I have been a bad boy. yesh.. bad.... telling lies like it is true.
prof ask:" tell me something interesting about you so I can remember you by"
Answer:" I live alone" while it should be " I am half deaf"
Prof:" what is the worst thing about staying alone"
Answer:" Communication skills reduced" while it should be "don't dare to sleep when having high fever"
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
FAILURE! FAILURE!FAILURE!!!!!!!
Once again, my attempt to socialise has been dealt with a blow. One that would devastate me if it happened few years ago. Now I don feel much, just that the desire to socialise has been reduced again.
It will never work. I will never be able to socialise with people no matter how I try. Some of my most frequent reply are "har?", "huh?", "sorry?" or just a stupid looking smile. My most frequent action will be not talking and pretending to be listening. I thought that if friends know about my disability (I used to deny this, but wth), at least they will be more considerate. Well, it doesn't help that when I replied with a "har?", one of them said to me and in front of 7 other ppl "oh I'm sorry, I forgot you are deaf". I was stunned and at least another of my friend was also stunned by that "apology". It is like rubbing salt into the wound, like taking a cracked vase and smash it on the floor.
What else can I do? I say F it. Why the hell do I want to keep courting embarrassment and humiliation. I'm tired of it. Just let me be alone...
It will never work. I will never be able to socialise with people no matter how I try. Some of my most frequent reply are "har?", "huh?", "sorry?" or just a stupid looking smile. My most frequent action will be not talking and pretending to be listening. I thought that if friends know about my disability (I used to deny this, but wth), at least they will be more considerate. Well, it doesn't help that when I replied with a "har?", one of them said to me and in front of 7 other ppl "oh I'm sorry, I forgot you are deaf". I was stunned and at least another of my friend was also stunned by that "apology". It is like rubbing salt into the wound, like taking a cracked vase and smash it on the floor.
What else can I do? I say F it. Why the hell do I want to keep courting embarrassment and humiliation. I'm tired of it. Just let me be alone...
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Emotionless
Someone says they find it weird that I do not seem to be nervous of worried about getting a job when everyone else are scurrying to secure a place in the work force. I was puzzled and wonder why I should be worried. Come to think of it, I am quite indifferent to a lot of things.
I don't cry on funerals, I don't laugh heartily at jokes, I am not bothered much by many things. Why did it become like this? I guess I am just afraid of getting hurt. My heart has been broken before for various reasons. I supposed I set up a self protective barrier to enable my survival.
In my family, I was always the one who was more emotional, sensitive until I came to this country. People change. Oh yes. I changed. I nearly went nuts at one point of time. I guess I took some measures after that. Hopefully, I will reduce the chances of being hurt. Hopefully.....
I don't cry on funerals, I don't laugh heartily at jokes, I am not bothered much by many things. Why did it become like this? I guess I am just afraid of getting hurt. My heart has been broken before for various reasons. I supposed I set up a self protective barrier to enable my survival.
In my family, I was always the one who was more emotional, sensitive until I came to this country. People change. Oh yes. I changed. I nearly went nuts at one point of time. I guess I took some measures after that. Hopefully, I will reduce the chances of being hurt. Hopefully.....
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