result out

sigh.. result is out. And I have to check it in the uncomfort of a cyber cafe near my house in Johore. Can't say that the result is fabulous but it had to be enough. Ah well, at least I am not in the category where I will be forced to change course. Yup. Survival yet again.

Stochastic, KILL ME SOON!!!!!!!!!

Stupid guy. but quite funny. haha..

Last paper, Last paper, Let it be over....

SIEN... SIEN... SIEN...
Some people already finish exam and celebrating. I still have one more paper tomorrow. haih...
To add salt to wound, some of my previous papers are less than satisfactory. Sigh.. Hope that the adjustment will help to pull up mr grades a bit.

Exam Exam come come.. come to papa...

Photos from my phone.

For quite some time, cannot upload photos from my phone because my brother took away my blue tooth device for my desktop
Then, now I transfer it to PDA via bluetooth. then use cable to download from PDA to my desktop. One big round.

so here it is, this is the one that happen last year in my hall room. It crawled into my room. Tasty huh? (notice the size)

Handsome guy.. :P

My lil cousin sis, this taken lats year 19th september, her birthday. Now she taller and still so skinny.. haha

These, costs me S$40. Just tried them out just now. Wonderful workout I say. Though now only use half of the weights. Which is 2.5 lbs or 1.135 kg. Gonna increase as time goes by.

FIND THE WAY

This is a very nice song. The video is on Gundam Seed. If watched gundam seed before, the song mroe meaningful. But it is still nice without the video. Enjoy..

one, two; one, two; one, two;

suddenly have the urge to jog. they urge struck at around 9pm. Tried unsuccessfully to invite siew kee along too.

So I went on a solo mission. A mission that will never end.. until.... (answer known at the end)

Well, went jogging from my place to university. University is my best choice to jog. The reasons are:
1. Not many cars
2. Unbroken tracks for a long time
3. fresher air
4. a lot of trees around (no pinang tree... fortunately)
5. Well, who knows, you might get lucky and get a glimpse of chio bu or leng chai or even siao sports car.

The journey:
university, to hall 12,13; turn before NIE; align target to src; reach src; proceed to do 2.4km.

Of course, there are rests in between, else I will die long ago.
Sadly, my 2.4 can only do in 15 minutes.. sigh.. long gone the days of 12 minutes.

After that, thought of continue to do some sprints. Alas, my muscle failed me.. sigh... control of my legs are affected somewhat.. no choice, have to go back already.
The journey back was part walk, part jog.

Reached room at around 10.50pm. Gosh.. and I used the stairs.. no wonder I feel dead.. so dead.. Tomorrow will be a painful day.. wahahaha

Walk down the street

One fine wednesday night.
The breeze was cool after the rain.
I was happily walking back after buying bread.
As I pass by the food court, I noticed that there is some one laying down on the floor, opposite the food court.
I approach the person.
Initially, I thought that it must be some uncle sleeping on the floor.
Then when I was nearer, I noticed that it is a lady. Complete with hand bag and things that she bought.
I quicken my pace, thinking she may have fainted or sth.
Was wondering why is everybody avoiding her..
When I was about to reach her, I heard a loud sobbing sound from her.
out of my mind, images of people who are of not sound mind, flashes in my mind.
I had met some in the country, don't really want to meet more.
Hesitated whether to help or not.
Then, she slowly sat up.
Hm.. looks all fine to me. except that she is sobbing very loud now.
Walked pass the road.
Feel uneasy, decided to observe the lady to see if she will be ok.
She got up unsteadily, and started to walk.
The way she walk is not normal, like people who suffered stroke and recovered but with some effect on movement.
She sat down on stairs, took out handphone and make a call.
concluded that she was of sound mind, maybe just cannot get over her newly found "disability".
She cried for a while more, wipe away tears, got up.
Waited to cross the road, crossed the road and head towards Hdb flat.
That is when I decided to continue my walk back.

Sad world. firstly because there are people who have to suffer like that.
Secondly, of the people around the food court who just look at the whole incident like normal occurance.
thirdly, of those people who is watching free show, entertainment..
fourth, for my doubt in helping her... sigh....

Have you ever wonder

Here we are, studying like mad for exams. After that will be working hard to save money.

Then if lucky, meet suitable partner, get married, have family.

Then work even harder to feed more mouth and education of children.

Then after what seems like decade, children all grown up. They go to other place to study or work. Now all alone again. All the amount of time, effort and money invested in children, but they are leaving you.

Retire, if lucky go do some travelling.

Body failing, getting old.

Dead.

This, is still the more optimistic version. The main assumption is death don come anywhere in between. Come on, life should be more interesting and meaningful then this, no? Maybe because I have time to reflect after my grandpa passed away. I found out that, life is boring.

I think too much, and in the middle of exams.. haha.. ah well...

What about you? do you really know what you want? not just in the short term, but for your whole life. What do you want to achieve for the period that you are able to speak, work, travel....?

that feeling again

Yes, I am feeling it again
The feeling that will cause people to reduce effeciency.
The feeling that makes people to be in a lost of what to do.
The feeling that causes a person to be glum

All because of a movie that I watched.. haih...
the sad-love story.
korean movie 'a moment to remember'
Just great. Exams just 2 days away and I don feel like studying now..

I want to go jogging to forget that feeling. However, the slight pain from my right shoulder reminded me that I need to restrain from exercising.. haih.... I accidently pulled the muscle of my right shoulder. Not even sure how it happens. So there goes my most useful destressing method.

Well, of course I have other destressing method.
- ICE-CREAM!!!!! (got one whole box in fridge.. ok ok , maybe not whole anymore but still 80% left)
- read stories (quite effective if it is a good story. I can spend hours and hours on it, but not very wise when I am short of time, such as when exam period, which is......... now.....)
- Beer ( yes, beer. wierd thing is, beer also serves to make me awake. I thought it is the other way around. hm.. oh well, I never was normal.. hehe)
- listen to radio (starting to get bored of it since my favorite DJs are on vacation for 2 weeks.. sigh...)


trying to remember some parts of business law.. haha.. in this case, exemption clause.

Ah well, I supposed I should get back to study.. haih....

The girl that makes bone melt

joke from class 95 fm(adapted)

There was once a guy named William.

Since small, he was the person that teacher look for when they need students to help. They always say that he is the willing William. This is not so bad.

Then he joined the army and went for training. That is when his worst nightmare came...

During one live firing training, the instructor gave the command 'FIRE AT WILL!!!!'... and he fainted..

THE END

Exam coming SOON!!!!

Well maybe it is not so soon for some people but it is like half a month away only. The atmosphere is building up in school... Library extend opening hours, students studying so much tat I cannot find place to study in school = scary.

Oh well, the good thing is I got bored of world of warcraft. I always get bored of a game quite soon, and do not really feel like getting new game to play. ah well, more time to study and exercise then.

Oh ya, there is something about my house mate. One of them keep urinating on the seat cover. It is not so weird if it is a guy tat do that(well, guys with poor aim tend to do that), this however, is a girl. Damn her, make it so smelly. and the weird thing is, she pick the times that I will be first to use toilet after her, like when I have early class and she sleep late. ZZZZZzzzz......... I have no idea what she is doing. Meeting all kinds of interesting (aka weird) people.

And there is a girl who told me last week that her birthday was on monday. I chose to ignore that hint and now I have a new nick - 'irritating pig'. LOL. Wonder where that came from since I not really fat..

2nd funeral..

and counting..
Eventually, I will lost count of the number of funerals I attended.

I had a quiz on saturday afternoon. later in the evening, I received a call from father telling me to go to uncle's house. Uncle will fly back from KL and drive his family and me to KL on Sunday morning. It was said that Grandpa's condition is critical. All his organs are not fuctioning anymore. We were to go down and pay a visit to him maybe for the last time.

Sunday morning. After breakfast, we set off to KL from Singapore. We were not even out of Singapore when another telephone call came. Grandpa passed away... Not that it affect our plan very much cos everything was arranged and we were going back anyway. Yup, except that the intention now is different.

Grandma decided to have a lightning style of funeral. So on Sunday itself, people were called in to perform the rituals. The funeral was done according to taoist style.

We reached there in the late afternoon. Many ppl are there already, so too are my parents and my brother. The coffin is placed in front of the house and tents were built and extended to the road. There is a place on the side where offerings were being burnted
I was told to go cut my hair first because not allowed to cut hair for 3 months. So I went. After that, I bathed and changed into white cloths and black pants which was provided for by the funeral service ppl. I rested for a while in the room for the night is long.

In the evening, we take turns to eat dinner as some ppl must be present to continue doing the offerings and attend to ppl who came to pay last respect. Then, shifu (person who perform rituals), came. The immediate relatives gathered and we went into a series of kneeling, bowing, praying to different deity. I lost count of the number of times we performed the series of movement. this goes on from 7pm to past 3am with some small breaks in between. Along the way, some ppl cannot take it and have to drop out. The kids went to burning the offerings, while grandma just took a chair and sit down, observing the whole rituals. Kids slept at 12am.
The last of the rituals for the night is burning of paper car, paper house, paper servant, dead ppl's money, grandpa's clothes.... Initially we were holding hand in hand around the pile of offerings. But the fire prove too much for us and we have to stand much further back.

Then, the night ended.. most people went to sleep to get some rest before the rituals on monday. Sleep was near impossible for me. Went for walk, had tea with brother at 24 hours stall, continue burning offerings. lost count of time as we were not allowed to wear things like watch, necklance, earings..... later I slept for around 2 hours.

Morning came. Breakfast was ate hastily. Shifu came. Last respect was paid to grandpa. Some of grandpa's favorite things was put into the coffin. Coffin was sealed. Coffin was move out of the house compound. Prayers were offered. Coffined moved into coffin car. We boarded a bus to Tapah.
2 hours later...
reached Tapah, We came down of bus and walked behind the coffin car thru the town of Tapah.
Proceeded to burial grounds. Rested a while, have drink and some food. Coffin was lowered into the ground. Last rituals was performed. Each person took some soil and throw on top of coffin. We left without turning back...
Went to town of Tapah for lunch. Traveled back to House in seapark. Cleared the place of grandpa's belongings. offered jossstick to altar of grandpa. Went for dinner. All went for a good night's rest. THE END

All in all, everyone took it in stride. Including grandma. Everyone was expecting it to happen and have been prepared for it. However, some lost was felt from departure of grandpa.

Another funeral coming up

Well, it seems that I have to attend another funeral again. The signs are clear.... all the relatives are going back to visit in a rush, grandfather was not talking much when I met him 3 weeks ago. Now, he is hospitalized. Arrangements are being made..

gosh, I hate funerals. Yes I feel sad, but I don let it show. I have to be the one that is calm to be the driver. one good thing is that my grandfather had some good times...

I do not know why, but I suddenly remember what my grandfather told me few years back. He said:' If you have time, come back more often to see me, chit chat with me, eat roti canai with me. If you are busy with studies then nvm.' He was never demanding unlike those old folks we see in drama series. He is an understanding and independent person, which is a relieve to the relatives.
After that, I will go back to visit him with father whenever possible.

Sigh.. time pass very fast. I can still remember him working in a very crowded restaurant. Taking down orders of customers. The restaurant is not near.. he will take a bus himself or hitch a ride. He was the popular person there, customers look for him when they go there.

Then.. He had to sit down with customers to take orders. It appears that he is being friendly with customers, but the truth is he gets tire easily.

then.. he quited his job and stayed at home..till now..

Just a few days ago, he was happily playing candles with the 2 youngest grandchildren. Now, he is lying in hospital bed.. hahaha.. life is full of twist... life... sigh...

maths love letter

My Dear Love,

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in
trigonometric lane. There I saw you with your cute circular
face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your
triangular garden.

Before seeing you, my heart was a null set, but when a
vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a
deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart,
it differentiated.

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots,
which only you can solve by making good binary relation
with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions
but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits
from zero to infinity.

You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The
geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on
date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of
160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial
of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives
of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

Yours ever loving,
Pythagoras


--
"Plum trees bloom,
Nightingales sing,
But I am alone."

pressured.. stupid

Gosh, I feel so stupid recently.. sigh... feeling so depressed and disappointed... to the extent of giving up..

When doing tutorials, I cannot do many questions. Even if I manage to do the questions, they turned up to be wrong. While my friends are always able to do the tutorials, able to ask questions that teacher like, able to follow the lecture well (still able to do other things during lecture).

My confidence have never been so tested. And up till now, it seems that I have failed the test. This will lead to failure of other tests.. like examination.. I know.. I know that I should pick up my confidence again. still trying.. sigh.. It is not helpful that there are ppl who wanna show that they are smart. and the tutor who thinks that every one is smart. It also does not help that parents just want me to pass exam, not excel..

Hope I can go thru this hard times...

Seduced-failure

Oh my god. Just some time ago, I was seduced!!!! well, maybe some will not believe it but wait till you read on....

Some time last week, I met with my group members to do project. (both of them are girls). when we were choosing the place to meet and do project, I suggested computer room, but they wanted to do it in one of their room at 9.30 am.
So on the day, I went to the block but did not go and knock on the room door as I was early. So I sent a msg to the girl to check if she is awake. She told me to just go to her room. So I went..
What greeted me was a line of bras that was hung outside the room. So I pretend not to see it.
then, I knock on the door, she answered. and.. apparently she just woke up (with wrinkled clothes and ruffled hair)
Then she went to wash face and brush teeth, asking me to use her laptop in the mean time. But she forgot to give me the pass word. So I was left bored in the room alone. In order to ease my boredom, my eyes roamed the room. My my.. more bras hanging in the room. ( I did not see them!!!!)

Then she came back and the other group member came. Project starts....


they started to get bored and chat about other things for a while. Then they came to 'how to cross legs'. And they start to demonstrate... and they were wearing extreme short pants..

Then they were lying around on bed also, I did not dare too look much cos short pants+lie on bed....

After that went for lunch, one of the girls drive. and there were stair case... and they walked in front... and when stairs are up slope... I am basically looking straight at their butt (their short pants just serves to show their butt shape, not cover it).

Then how about one of them coming near when I found some information on laptop.. and her long hair was... well.... tickling me....

some may think, I should be happy huh? sadly, they are not my type ( wanted to say they not pretty but then everyone's taste is different)

Well, I think my immuned system was put to test and I think I passed the test.

DrEaM gIrL

My Beautiful Girl,
Wherever you are,
I know when I saw you
You have opened the door
and now that I love again
until a long, long time
I love again....

I MET HER!!!! THE IDEAL GIRL !!!! (physically, have not have chance to get to know more)
oh, how my heart melts at the sight of her eyes. Those perfectly shaped eye brows. Those cute lips. Those fair skin with pink colours. Those expressions that form inside the eyes... All this in just...... 5 minutes?

Yes, just 5 minutes. I met her when I went back home last friday. After Singapore custom, I boarded a bus and sat down. Immediately, my eyes, my brain (contrary to believe, I have them), my heart, were glued to a girl sitting in the seat in front of me. And so I stare and stare and stare, not wanting to take my eyes off her for as long as I can. I just want to marvel in the beauty that nature created..

You know how time boards a ultra-super sonic aeroplane when you want it to go slow? damn the time... Damn the driver for driving so fast.. Damn the other cars for not jamming up the causeway!!!! ARGH!!!! reach JB custom liao.. sigh... with heavy hearts... I stood up and left... My heart and soul still lingering near her...

When I am a capable person.... when that days comes.. oh please come....

time of serious study

One year ago, I cannot imagine anyone being able to stay at library for hours and hours. I was thinking that library is a very boring place with nothing much in store for me. I can get whatever information that I want online and from text books.

However, all this change. I am not sure why, but now I go to library at least 3 times per week and each time is around 2 hours. I start to like the envorinment of library, esp Library 2. the air cond (NOTE: MAIN POINT), study desk lighting and RBR.

and now I have to make playing computer games an activity that is extinct. haih... study day and night non-stop. But I have to admit that I am finding this life acceptable if not fun. For those who took further maths before, you would know the joy of doing tutorials.. The joy that you feel after you crack your head hours to solve your question, then cannot get, then try for hours again the next day... and GOT THE ANSWER!!! WAHAHAHA... Hope I don go crazy over doing tutorials... Or rather, I don become even crazier.. hahaha..

Anyway, a bit sien, my social life was bare minimum, now is even worse.. dunno how to describe it.. Well, 2 years ain't that long.. I hope (those who have 3 years more, don kill me :(.... ) I work so hard, but then I know that first class honors is very far from me.. sigh... this is demoralising... the best I can hope for is second upper, but then it is hard to get also..

Hope everyone work hard ans survive uni life.

no air-cond? yes air-cond

When a tenant signed the contract to rent the room, the landlady said that there will not be any air cond provided. What she meant was that the air cond unit is in the room but she kept the remote away from the tenant.

However, the tenant still manage to use the air-cond. Who needs a remote control to on the air-cond? As long as the main switch of the air-cond is turned on by the landlady in her room, the smart tenant can use the air-cond too.. and.. for free.... How cool is that?

However, as the landlady does not stay in the uni often, the tenant is thinking of purchasing a cooler that uses ice and water to cool down the room. The downside to the cooler is that it only lasts for 4 hours. After that more ice and water need to be added. and it costs more than S$150. Is it a good deal? hm...

movie joke

This is a conversation between a mother and a daughter.

D: Mama, papa will not allow me to go and study the course
M: It is ok darling, I will go talk to him
D: It is no use mama, he keep thinking he is the head of the house and have right to make decision...
M: Now don't you worry, he may be the head of the house, but I am the neck. I can turn the head anyway I want

Morale of story: being head is not a good thing.

House mate birthday

Gosh Gosh.. house mate birthday is coming up very soon. What am I to do? what to buy? oh no... hahaha.. ah well, my head nearly crack last night thinking about that. However, thanks to my careful observation of the things that I did, I manage to think of what to buy.. thanks to kee and choo, a wooden comb it will be... at least, one of the presents...

Been almost a week now staying there. Now, we (me and the other 2 girls) are more comfortable with each others' existance in the same unit. Although there are times where some things will happen. Like this morning, where I am dying to get the things in my rectum out.. unfortunately, one of the them is bathing.. oh the pain of waiting...

One of the worst things is,... I cannot go around semi naked in the unit or room now that there are girls there. Although I did do that when I stay with my brothers (their place got 2 girls share the unit also), those 2 are more like elder sister to me. Anyway, I am sure they have experienced much more than that.. haha.. With the 2 I staying with now.. hm.. they look like guai guai one.. cannot give too much shock to them... at least.. not yet.. MUAHAHAH....

first night.....

The first night of my stay in rented room....everything was just fine...
Had dinner together with my house mates and went for brief shopping with them. They were 2 girls from Muar. They rented one room and I took the other available room.

After that was studying time and 3 of us study till past 11 pm. Then got ready to turn in....

11.30pm.. on my bed feeling happy to get a nice room
11.45pm.. fell asleep
12.30am.. felt hot...
1am.. woke up to find out that the fan was out of action..
1am to 2am.. spend the time wondering what to do now that it is too hot without a fan. Went to living room, but the ceiling fan was as weak as a 1cm think tofu.
2am.. decided to sleep on the floor of living room...
4am.. woke up.. sleep is impossible since floor is heated up by my body temperature liao... tossed and turned
5am.. what the hell.. got up and bathed
5.30am walking around while fanning myself with a dvd
6am decided to eat some things and was clothes...

so ends my ordeal of the night. Do not mistaken.. the day was terrible also.. can see many ppl flying around the place.. and in circles....

5.30pm, reached home from school.. found a brand new fan in front of my door.. WOOHOO!!!1 new and powerful like a 1 m thick tofu.. can sleep well liao..

Home Sweet Home

After weeks of frantic searching online and viewing places near Uni, I have finally found a place to stay that is satisfactory.

Viewed the room 2 nights ago. At that time, there was another working guy also viewing the room. I must thank him to ask all the questions and get the answers that I wanna know. I must thank him also for creating the impression that he is noisy and talkative and demanding.. hahaha.. During most of the viewing, I just told my agent to let them ask the questions first. Then, they left after leaving their name card. That is when the victory strike was launched. I just took out money and pay for deposit and signed agreement with the landlady

Now the unit is all from same uni. The landlady is working at uni, and the other room stays 2 girls. At least one of them are attractive. HAHAHA... my poor brothers.. so envious of me. Ah well, going to move in this weekend. Then it will be getting down and proper on studying.. and some other things of possible :P (go figure what that means)...YEAH.. cannot wait to move in and release myself from the fate of sleeping on the floor and living on other ppl. (cos I don pay rent when I stay at the unit that my brother rented)

Hopefully all goes well

war

There is a battle in computer lab.
The number of participants are increasing.
The news is spreading like wild fire.
More and more ppl come to join in the fight once the exhausted and battered people leave.
Things are in a mess.
Chairs all over the place.
Items like keyboards are favorites as weapons in the war.
Will there be any end to it?

I am on standing by to join in the fight once my time comes.
to join in the fight to REGISTER SUBJECTS!!!

Yup, it is the time of the year again to fight each other to get the empty slots of classes.
It is when people show their selfishness by ignoring others and taking what they want
It is time when slow down of connections occur.

Do not despair brothers and sisters
Pick up your boards and mice
and fill the chair with sweat
while trying to emerge victorious.

-sth stupid-

start of journey again

Here it is again. Time to start my studies in the new semester, not that I am very enthusiastic about it. I am still very much disappointed and disorientated.

The disappointment comes from failure to execute my plan. This left me with nothing, no minor to take and also no second specialisation to take. One person suggested that I take the subjects in the specialisation I want and just learn the things and clear my GE. Guess I will just have to do that.

Disorientated? well, school starts but I have not get a place to stay yet. Now still bunking at my brothers' place at bukit batok. It does not feel good. All my stuff are not unpacked yet and will not be because I am not legit person to stay here. Take it as a challenge some say.. what choice have I?

Anyway, I had fun yesterday.. Though a bit tiring.. haha.. long day afterall. Many thanks to ppl who make it possible (sounds like thanking after event.. hm.. haha) Love you all (hm.. not the most recently befriended one). muach..

FREE WOrk

Here is what I do every few days...
1. Sweep the floor
2. mop the floor
3. wash the clothes of my brothers
4. hang the clothes
5. fold the clothes
6. nag my brothers to take in the folded clothes
7. nag my bothers to not change so many clothes
8. pick up stuffs


Little wonder why my brothers want me to stay with them LOL....

rapping simpson

long journey back to same place

I have travelling more than 800km in 2 days and I used up more than 12 hours during the 2 days to travel.. However, I ended up in the same place that I started my journey.. sucks huh?

Well, I went to kl from jb by ktm train. I was accompanying my grandmother back home. She preferred train.. so there goes more than 6 hours of journey.. What can I person that cannot sleep easily do? basically.... nothing.

Was hoping of meeting up with ppl in the region near petaling jaya.. but heard that one is busy with exam, the other is back in singapore and one more dunno busy about what.. haih.. there goes the plan to celebrate a friend's birthday... oh well.. too bad.. lousy timing to go there.. haha

On the way back from KL to JB, I took train again.. I have no idea why exactly... Well, spent some the time reading finish my story book and many articles of a magazine... other free time was spent idling away.. doing nothing.. and keep wondering 'why on earth is the air-cond so hot?' With no where to avoid the heat, I have to enjoy the 'coldness'. This set my hand into a constant back and front motion while holding a miserable piece of cardboard.

Worst thing is.. there wasn't any ppl who is of same age as me.. except for 4 girls that are of islamic religion. haih.. There was some show on the tv.. unfortunately, it is a comedy.. that is built solely on words.. To the annoyance of ppl who want to know what happening in the show... the volume is so low that I cannot hear anything even when I sit 30cm from the tv.. gosh.. such a waste of resources (the turning on of tv)

The only thing I can be glad of is that there are many empty seats around.. so I can take 2 seats to myself and need not let my shoulder have a bout of battle with other shoulders.

what is left after??

those names.. were once ppl who are full of energy and life..
those names.. thousands of them..
now merely a code of recognition for a stack of papers..
which were kept for the purpose of avoiding lawsuit or monetary claims problems...

Within the stack of papers, there were details of visits made..
patients hard to breath..
patients stopped breathing..
resuscitated...
health deterioting day by day...
family members advised to get CCOD
certified dead by doctor...

I got a chance to flipped through the files today...
Hard to not feel something..
when you are staring at the details in the files...
more so when you have to do so again and again to file in more names...
even more so when the dates are quite recent...

Passing of life

I was at a hospice centre, doing volunteer work from 10am to 5.45pm.
Quite a lot of things happen during this time...
I got chance to know one nice person....
I got chance to know the workers and nurses there better...
I got chance to eat burger king from novena...
I got chance to help set up a computer...
I got chance to eat a lunch of a worker as my first dinner....
I got chance to know that a patient just passed away....
I got chance to see the distraught look of the patient's husband....
I got chance to see the sad tears of the nurses...
I got chance to reflect on the fragile life of humans...

Epitaph

by Jaimie D. Travis

Image of you in a cloud rolls by The sky opens up, somewhere in my mind A vision of you in a pale blue dress Tears falling down, you took my breath Memories of you . . . Rain always hides these tears in my eyes Thunder laughs and my soul dies Will I hear your voice Will I touch your skin Will the ocean waves let me in Epitaph read like a warning sign Lightning strikes, I close my eyes A vision of you in a torn red dress Tears in your eyes, your hair a mess Memories of you . . . Rain always hides these tears in my eyes Thunder laughs and my soul dies Will I hear your voice Will I touch your skin Will the ocean waves let me in The time is near, the time is nigh To answer the call, to answer the cry My head still spins, my body aches Cold wind stings my eyes, my face Look around, no one there Will anybody notice, anyone care . . . Will I hear you laugh Will I see you cry Will this world just end and let me die

what to do? do what?

I am feeling not so well. my thoughts are all over the place.. suddenly think of many things and have to decide.. sigh... some of my plans and expectation were overturned by events and persons that were out of my control.
Maybe I feel this way because lack of sleep. went back home and accompany dad watch soccer. then wake up early to accompany for breakfast.. yawn....
can't get my tots straight also.. sigh.. ah well.. going to do laundry..

FFX2 opening

This the clearest. may take a while to load

Suteki Da Ne

nice song - arekara

try read this page.. I find it interesting.. if you like go read whole story.. haha

http://book.qukanshu.com/html/186/7001.html

朋友

朋友,
是共同患难,
是一起享福,
是人生扶把,
是互相关心,
是不畏考验,
是坚守友情,
是不会退缩,
是互相信任,
是不可或缺.

life and death

recently, I volunteered at Hospice Care Association. Although I have not come into contact with the patients. I had the chance to key in info of patients that were RIP (rest in peace). It makes me wonder about many things. What can we do to get a meaningful life? a life that when we are at our last moments, we can say that we have done sth and and contented? Is it just working and get money? Is it being filial? Is it to have a family with close relationship?

Recently I have been traveling a lot. I will follow my father whenever he goes to petaling jaya for meeting. Just went last week. I have to make use of every opportunity to go back and visit my grandfather. He is getting weaker by the day and everyone including my father is telling me that he will not last long. sigh... I have been fortunate so far. I had the chance to meet my grandparents, be it my father's side or my mother's side. though I seldom go and visit my mother's father who passed away 2 years ago. I am not going to make the same mistake again. My grandfather now very cute actually. haha. He will say that he don't want to eat lunch. But when me and grandmother sit down at table, he will want to join in for the sake of company.. Then he will have to eat sth. It saddens me to know that they are frequently looking forward to a visit by their children or grandchildren. My grandmother also expressed delight at my visit. She will tell everyone that she knows at kopitiam (and there are quite a few) that "cucu saya, cucu saya" or in cantonese. Eveytime I leave them I feel the pain when I see them suddenly become quiet when we are leaving.. sigh..

I am trying to make them happy whenever I can so that they have sth to hold on to during the period when nobody visit them. Hopefully it makes them feel better.

Organisational Behaviour

In class and lecture of organisational behaviour, they tell us that our characteristic will determine how we act. However, I beg to differ.
According to MBTI test, I am super super introvert. Does that mean I am not sociable? That was the question that bugged me. I even went as far to think that the reason why I felt isolated was because of my character.

However, I decided that it should not be the case. Because it is not the character that dictates how we act. In my opinion, it is how well you role play. In other words, everyone can be anyone if they are good at it. Even if you had bad traits, you can hide it and show others what they want to see. Hoping that in time, your bad traits will eventually disappear cos you forgot about them.

Yup,... that is what I did. I start to spend time doing things that I would think unnecessary like eating with a whole bunch of class mate at a canteen that is not really convenient for me. But after a while, I realise that: 'hey, it is quite ok to do so'. Now, I am somehow sort of a part of them.

Haha.... To those who are concern about me, I thank you for your care. At that point of time when I in bad mood, reading your comments make me feel better. Well, I am stable now... thanks.

the most unpopular guy....

I started to give myself this nickname since near september last year. Amazing that I can get the most dishonorable title huh? sigh... but I really do feel that I am like that in class. When my classmates see me, they reply my 'hello', but their body action and eyes gave them away.. It seems that the msg they convey is that 'oh my, why on earth do I have to meet him of all the people?'

Another incident happened today which further solidify my claim to the title. It goes like this...

During a class today, tutor asked us to form groups of 4. So I turned and ask the person seating beside me if he has a group. then he said no and quickly turn away. Then, tutor started the lecture... So I decided to postpone my request to join him in a group.
After some time, tutor gave a break for us to stretch.... that guy went out to take a walk with others. When he came back, I asked him if I can join his group. Then he gave me this apologetic look and said he formed a group with 3 other guys already.
(let's call that guy A)

So I said to myself:'nvm, I'll try other group'
Then, I went and asked around and found out that there is another group with only 3 persons. So I asked them if I could join them and they agree. (one of them is B)
so I happily walked away thinking that I settled the problem of getting a group. (at that time was after class)
tick tock tick tock tick tock... (after 3 minutes)
'beep beep' (msg on phone)

content of msg:
Yo, B here. A's group just splitted and A was sent to join us. Since we are in the same group with him for the rest of our subject, It is more convenient for us to meet up. Sorry... We feel very bad about it..

the msg is just a notification. It just goes to show how insignificant I am.... What The HELL!!!!!!!!!!

After that I went to a lecture. A was there also. He still smile at me and try to strike a conversation with me, to which I responded like normal and with a smile...
Sigh.... humans can be so scary,fake,cruel, and do not keep their words......

Uni student...

You know.. I realized that in NTU, there are still many people who do not treat pursuing education seriously enough to take the initiative…

Well, there was a lecture on Econs today. It is supposed to start at 2.30pm. But somehow, the LT is still half full at that time. Well, I thought to myself.. maybe they are having class before this and the venue is far away (normally we had class or lecture in the south side, but the lecture today was on the north side). Around 2.40pm, more and more people stroll in.. one can start to hear voices saying ‘hello’, ‘where to seat ar?’, ‘why you don’t like Lido’,and more bla bla bla… All this while the lecturer was waiting for them to settle down in front. Finally, the lecturer have to ask them to keep quiet ( uni student….. sigh..).

And so, the lecture starts finally… As I was listening enthusiastically to the lecturer, I heard whispers, complaints and curses behind me..

A: walau.. I am lost lor///

B: I dunno what the fuck he is talking about

A (or is it B or C? I dunno. Didn’t turn to check out): I am going to die for econs la.. walau…

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.

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Shouldn’t uni student be more proactive and read the lecture notes or at least glance through it before the lecture? (unless very confident)

Oh well, then I thought to myself.. I should thank these people because they are the ones who prevent me from getting too bad grade (Grades are awarded by ratio of the whole cohort)…haha…

charity

8^th Jan 2006. Sunday. It has been raining for the whole day today with no end in sight. Sigh… What a boring day. Cannot do anything much and the internet is not working yet. Not much computer games to play and I finished reading online stories that I downloaded. I am starting to feel lonely. I guess this always happens when I went back home for few weeks. Started to get use to home then have to come out and get use to another place. Sometimes, I really admire human’s ability to adapt to the surroundings. Haha…

Anyway, I went to an elderly home yesterday. (that is part of the reason why I didn’t go back to my house. Well, I knew about the home because I joined the group concerning elderly which is under Welfare Service club (nvm if you don’t understand,haha..) Well, only 3 people went to the home as other members went for a trip to Malaysia. Kind of weird to have just 3 persons going there when there are more then 40 elderly.. cos we only interacted with 2 elderly from one room… (all the other a gong a ma, sorry!!!!). Well, I was there for like 3 hours and we just chit chat with the elderly ( 2 a ma). They were so happy that we came and talk to them…haha… as we were happily chatting away… suddenly I noticed sth moving on the floor, so I picked it up. It appears to be an insect that live in the wooden frame of the bed and live of the elderly. Meaning, they actually sucked blood.. Then the elderly showed us to another bed where there are lots of dried blood and said those are caused by the insect. After that, I caught 4 more of them (one is full of blood).

The topics that we talked about ranged from Japanese war times to farming to rearing pigs, chicken, duck, how vegetables nowadays not so tasty, about fish that eats food completely processed by humans, the spirit of banana plant, dogs, egg, rain, the 4 seasons,…………………………………………………….. (now you have an idea of why we can talk for 3 hours… haha…)

One thing worth mentioning is that they laughed happily when we interact with them.. which is a good thing because they seldom have chance to go out. This is because elderly have some difficulties in movement and certainly all the stairs in Singapore is not helping. By interacting with them every week, I hope that they will be less bored. One other guy brought along some biscuits and gave them too. The smile on their face is well worth it.

However, I didn’t visit them during the holidays because I decided that I should visit my own parents and grandparents too. No point in being nice to other elderly while neglecting own grandparents and parents.

vegetarian

I came across this issue when I decided to go vegetarian. My parents objected to my decision again. For your information, I tried to turn vegetarian around 1 year ago. However, I have to abandon my decision because of objection from parents and also lack of vegetarian food in my hostel. Now, I turn vegetarian again. I hope that I can continue to be one. So far, I have not eaten meat for 4 days.

Well, my parents still think that I am not a vegetarian. They suggested that If I want to, I should just practice it on the 1^st and 15^th of every Chinese calendar month. I asked a fellow undergraduate who is a Buddhist about how he feels about being vegetarian for just 2 days in one month. He said that it is to practice discipline for 2 days. Which makes me wonder about the purpose of it. It is just like saying that I should be law abiding and be discipline for one day per week. For other days, I can do anything that I want. How does it sound? Ridiculous right?

Why would anyone want to be vegetarian anyway? Well, my reason may sound a bit funny. It starts after the I recover from sickness. After that, I start to notice a type of funny taste in fish, meat and egg which I don’t like. It is like rotten taste. How many will believe this? Well, my brother said that It is all in my mind. He said that I made myself believe that there is such a taste in meat.

But why would people want to be vegetarian? For Buddhist, they said that everything have a right to live. Hence, we should not take away that right from animals by killing them and eating them. For animal rights activists, they say that if people eat meat, there will be demand for it. As the breeding condition is degrading to the animals, it is just not right. I do not know about other interpretations..

Haha.. well, Hope my parents do not know about this blog…..Though I have to ponder over how I should act when I go home and my mum happily cooks all types of meat and fish to give me ‘nutrition’. Sigh…

(btw, this was typed when my room no internet connection)