I like to read story books, it kept my mind off reality.
I like to listen to radio, especially when dee jay is talking, it makes me less lonely.
I like to exercise, it helps to relieve stress.
I meditate to calm myself.
I still eat some ice-cream (though trying to decrease it, getting out of shape).
Sigh... for a better tomorrow.... tomorrow...
Saturday, January 06, 2007
ideal life
I had a most wonderful moment today..
It was in the afternoon,
The sun was bright but not hot
The air was slightly cool
The sky was bright blue
The wind was blowing gently
And I was just lazing on the leather sofa
Staring out at the sky
With the wind gently caressing my face
Oh, how the memory lingers....
It was in the afternoon,
The sun was bright but not hot
The air was slightly cool
The sky was bright blue
The wind was blowing gently
And I was just lazing on the leather sofa
Staring out at the sky
With the wind gently caressing my face
Oh, how the memory lingers....
Friday, January 05, 2007
Monday, January 01, 2007
Singaporeans
Here are some of the things that they tell you about Singaporeans.
1. Singaporeans are very well mannered.
If so, why the hell they have courtesy campaign, why do I see Singapore car drive on road shoulder and try to cut lane in front of me (which of course he failed, thanks to my superb driving skill and the car full of people. Well, they are still afraid when in Malaysia)
And need I mention the frequent occurances of ill-mannered behavior at public transport? The throng of Kiasu ppl who don even want to let passengers get of mrt. What is saddening is that some parents are doing it with their children. Make a guess. What would be future generation like?
And the seemingly very tire ppl in mrt that seldom have the heart to give up their seat to ppl in need. It is even more maddening when it involves strong, healthy ppl, aka teenagers.
2. Singapore is a very clean country.
I have on many occasions, witnessed people from all walks of life (race, age, etc), being very creative by making a rubbish bin of everything, be it pavement, grass, sand, drainage, public transport.........
There is once I was behind 2 malay boy. My guess is they are in primary school. They were very happy, chatting away, laughing... All these seems fine, until one of them start to tear apart the set of newspaper he is holding, and slowly throw bits and pieces of them as he walk.
Just to be fair, race is not determining factor. I just saw a chinese opening up wrappers of sth that he bought, while walking towards bus stop. He did not even bother to throw them into dustbins which are situated at the bus stop.
Maybe they just hates the pavement, some old grudge when they were small, where they fall down on the pavement.. haha...
Well, there are many more out there who are not like that, fortunately. But It seems that more and more people are becoming more selfish. Many things in Singapore are also taken for granted.
The cleanliness that was the pride of Singapore, is the hardwork of legions of foreign workers, who cleaned the place, not to make it clean, but so that it don't look too dirty. Yes, the littering is that bad.. sigh...
The chance to learn Chinese is not given its deserved appreciation. I remembered that my secondary school in Johore actually discouraged Chinese to take Chinese language paper. We had to attend classes outside school hours and our Chinese language teacher keeps changing. We even have to source for our own teacher.
Ah well, I suddenly wanted to write all these after reading Heah's blog. haha.. He is so hardworking in updating his blog.
1. Singaporeans are very well mannered.
If so, why the hell they have courtesy campaign, why do I see Singapore car drive on road shoulder and try to cut lane in front of me (which of course he failed, thanks to my superb driving skill and the car full of people. Well, they are still afraid when in Malaysia)
And need I mention the frequent occurances of ill-mannered behavior at public transport? The throng of Kiasu ppl who don even want to let passengers get of mrt. What is saddening is that some parents are doing it with their children. Make a guess. What would be future generation like?
And the seemingly very tire ppl in mrt that seldom have the heart to give up their seat to ppl in need. It is even more maddening when it involves strong, healthy ppl, aka teenagers.
2. Singapore is a very clean country.
I have on many occasions, witnessed people from all walks of life (race, age, etc), being very creative by making a rubbish bin of everything, be it pavement, grass, sand, drainage, public transport.........
There is once I was behind 2 malay boy. My guess is they are in primary school. They were very happy, chatting away, laughing... All these seems fine, until one of them start to tear apart the set of newspaper he is holding, and slowly throw bits and pieces of them as he walk.
Just to be fair, race is not determining factor. I just saw a chinese opening up wrappers of sth that he bought, while walking towards bus stop. He did not even bother to throw them into dustbins which are situated at the bus stop.
Maybe they just hates the pavement, some old grudge when they were small, where they fall down on the pavement.. haha...
Well, there are many more out there who are not like that, fortunately. But It seems that more and more people are becoming more selfish. Many things in Singapore are also taken for granted.
The cleanliness that was the pride of Singapore, is the hardwork of legions of foreign workers, who cleaned the place, not to make it clean, but so that it don't look too dirty. Yes, the littering is that bad.. sigh...
The chance to learn Chinese is not given its deserved appreciation. I remembered that my secondary school in Johore actually discouraged Chinese to take Chinese language paper. We had to attend classes outside school hours and our Chinese language teacher keeps changing. We even have to source for our own teacher.
Ah well, I suddenly wanted to write all these after reading Heah's blog. haha.. He is so hardworking in updating his blog.
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