Me, my brothers, and friends totalling six person in number went out for dinner on a fine Sunday night. We plan to enjoy ourself after having good fun for the weekend.
So we went to this shopping mall near our place and wanted to have some chinese food. Unfortunately, the queue to get a table is quite long (maybe 45 minutes wait). So we went and look around other makan (eating) places in the mall. We found out that Japanese food have s shorter queue so we decided to have jap food instead. (as it turn out in the end, the short queue is a sign)
We got a table in no time and wanted to order. This is where service standards or rather service substandard showed. For 6 people, only one menu is given and the computer ordering system is not in use (according to the waitress). Well, we thought nothing of it and requested for more menu and we got 4 menu in the end (4 for 6... oh well, we can make do with it).
And the wait for the food starts with me being one of the first to get my food (which seems pitiful compared to the picture, but it is quite normal elsewhere. By no means do I think that it is the alright). Those of us that got our food starting eating ( I know it is polite to wait for all to get food first but we were hungry. It turned out that it is wise to start first).
And we ate and talked and laughed, except for 2 people who ordered the same item. When the rest of us are about to finish, one of their food came (notice that there is only one). At that time, we were still quite cool about it. But after like 15 minutes, our patience ran out. We asked the waitress to check on the food and told her that most of us have already finish our food while the other guy who ordered the same item got his 15 minutes ago. There was no smile, no apology or explaination. Only a sour face that tell us to wait for 30 minutes. How is it possible that two person ordered same item, and one of the item have to arrive 30 minutes later????
If you think that got me mad, you'll be terribly wrong.
After our meal, we went to queue up to pay (yes, unlike in other countries where the waitress or waiter come to you to collect payment, we have to queue up to pay the food). I noticed that a waitress and a manager of the branch (wearing coat, should be manager) are arguing while holding a bill of a customer who was queuing to pay. Well then, misunderstanding occurs sometimes right? So I did not think too much about it.
After some time, it is our turn to pay the bill. So we waited for the items to be keyed in. Surprisingly, 13 items were charged to us which does not make sense. There were 6 of us, so it is normal to assume that there will be at least 6 drinks and at most 6 main meals (side meals aside, which in this case, we did not order any). When the waitress checked our order list before we queue up to pay, we specifically confirmed with her that the order list stated 6 meals. Don't ask me why we didn't check the list. I did not have a chance to look at it and am in no place to put the blame on my brother's going to be wife (signing tomorrow). In the end, we managed to convinced the manager (another one, also waering coat) that one of the item listed was not ordered and not consumed. The bill was paid and we parted ways with the 2 friends.
Did I mentioned that the section that we sat was very stuffy? If not, it is. Whether they are trying to save on air conditioning or it is spoilt, I don't know and I don't care. At this point of time, I am angry at the lousy service and the food. I told myself and them that we should stop coming to this place to eat, ever.
(oh yes, the food. I am not picky or not used to japanese food. It is just the place there has food that leaves much room for improvement. Why did we go there? The queue at the other place was too long. Morever, there is no really nice food near my area.)
Sounds like the end of story? That is not all.
So we walked back home. When we were walking across a turn into carpark, we were nearly rammed down by a motorcycle. A food delivery motorcycle that turned into the lane where it is an exit (meaning in the wrong direction). Of course there is the sour face of the motorcyclist. Guess what food it delivers? BINGO!!!! Sakae Sushi AGAIN!!!!!
I am not trying to pick on Sakae, but all this in a short period of less than 1 hour. Is too much for even a calm person to bear. I say I'll ban all Sakae Sushi from my future makan places.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Monday, September 01, 2008
First Day of Work
Today is the day where my life will be different. The day that I start to have minimal contact with the sun. However, today appeared to be relatively mundane and boring day. I suppose first day of work are not always happening.
There was the blunder and delay because the admin officer in charge of me was on MC. After that, I was introduced to the parent company, the company, the department and the division in about 5 hours with lunch break in between. It was a true test of patience as it is a one on one briefing and I have to refrain from making unneccessary movements. This resulted in me having stiff arms, legs and waist (from the leaning over to peer at lap top)
Well, there seems to be some clue on politics in the company but I am in good terms with my supervisor so I shall ignore the politics for now.
Nothing much to say about an uneventful and tiring day. Afterall, I am not used to working life yet.
Early night tonight.
There was the blunder and delay because the admin officer in charge of me was on MC. After that, I was introduced to the parent company, the company, the department and the division in about 5 hours with lunch break in between. It was a true test of patience as it is a one on one briefing and I have to refrain from making unneccessary movements. This resulted in me having stiff arms, legs and waist (from the leaning over to peer at lap top)
Well, there seems to be some clue on politics in the company but I am in good terms with my supervisor so I shall ignore the politics for now.
Nothing much to say about an uneventful and tiring day. Afterall, I am not used to working life yet.
Early night tonight.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Start of new phase in life
Finally, I am going to start work.
After searching futilely for 3 months, I manage to secure a job in the worsening market condition.
Never mind that some of my classmates may blame me for robbing the job away from them. Singapore is a competitive place. Everyone is competing.
Hopefully this job will be a catalyst for something bigger in the future.
Hopefully the property market will wait until I have enough savings before collapsing.
Hopefully I can meet a suitable life partner.. :) :P
After searching futilely for 3 months, I manage to secure a job in the worsening market condition.
Never mind that some of my classmates may blame me for robbing the job away from them. Singapore is a competitive place. Everyone is competing.
Hopefully this job will be a catalyst for something bigger in the future.
Hopefully the property market will wait until I have enough savings before collapsing.
Hopefully I can meet a suitable life partner.. :) :P
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
group of jobless people decreasing, with me still in it.
I would be lying if I say that I do not mind that my friends are getting job offers when I am not. I wanted a job, quite very badly but am not about to sacrifice myself for just any job.
However, my mind keeps having doubts every single time that I have to withdraw money from the bank. and I am increasingly withdrawing at a lesser amount now. I am also consciously limiting my spending, not able to part with money to eat better food.
Will my break finally come? if so, when? Will I be able to make it? others seems to have an easy time landing a job. When I struggle to secure even an interview. I used to be a very confident person but in university, my confidence has taken a severe beating. How will I be able to build up my confidence again? I wonder.
How am I going to mould my future? Which path should I take and where will each of the path leads me to? I have chosen one path to follow without knowing if I may succeed if it ever leads to success. I just hope that somewhere, somehow, I will find it.
However, my mind keeps having doubts every single time that I have to withdraw money from the bank. and I am increasingly withdrawing at a lesser amount now. I am also consciously limiting my spending, not able to part with money to eat better food.
Will my break finally come? if so, when? Will I be able to make it? others seems to have an easy time landing a job. When I struggle to secure even an interview. I used to be a very confident person but in university, my confidence has taken a severe beating. How will I be able to build up my confidence again? I wonder.
How am I going to mould my future? Which path should I take and where will each of the path leads me to? I have chosen one path to follow without knowing if I may succeed if it ever leads to success. I just hope that somewhere, somehow, I will find it.
Friday, June 27, 2008
LOUSY HDB EXPERIENCE... SINGAPOREANS!!!!!
I have had enough of it. Hdb flats in Singapore sucks. By that I do not mean the building or hdb unit is not good (HDB has earned world wide recognition for their home building efforts). What I have an issue with is the neighbours.
I have always heard about Singaporeans being complain king and queen but never really believed it until now. Why do I say they are Singaporeans? because they are easily over 60 years of age and the chances of them being PR is quite low.
Wouldn't it be understandable for people who just moved into a unit, to make some noise moving stuff, arranging furniture, fixing furniture? And in the modern day live, everyone will be working in the day so that only leaves the night free. (of course there is the weekend, but doing it over a period of weekends is just so weird). So anyway, the incident goes like this.
There is this big cupboard that needs to be set up. There are some parts that needs hammering and I did it during the day. At night, me and my brothers put the cupboard together (I cannot do it alone as it is heavy and bulky). While we were fixing the cupboard, we noticed that we left out a section that needs hammering so I proceed to fix it (the time was 9.30pm). Well, what else can we do? half way into fixing the cupboard, rationale will be to complete it rather then dismantle everything and wait for weekend. It was just three nails and took like 10 minutes. But that brought one of our neighbours to our door, asking us to stop. Even threatening to call police bla bla bla...... I so wanted to blast him for that as I was sweaty, tired, and irritated by him. But I wanted to complete the cupboard so I just apologize and close the door on him. (By the way, police will not even give a !@#% about his complaint at that time and when noise is for short period). This is the first incident and I do not feel so bad about it and keep telling myself that only minority is not understanding.
Then today another complaint came while I was happily eating my lunch feeling wonderful for the day. This time the next door neighbour came and ask me to remove the plants on the COMMON corridor, claiming that the corridor is his. The plants are not in anyway obstructive to the passage. Even if it is, the unit I stayed in is the corner unit and only me and my brothers use the corridor. The next thing, he threatened to make report to NEA or HDB if I do not remove it. His reason is that the plants will draw mosquitoes. Obviously he know nothing about plants. If he does, he will know that there is no way those plants can breed mosquitoes because 1. There is no plant tray at the bottom so there will not be collection of water. 2. plants are place at drainage area so all excess water will flow out instantly.
FRIENDLY Neighbours? YEAH RIGHT!!! that is the joke of the century. I cannot understand why they are so rude. The biggest issue I have is that they do not just talk nicely and give reasons. They use threat. Worse still, they use threat thinking that I know nothing about how things are done in Singapore.
Complain about noise at 9.30pm??
Report about plants that breed mosquitoes when there are no stagnant water????
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To Hell with them@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have always heard about Singaporeans being complain king and queen but never really believed it until now. Why do I say they are Singaporeans? because they are easily over 60 years of age and the chances of them being PR is quite low.
Wouldn't it be understandable for people who just moved into a unit, to make some noise moving stuff, arranging furniture, fixing furniture? And in the modern day live, everyone will be working in the day so that only leaves the night free. (of course there is the weekend, but doing it over a period of weekends is just so weird). So anyway, the incident goes like this.
There is this big cupboard that needs to be set up. There are some parts that needs hammering and I did it during the day. At night, me and my brothers put the cupboard together (I cannot do it alone as it is heavy and bulky). While we were fixing the cupboard, we noticed that we left out a section that needs hammering so I proceed to fix it (the time was 9.30pm). Well, what else can we do? half way into fixing the cupboard, rationale will be to complete it rather then dismantle everything and wait for weekend. It was just three nails and took like 10 minutes. But that brought one of our neighbours to our door, asking us to stop. Even threatening to call police bla bla bla...... I so wanted to blast him for that as I was sweaty, tired, and irritated by him. But I wanted to complete the cupboard so I just apologize and close the door on him. (By the way, police will not even give a !@#% about his complaint at that time and when noise is for short period). This is the first incident and I do not feel so bad about it and keep telling myself that only minority is not understanding.
Then today another complaint came while I was happily eating my lunch feeling wonderful for the day. This time the next door neighbour came and ask me to remove the plants on the COMMON corridor, claiming that the corridor is his. The plants are not in anyway obstructive to the passage. Even if it is, the unit I stayed in is the corner unit and only me and my brothers use the corridor. The next thing, he threatened to make report to NEA or HDB if I do not remove it. His reason is that the plants will draw mosquitoes. Obviously he know nothing about plants. If he does, he will know that there is no way those plants can breed mosquitoes because 1. There is no plant tray at the bottom so there will not be collection of water. 2. plants are place at drainage area so all excess water will flow out instantly.
FRIENDLY Neighbours? YEAH RIGHT!!! that is the joke of the century. I cannot understand why they are so rude. The biggest issue I have is that they do not just talk nicely and give reasons. They use threat. Worse still, they use threat thinking that I know nothing about how things are done in Singapore.
Complain about noise at 9.30pm??
Report about plants that breed mosquitoes when there are no stagnant water????
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To Hell with them@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Lucky? Unlucky?
Maybe luck has been with me for far too long and decided to take a well deserved break. It is all fine except that luck took a break when I am at a major phase of my life, the transition from studying to working.
Unfortunately, I graduate into a period of financial uncertainties. Companies are holding back employment because of such uncertainties. So I am stuck with no job and dwindling savings. If this continues, I may not be able to survive past august. Seems like a long time to go. But US seems to be heading into long depression comparable to Japan, so they say. While China has a host of its own problem to handle. Singapore does not seem to have a strong fence to lean on and grow. Even if it does, majority of financial companies are European or US companies and will be affected by the economy in their own region.
My future does not look too good now. I just hope I can get a job to tide this through.
Unfortunately, I graduate into a period of financial uncertainties. Companies are holding back employment because of such uncertainties. So I am stuck with no job and dwindling savings. If this continues, I may not be able to survive past august. Seems like a long time to go. But US seems to be heading into long depression comparable to Japan, so they say. While China has a host of its own problem to handle. Singapore does not seem to have a strong fence to lean on and grow. Even if it does, majority of financial companies are European or US companies and will be affected by the economy in their own region.
My future does not look too good now. I just hope I can get a job to tide this through.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Desperate Situation
Triple desperate. And no. I am not talking about desperation for opposite sex. I am desperate for money, for job, for a decent place to stay at reasonable price.
All of them seems to be making a good job of being invisible to me now. I am starting to feel the pinch of rising prices after much talk from other people.
The rental prices of HDB units in Singapore is really unaffordable. 3 working professionals in singapore (excluding me since I do not have a job yet), have been trying unsuccessfully to search for low cost hdb to stay in and cannot afford middle class hdb. This is outrageous since their pay is at worst average. If average wage worker have to find a place to stay in low cost hdb, I wonder where those who lives in low cost hdb should go. The most impossible thing is that low cost hdb prices are edging closer to middle class hdb. High end hdb on the other hand edging closer to condo prices.
Add to that is the existence of numerous desperate people seeking to rent a place. One viewing of a unit for rental easily draws more than 5 groups of people. The worst thing is that the condition is not acceptable with most noticeable defect in the toilet. And the same unit was posted for rental again after the viewing without any decrease in price. and there are more and more units up for rental for shorter period. Many people are taking the chance to go out station for holiday funded by the high rental income?
The poor working class have to suffer. Running around like clueless strays hoping for a affordable place to stay. While at the same time, prices of everything is rising making people poorer with same income. I suppose it is a global phenomena. I just wonder when, if ever, people will get a reprieve from this.
All of them seems to be making a good job of being invisible to me now. I am starting to feel the pinch of rising prices after much talk from other people.
The rental prices of HDB units in Singapore is really unaffordable. 3 working professionals in singapore (excluding me since I do not have a job yet), have been trying unsuccessfully to search for low cost hdb to stay in and cannot afford middle class hdb. This is outrageous since their pay is at worst average. If average wage worker have to find a place to stay in low cost hdb, I wonder where those who lives in low cost hdb should go. The most impossible thing is that low cost hdb prices are edging closer to middle class hdb. High end hdb on the other hand edging closer to condo prices.
Add to that is the existence of numerous desperate people seeking to rent a place. One viewing of a unit for rental easily draws more than 5 groups of people. The worst thing is that the condition is not acceptable with most noticeable defect in the toilet. And the same unit was posted for rental again after the viewing without any decrease in price. and there are more and more units up for rental for shorter period. Many people are taking the chance to go out station for holiday funded by the high rental income?
The poor working class have to suffer. Running around like clueless strays hoping for a affordable place to stay. While at the same time, prices of everything is rising making people poorer with same income. I suppose it is a global phenomena. I just wonder when, if ever, people will get a reprieve from this.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Daring Attempt
Tomorrow, I will take a bet of my fortunes and luck.
Tomorrow will be the day that may make me successful or create losses for me
Tomorrow will be the day that I try something when others do not think I will be able to do it
It is a calculated risk.
The thing that I am going to do.
I do not know if I will succeed.
But I do know that if I do not dare to attempt, I will never succeed.
May my luck prevails...
Tomorrow will be the day that may make me successful or create losses for me
Tomorrow will be the day that I try something when others do not think I will be able to do it
It is a calculated risk.
The thing that I am going to do.
I do not know if I will succeed.
But I do know that if I do not dare to attempt, I will never succeed.
May my luck prevails...
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Aloha Loyang Resort
Date: Monday 5th May 2008
It is the Actuarial Science Gathering. Our very resourceful entertainment rep managed to find a bungalow of Aloha Loyang at Pasir Ris for a mere 70++ dollars. It is such a fabulous deal. The bungalow consist of 4 air-conditioned room with attached bathroom ( the size of normal hotel room), a huge common area for interaction, fully furnished kitchen (microwave, stove, fridge, freezer, cooking, eating and drinking items), another toilet near the kitchen, and two BBQ pit.
Once we were inside the bungalow (after waiting for ages at the front of the bungalow for keys. I suggested climbing into the not so high walls but the suggestion was shot down.), all the girls got to work preparing food, cleaning utensils, while the guys on the other hand took to setting up a gambling station and enjoying themselves. Of course, being such a poor person myself, I couldn't afford to gamble so I joined the girls (this the official reason, what is the unofficial? lol)
Nearing the evening, the girls took the task of setting up steam boat while I was starting the fire in the BBQ pit. Then all of a sudden, the guys surged towards the pit and start to compare their skills of setting up a fire. Being a non-confrontational person, I let them take over the task ( again, this the official one. Actually I was just plain lazy. If there are people so willing to do the job, I am more than willing to let them do it...wahahaha )
Needless to say the very same guys did the BBQ for everyone except for me. Not that they wanna revenge, just that I have a weak stomach recently and decided that I wanna treasure my life. I was waiting for the steam boat with a cup of hot water in my hands ( I was called the a pek for drinking hot water.......). Unfortunately, the group of people were apparently very hungry and almost fought for a seat at the steam boat table. Feeling lazy to fight for a place, I decided to wait it out, knowing that there will always be more food then needed.
After what seems like ages and false promise of seats ( apparently some guy took my seat when I was washing dishes while waiting for food to cook), I got my steam boat. To be frank, I never like steam boat nor BBQ. Steam boat being too plain in taste and BBQ is oily, heaty, smelly, sweaty. Anyway, I took some of the steam boat to last me for the night.
What happen after the food was well, more food and gambling, and chatting. I found that I couldn't fit into anything. My stomach just recovered from major incident so not so much food. I don't gamble and the chatting topic was about girl friend and boy friend which I have no experience in (well, bad experience actually). Throughout the time, I realised that the night sky is so beautiful and night wind is so cooling.
Just past midnight, I retreated back to room for well-needed rest. The others didn't plan to sleep. Such a waste of nice, beautiful and cooling bedroom. Halfway through my sleep, I was awaken by the sound of a guy trying to breath through blocked nose. Apparently he was feeling cold. I took a look at him and found out that he is not wearing shirt...... Maybe he was trying to prove the point that he is strong ( and failing miserably. Did I mention that he is the only one that is topless all the time? Well, perhaps he is trying to show off his hard trained muscles. Not that much bigger than mine. hpmh... :P)
I woke up in the morning, took a bath and went to common area. Lifeless eyes greeted me. Except for some very few ppl who slept, I saw zombies everywhere. Anyway, we checked out and travelled from one end of singapore back to the other end for well needed rest.
It is the Actuarial Science Gathering. Our very resourceful entertainment rep managed to find a bungalow of Aloha Loyang at Pasir Ris for a mere 70++ dollars. It is such a fabulous deal. The bungalow consist of 4 air-conditioned room with attached bathroom ( the size of normal hotel room), a huge common area for interaction, fully furnished kitchen (microwave, stove, fridge, freezer, cooking, eating and drinking items), another toilet near the kitchen, and two BBQ pit.
Once we were inside the bungalow (after waiting for ages at the front of the bungalow for keys. I suggested climbing into the not so high walls but the suggestion was shot down.), all the girls got to work preparing food, cleaning utensils, while the guys on the other hand took to setting up a gambling station and enjoying themselves. Of course, being such a poor person myself, I couldn't afford to gamble so I joined the girls (this the official reason, what is the unofficial? lol)
Nearing the evening, the girls took the task of setting up steam boat while I was starting the fire in the BBQ pit. Then all of a sudden, the guys surged towards the pit and start to compare their skills of setting up a fire. Being a non-confrontational person, I let them take over the task ( again, this the official one. Actually I was just plain lazy. If there are people so willing to do the job, I am more than willing to let them do it...wahahaha )
Needless to say the very same guys did the BBQ for everyone except for me. Not that they wanna revenge, just that I have a weak stomach recently and decided that I wanna treasure my life. I was waiting for the steam boat with a cup of hot water in my hands ( I was called the a pek for drinking hot water.......). Unfortunately, the group of people were apparently very hungry and almost fought for a seat at the steam boat table. Feeling lazy to fight for a place, I decided to wait it out, knowing that there will always be more food then needed.
After what seems like ages and false promise of seats ( apparently some guy took my seat when I was washing dishes while waiting for food to cook), I got my steam boat. To be frank, I never like steam boat nor BBQ. Steam boat being too plain in taste and BBQ is oily, heaty, smelly, sweaty. Anyway, I took some of the steam boat to last me for the night.
What happen after the food was well, more food and gambling, and chatting. I found that I couldn't fit into anything. My stomach just recovered from major incident so not so much food. I don't gamble and the chatting topic was about girl friend and boy friend which I have no experience in (well, bad experience actually). Throughout the time, I realised that the night sky is so beautiful and night wind is so cooling.
Just past midnight, I retreated back to room for well-needed rest. The others didn't plan to sleep. Such a waste of nice, beautiful and cooling bedroom. Halfway through my sleep, I was awaken by the sound of a guy trying to breath through blocked nose. Apparently he was feeling cold. I took a look at him and found out that he is not wearing shirt...... Maybe he was trying to prove the point that he is strong ( and failing miserably. Did I mention that he is the only one that is topless all the time? Well, perhaps he is trying to show off his hard trained muscles. Not that much bigger than mine. hpmh... :P)
I woke up in the morning, took a bath and went to common area. Lifeless eyes greeted me. Except for some very few ppl who slept, I saw zombies everywhere. Anyway, we checked out and travelled from one end of singapore back to the other end for well needed rest.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Loneliness and abandonment is seeping into my heart
They say some dreams happen because of a deep inner thought. That is why some people will have nightmare after watching horror movies. I had a dream....
Me and my family were on a trip and I was very excited about it. We set off from home at 3am to board a ship. Well, I always have this fascination about being on sea and able to feel the waves, thus I was really enjoying my boat trip.
At day break, we reached a harbour and got off the ship. Then we boarded a bus which took us to a restaurant for meal. There are two floors and it looked like a traditional building all made of wood. I was eating at the first floor. After a while, I decided to go to second floor and saw my brother there. Of course there are more food and so I indulged myself in the food. After a while, I notice that the place is surprisingly quiet so I looked up and found out that everyone left. I looked around and notice a few bags that belongs to my family and I picked them up.
I went downstairs, hoping that there is someone from the bus. To my dismay, it appears that I am the only one left. I looked at the bags and I keep thinking to myself that my family will come back for me because of the bags. They will notice that the bags are missing. (Funny that I didn't think that they will notice my disappearance). I just stood there waiting while other locals around me glanced at my curiously. I waited and waited while my disappointment and feeling of loneliness and abandonment grew.
Then I woke up, still deeply affected by the feelings in my dream. Maybe that is what I am, a product of loneliness and abandonment. An outcast, a lone soul. but I will survive it... I should.. since I have long took away a huge part of my emotions.... survival........
Me and my family were on a trip and I was very excited about it. We set off from home at 3am to board a ship. Well, I always have this fascination about being on sea and able to feel the waves, thus I was really enjoying my boat trip.
At day break, we reached a harbour and got off the ship. Then we boarded a bus which took us to a restaurant for meal. There are two floors and it looked like a traditional building all made of wood. I was eating at the first floor. After a while, I decided to go to second floor and saw my brother there. Of course there are more food and so I indulged myself in the food. After a while, I notice that the place is surprisingly quiet so I looked up and found out that everyone left. I looked around and notice a few bags that belongs to my family and I picked them up.
I went downstairs, hoping that there is someone from the bus. To my dismay, it appears that I am the only one left. I looked at the bags and I keep thinking to myself that my family will come back for me because of the bags. They will notice that the bags are missing. (Funny that I didn't think that they will notice my disappearance). I just stood there waiting while other locals around me glanced at my curiously. I waited and waited while my disappointment and feeling of loneliness and abandonment grew.
Then I woke up, still deeply affected by the feelings in my dream. Maybe that is what I am, a product of loneliness and abandonment. An outcast, a lone soul. but I will survive it... I should.. since I have long took away a huge part of my emotions.... survival........
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Lies and Untruth
I have been a bad boy. yesh.. bad.... telling lies like it is true.
prof ask:" tell me something interesting about you so I can remember you by"
Answer:" I live alone" while it should be " I am half deaf"
Prof:" what is the worst thing about staying alone"
Answer:" Communication skills reduced" while it should be "don't dare to sleep when having high fever"
prof ask:" tell me something interesting about you so I can remember you by"
Answer:" I live alone" while it should be " I am half deaf"
Prof:" what is the worst thing about staying alone"
Answer:" Communication skills reduced" while it should be "don't dare to sleep when having high fever"
Saturday, January 12, 2008
FAILURE! FAILURE!FAILURE!!!!!!!
Once again, my attempt to socialise has been dealt with a blow. One that would devastate me if it happened few years ago. Now I don feel much, just that the desire to socialise has been reduced again.
It will never work. I will never be able to socialise with people no matter how I try. Some of my most frequent reply are "har?", "huh?", "sorry?" or just a stupid looking smile. My most frequent action will be not talking and pretending to be listening. I thought that if friends know about my disability (I used to deny this, but wth), at least they will be more considerate. Well, it doesn't help that when I replied with a "har?", one of them said to me and in front of 7 other ppl "oh I'm sorry, I forgot you are deaf". I was stunned and at least another of my friend was also stunned by that "apology". It is like rubbing salt into the wound, like taking a cracked vase and smash it on the floor.
What else can I do? I say F it. Why the hell do I want to keep courting embarrassment and humiliation. I'm tired of it. Just let me be alone...
It will never work. I will never be able to socialise with people no matter how I try. Some of my most frequent reply are "har?", "huh?", "sorry?" or just a stupid looking smile. My most frequent action will be not talking and pretending to be listening. I thought that if friends know about my disability (I used to deny this, but wth), at least they will be more considerate. Well, it doesn't help that when I replied with a "har?", one of them said to me and in front of 7 other ppl "oh I'm sorry, I forgot you are deaf". I was stunned and at least another of my friend was also stunned by that "apology". It is like rubbing salt into the wound, like taking a cracked vase and smash it on the floor.
What else can I do? I say F it. Why the hell do I want to keep courting embarrassment and humiliation. I'm tired of it. Just let me be alone...
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Emotionless
Someone says they find it weird that I do not seem to be nervous of worried about getting a job when everyone else are scurrying to secure a place in the work force. I was puzzled and wonder why I should be worried. Come to think of it, I am quite indifferent to a lot of things.
I don't cry on funerals, I don't laugh heartily at jokes, I am not bothered much by many things. Why did it become like this? I guess I am just afraid of getting hurt. My heart has been broken before for various reasons. I supposed I set up a self protective barrier to enable my survival.
In my family, I was always the one who was more emotional, sensitive until I came to this country. People change. Oh yes. I changed. I nearly went nuts at one point of time. I guess I took some measures after that. Hopefully, I will reduce the chances of being hurt. Hopefully.....
I don't cry on funerals, I don't laugh heartily at jokes, I am not bothered much by many things. Why did it become like this? I guess I am just afraid of getting hurt. My heart has been broken before for various reasons. I supposed I set up a self protective barrier to enable my survival.
In my family, I was always the one who was more emotional, sensitive until I came to this country. People change. Oh yes. I changed. I nearly went nuts at one point of time. I guess I took some measures after that. Hopefully, I will reduce the chances of being hurt. Hopefully.....
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