Recently, two of my relatives are planning to get married. One of them at beginning of next year, the other end of next year. These should be joyous events but they are not. To me and some other relatives, they are a mismatch. A total mismatch.
Both of them are physically good looking, well educated, from good family background, good character. But their other halves are really not up to standard. I know that some say that love is everything. But one of them, ( a guy) do not even love the girl. It is another case of the girl love him then he just accepts her. Not that there is anything wrong with it if he knows what he wants. I talked to him and he said:" aiyah, now this girl still ok la, find a new one so troublesome, need to put in so much effort"
The other one is a girl, her future husband..... my family met him during chinese new year. When I set sight upon him, I was in disbelieve. He is a person without self-confidence, without good career (car sales man) going to marry a girl with Masters, father is lawyer and pretty?
The reply from her father "he is the son of god" ........
Such reasons..... for something so important... I am speechless...
Monday, October 29, 2007
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Morning bad luck
Ok. It is confirmed. I have bad luck in the morning. Three mornings of bad luck in a row is too much.
First, is long wait for bus.
Then is the 8 year old girl who died at neighbouring block.
On saturday.........
I packed my things and took a bus to interchange. Going to meet my brothers and go back together.
When I got on the bus, I went to upper deck to get a sit. At that time, I was feeling happy because I am going back.
Out of no where, I felt my shoulder being tapped so I turned back. First, I saw two fingers that have some wrinkles on them and some dirt. Then my sight followed the arm to look at the face. It was a woman who is more than 50 years old, wearing a not so new t-shirt.
She was talking to me. I did not get what she is saying the first time. But it is ok, she repeated it again. Then I realised that she was speaking in Hokkien. She said something like "lio kao boa, jiat kopi" ($2.50, drink coffee).
My first reaction..... I look at her and think to myself , "are you kidding me? since when did beggars turn change their work place to be on a bus?"
My reply to her is to turn and look outside the window, ignoring her. After she asked for 5 times, she went back to her seat.
And I start to think about what happened. My first guess was that she is not mentally sound and wanted to test my theory when other people came up to the second deck. Funny enough, she did not approach anyone else (do I look like those who will easily give away money?)
My curiosity was aroused. I wanted to take another look at her. So when the bus reached interchange, I took a look backwards as I was going down the stairs. I was freaked out. There was the lady, sitting 4 or 5 rows behind me. She was staring at me with anger, accusation, disbelieve, confused look (anger being the bigger part of it). I don't know how so many emotions can fit in the eyes but she did it.
I concluded that there is only two possibilities:
1. She have some mental conditions. the look in her eyes have some similarity to the look of a person who is plain crazy. Trust me, I know.
Lets divert a while to a story in secondary school...
One fine day after school (my classes in morning), I waited at the bus stop for public bus to come. Suddenly, someone grabbed my tie (part of school uniform) and pulled me towards him. He was around 40's, Malay/Indonesian.
He pulled me very close to his face and stared at my eyes. I could hear his breathing which is like panting after heavy exercise. He uses a lot of strength on his hold of my tie and I had difficulty breathing.
I could tell that he was very agitated and there is no way I could have matched his strength. (I was still a small skinny kid. And it is proven that crazy people have tremendous strength) All I could do was just stared back at him with terrified look on my face. Time seems to stop still and I was cursing at all the other students around me for not helping me or even noticing the situation I was in. I wanted to look away but his face was too close to my face, blocking my vision of other things.
After an eternity (actual time is no more than 3 minutes), he released me and sit quietly, dejectedly. I quickly took off my tie and stood far from him, all the while keeping an eye on him, preparing to run away if he comes at me again. ( no idea how I was going to do it when my whole body was shaking from the shock)
Fortunately, he left it as it is. But those looks... those looks.....
2. Do ghosts roam around in the day time? If they do, she might be one of them.
(oh damn, I am writing this in the night. And I am alone in the whole damn apartment... oh shit>
First, is long wait for bus.
Then is the 8 year old girl who died at neighbouring block.
On saturday.........
I packed my things and took a bus to interchange. Going to meet my brothers and go back together.
When I got on the bus, I went to upper deck to get a sit. At that time, I was feeling happy because I am going back.
Out of no where, I felt my shoulder being tapped so I turned back. First, I saw two fingers that have some wrinkles on them and some dirt. Then my sight followed the arm to look at the face. It was a woman who is more than 50 years old, wearing a not so new t-shirt.
She was talking to me. I did not get what she is saying the first time. But it is ok, she repeated it again. Then I realised that she was speaking in Hokkien. She said something like "lio kao boa, jiat kopi" ($2.50, drink coffee).
My first reaction..... I look at her and think to myself , "are you kidding me? since when did beggars turn change their work place to be on a bus?"
My reply to her is to turn and look outside the window, ignoring her. After she asked for 5 times, she went back to her seat.
And I start to think about what happened. My first guess was that she is not mentally sound and wanted to test my theory when other people came up to the second deck. Funny enough, she did not approach anyone else (do I look like those who will easily give away money?)
My curiosity was aroused. I wanted to take another look at her. So when the bus reached interchange, I took a look backwards as I was going down the stairs. I was freaked out. There was the lady, sitting 4 or 5 rows behind me. She was staring at me with anger, accusation, disbelieve, confused look (anger being the bigger part of it). I don't know how so many emotions can fit in the eyes but she did it.
I concluded that there is only two possibilities:
1. She have some mental conditions. the look in her eyes have some similarity to the look of a person who is plain crazy. Trust me, I know.
Lets divert a while to a story in secondary school...
One fine day after school (my classes in morning), I waited at the bus stop for public bus to come. Suddenly, someone grabbed my tie (part of school uniform) and pulled me towards him. He was around 40's, Malay/Indonesian.
He pulled me very close to his face and stared at my eyes. I could hear his breathing which is like panting after heavy exercise. He uses a lot of strength on his hold of my tie and I had difficulty breathing.
I could tell that he was very agitated and there is no way I could have matched his strength. (I was still a small skinny kid. And it is proven that crazy people have tremendous strength) All I could do was just stared back at him with terrified look on my face. Time seems to stop still and I was cursing at all the other students around me for not helping me or even noticing the situation I was in. I wanted to look away but his face was too close to my face, blocking my vision of other things.
After an eternity (actual time is no more than 3 minutes), he released me and sit quietly, dejectedly. I quickly took off my tie and stood far from him, all the while keeping an eye on him, preparing to run away if he comes at me again. ( no idea how I was going to do it when my whole body was shaking from the shock)
Fortunately, he left it as it is. But those looks... those looks.....
2. Do ghosts roam around in the day time? If they do, she might be one of them.
(oh damn, I am writing this in the night. And I am alone in the whole damn apartment... oh shit>
Friday, October 12, 2007
jokes
English lecture
In English, a double negative forms a positive, such as the phrase "not unfamiliar". But in some languages such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.
However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative," said the professor.
A voice from the back of the classroom said, "Yeah, right"
In English, a double negative forms a positive, such as the phrase "not unfamiliar". But in some languages such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.
However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative," said the professor.
A voice from the back of the classroom said, "Yeah, right"
Morning occurances. Death
It seems that I have the worst of luck in the morning to actually stumbled upon death......
I woke up relatively early in the morning (6.30am) to prepare for school.
As I was doing my morning exercise, I heard police siren which I dismissed as not important.
We had fighter jets zooming above few times a week, what is a police siren compared to that?
So I continue my preparation for school.
As I was walking towards the elavator, I spoted a police van stopping downstairs and 4 or 5 police officers got down. Now, what would require so many police officers? I was curious.
At the ground floor, I notice that there is a police cordone at a neighbouring block and I walked towards it. I can see that some residents are standing around and explaining to other people what happened which I did not bother to listen to because I could guess what happened....
There is a tent set up by the police to cover something. I saw the tent before in news. Police used it to cover dead body. Taking a quick glance around, I saw people pointing upwards. So my second guess is that someone fell down.
Then, there are only few options left in order of highest probability:
1. Suicide - possible in view of high stress environment
2. maid fell down - there were few cases of it already. Maid fell while cleaning windows
3. Murder or effect of heated argument.
I turned and walked towards bus stop. Another life lost just like that. sigh...
Recent check on news website revealed that the body is of a 8 year old girl.. So young... consequence of playfulness? sigh...
I woke up relatively early in the morning (6.30am) to prepare for school.
As I was doing my morning exercise, I heard police siren which I dismissed as not important.
We had fighter jets zooming above few times a week, what is a police siren compared to that?
So I continue my preparation for school.
As I was walking towards the elavator, I spoted a police van stopping downstairs and 4 or 5 police officers got down. Now, what would require so many police officers? I was curious.
At the ground floor, I notice that there is a police cordone at a neighbouring block and I walked towards it. I can see that some residents are standing around and explaining to other people what happened which I did not bother to listen to because I could guess what happened....
There is a tent set up by the police to cover something. I saw the tent before in news. Police used it to cover dead body. Taking a quick glance around, I saw people pointing upwards. So my second guess is that someone fell down.
Then, there are only few options left in order of highest probability:
1. Suicide - possible in view of high stress environment
2. maid fell down - there were few cases of it already. Maid fell while cleaning windows
3. Murder or effect of heated argument.
I turned and walked towards bus stop. Another life lost just like that. sigh...
Recent check on news website revealed that the body is of a 8 year old girl.. So young... consequence of playfulness? sigh...
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Sardine can? or not.
There are two buses that heads towards university on the same route. One is sort of express, from interchange to university without stopping. I have to take the other one.
So on a fine cooling and morning, I walked towards the bus stop while gentle breeze gently massage my face. I wanted to study in university for the whole day. I admit it is quite hard for me to make that decision :P. But I am in a good mood because the weather is good.
And I waited at the bus stop.
In a modern country that pride itself with its public transport, how long does it take to get on board a loop bus service? 10? 20? 30? I would say more than 35 minutes.
People waited in dismay as we saw not 1, not 2, not 3 but 4 direct express bus passed by without one normal bus.
After what seems like an eternity (especially for those who are going for 8.30am class), bus arrive at 8.45am. As usual, I took a peek at the upper deck and found it to be empty. So I boarded the bus with dozen others. I was curious to see that other people are contented to stand at the lower deck, blocking other people from getting to the upper deck and thus depriving passengers from boarding the bus, even when there are plenty of seats at the upper deck.
Is my brain faulty or is it theirs? Given a choice of seating down comfortably with air-cond blowing down directly, they chose to stand and squeeze and sweat?
Weird. Lol
So on a fine cooling and morning, I walked towards the bus stop while gentle breeze gently massage my face. I wanted to study in university for the whole day. I admit it is quite hard for me to make that decision :P. But I am in a good mood because the weather is good.
And I waited at the bus stop.
In a modern country that pride itself with its public transport, how long does it take to get on board a loop bus service? 10? 20? 30? I would say more than 35 minutes.
People waited in dismay as we saw not 1, not 2, not 3 but 4 direct express bus passed by without one normal bus.
After what seems like an eternity (especially for those who are going for 8.30am class), bus arrive at 8.45am. As usual, I took a peek at the upper deck and found it to be empty. So I boarded the bus with dozen others. I was curious to see that other people are contented to stand at the lower deck, blocking other people from getting to the upper deck and thus depriving passengers from boarding the bus, even when there are plenty of seats at the upper deck.
Is my brain faulty or is it theirs? Given a choice of seating down comfortably with air-cond blowing down directly, they chose to stand and squeeze and sweat?
Weird. Lol
Monday, October 08, 2007
《清宫风云》片尾 歌词——“阴错阳差”
未离别先有了牵挂，
真牵挂却已是咫尺天涯。
想说爱却开口成骂，
真想骂却早已冰雪融化。
近看是疤，远看是花。
种瓜得豆，种豆得瓜。
是什么它这样阴错阳差？
啊……嗳……
不小心就走进了瓜田李下。
越小心越走不出迷魂八卦。
啊……嗳……
近看是疤，远看是花。
种瓜得豆，种豆得瓜。
是什么它这样阴错阳差？
啊……嗳……
不小心就走进了瓜田李下。
越小心越走不出迷魂八卦。
啊……嗳……
这天下真叫做江山如画。
这人间真叫人心乱如麻。
啊……嗳……
Sunday, October 07, 2007
关系
有时候，我会问自己。人与人之间到底要又怎么样的关系。亲如父母兄弟，住在一起却会有意见不一致的时候，从而导致双方都不愉快。
两个哥哥子中学起，在同一个班级读书。来到了异国，他们也一起住了快三年了。然而，他们却时常为了一些完全可以避免的事情而闹得不愉快。
我想妈提起，她说：
“人呀，在一起难免会吵架。以前，我和你爸也我和你爸也是经常这样。年轻啊！要面子，谁都不愿意让步。现在不同了。现在老了。吵架的时候， 会想到 “何必呢？都已经相处了这么久。老来有伴就好了” ”
可见，人的智慧是随着年龄而增长的。好面子，好生，是年轻人的缺点啊！
两个哥哥子中学起，在同一个班级读书。来到了异国，他们也一起住了快三年了。然而，他们却时常为了一些完全可以避免的事情而闹得不愉快。
我想妈提起，她说：
“人呀，在一起难免会吵架。以前，我和你爸也我和你爸也是经常这样。年轻啊！要面子，谁都不愿意让步。现在不同了。现在老了。吵架的时候， 会想到 “何必呢？都已经相处了这么久。老来有伴就好了” ”
可见，人的智慧是随着年龄而增长的。好面子，好生，是年轻人的缺点啊！
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Seminar happenings
For the first time since the start of semester, I am early for the class. Previously, I had to rush there from another class and will always be late (well, truth is I seldom go for this class)
I am seated at the front row, eyeing other students who started to trickle in. Alas, there is no super pretty gals or handsome guys to nourish my eyes. Lo and behold, the lecturer came in.
He turn towards students and flashed his smile (his opinion: charming smile. My opinion: retarded smile). Then he goes on to turn on the computer and search for power point slides. Much to his dismay, he realised that he forgot to upload the slides, which means that students do not have it too. He rushed out of the class to try to ratify the problem.
Half an hour later, he came back and announced that he will give us break to go and print the power point slides. Unfortunately, students are not impressed as there should be a break whether or not there is a printing session. This simply means that there will not be a break because of that.
oh well, it happens.
Just when I thought that class is going to start (to cover previous materials which he left out because of 'time constrain'), he started to announce one by one the marks of assignment and quiz of each student in the seminar room.
Some excerpt:
" XYZ, ah, first class material, quiz high marks, assignment good quality..."
"ABC, ah, quiz not so good but assignment good. I respect you. You are better than me. I can see your pain in doing the assignment. Well, everyone can do it but it is painful. You are better than me, you are better than professors........"
"DEF, tsk tsk, both also not good, where are you? oh absent.. this is bad,........."
I shall not go on. For simplicity, just times each statement by 12 times. oh, these takes up 45 minutes
In between, he cracked some 'jokes' and made some statements....
" when apply for job, females should say that she want to be single! (raising his hands and laughing) No company want to employ you if you say that you want to balance work and family unless you work for government"
" you know, company that makes weapon are very powerful. They control the country. they make the most money when there is war. fight fight fight. This fight that, that fight this...."
" ok we will try to cover these materials. But my colleague do not want to cover this topic. Well, I am expert in this topic but they say that it is not important. It is important.............."
" ah then this topic we will also try to cover. I am also an expert in this topic. I am expert in the world........."
With just one hour left ( out of 3 hours seminar), he let us off to print slides, saying that it is 10 minutes break.
So, printing......
back in class within 8 minutes and waits... Prof strolled in at the 20th minutes holding cup of coffee. Open his slides, turn volume to the maximum and started to play with his slides. Why the volume? because he wanted to put students in the star wars era with all the high pitch laser sounds he added into each and every single slides (previously was explosion sounds). So he click click click... While I hold my head, trying to withstand the onslaught of star wars......
< looking at summary page>.. "Ok we have to cover this but we do not have time (thanks to who?) so we will cover until.... . Ah this topic, I am expert on this....
<10 minutes later>, class starts with just 45 minutes left.
Suddenly, he came upon one slides with errors. It appears as a plain and simple error to me because the next slide counters the argument, so does text book (should be the word before instead of after) Without realising it, he rattles on (reading slides). After a while, he notice something funny with the slides. start to crack his head. Being the expert that he is, he started to develop his own theory to match the slide (contradicting himself a few times while doing so)
After some of futile attempts at explaining it(students busy copying down the rubbish that he is saying). I asked him if it should be 'before' based on the next slides. He looks at next slide and have a blank look on his face. Turn towards his 'first class materials' students and ask them " how do I reconcile this?" After some attempts at trying to make his previous speech make sense, he realise that he couldn't and skipping the whole thing altogether........
At the end,...
" people should be humble ( I totally agree)... then continues talking how he is expert in this and that...."
" I want you all to write a lot. I am expert in marking essays. For one point, write it out in different ways (where does the efficiency goes to?)"
Finally, time ends and he continue to talk about not enough time.. bla bla bla....
With all this, is it a wonder why I hate going to the class? LOL
I am seated at the front row, eyeing other students who started to trickle in. Alas, there is no super pretty gals or handsome guys to nourish my eyes. Lo and behold, the lecturer came in.
He turn towards students and flashed his smile (his opinion: charming smile. My opinion: retarded smile). Then he goes on to turn on the computer and search for power point slides. Much to his dismay, he realised that he forgot to upload the slides, which means that students do not have it too. He rushed out of the class to try to ratify the problem.
Half an hour later, he came back and announced that he will give us break to go and print the power point slides. Unfortunately, students are not impressed as there should be a break whether or not there is a printing session. This simply means that there will not be a break because of that.
oh well, it happens.
Just when I thought that class is going to start (to cover previous materials which he left out because of 'time constrain'), he started to announce one by one the marks of assignment and quiz of each student in the seminar room.
Some excerpt:
" XYZ, ah, first class material, quiz high marks, assignment good quality..."
"ABC, ah, quiz not so good but assignment good. I respect you. You are better than me. I can see your pain in doing the assignment. Well, everyone can do it but it is painful. You are better than me, you are better than professors........"
"DEF, tsk tsk, both also not good, where are you? oh absent.. this is bad,........."
I shall not go on. For simplicity, just times each statement by 12 times. oh, these takes up 45 minutes
In between, he cracked some 'jokes' and made some statements....
" when apply for job, females should say that she want to be single! (raising his hands and laughing) No company want to employ you if you say that you want to balance work and family unless you work for government"
" you know, company that makes weapon are very powerful. They control the country.
" ok we will try to cover these materials. But my colleague do not want to cover this topic. Well, I am expert in this topic but they say that it is not important. It is important.............."
" ah then this topic we will also try to cover. I am also an expert in this topic. I am expert in the world....
With just one hour left ( out of 3 hours seminar), he let us off to print slides, saying that it is 10 minutes break.
So, printing......
back in class within 8 minutes and waits... Prof strolled in at the 20th minutes holding cup of coffee. Open his slides, turn volume to the maximum and started to play with his slides. Why the volume? because he wanted to put students in the star wars era with all the high pitch laser sounds he added into each and every single slides (previously was explosion sounds). So he click click click... While I hold my head, trying to withstand the onslaught of star wars......
< looking at summary page>.. "Ok we have to cover this but we do not have time (thanks to who?) so we will cover until.... . Ah this topic, I am expert on this....
<10 minutes later>, class starts with just 45 minutes left.
Suddenly, he came upon one slides with errors. It appears as a plain and simple error to me because the next slide counters the argument, so does text book (should be the word before instead of after) Without realising it, he rattles on (reading slides). After a while, he notice something funny with the slides. start to crack his head. Being the expert that he is, he started to develop his own theory to match the slide (contradicting himself a few times while doing so)
After some of futile attempts at explaining it(students busy copying down the rubbish that he is saying). I asked him if it should be 'before' based on the next slides. He looks at next slide and have a blank look on his face. Turn towards his 'first class materials' students and ask them " how do I reconcile this?" After some attempts at trying to make his previous speech make sense, he realise that he couldn't and skipping the whole thing altogether........
At the end,...
" people should be humble ( I totally agree)... then continues talking how he is expert in this and that...."
" I want you all to write a lot. I am expert in marking essays. For one point, write it out in different ways (where does the efficiency goes to?)"
Finally, time ends and he continue to talk about not enough time.. bla bla bla....
With all this, is it a wonder why I hate going to the class? LOL
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
physical impaired...
I keep telling myself that I am fine, that I can live as normal people do.
But truth is always harsh. It has proven me wrong again.
I am so sick and tired of telling everyone again and again about my condition. Not that I wanted others to pity me. Just that I do not want them to misunderstand me when I responded in a weird way during conversation.
I hate to sit on the right side. I hate to be in a noisy place. I hate to see the look that says :" gosh why am I talking to you? you don't even reply to my sentence. This is a waste of my time". I hate it. I hate it. HATE IT!!
I have been trying all I can to try to live with it. Turning all the way to the left when someone on my left is speaking. Guessing what they are talking about by looking at their lips. Avoid situation where I have to sit on the right side. Avoid going to noisy places. But sometimes, it is just not enough.
Hence, there is a higher chance that I am misunderstood as not paying attention, snoobish, slow, blur.... To reduce the chance of it occuring, I am quiet during gathering so that people will not talk to me. Yeah, I am a quiet person with nothing much to talk about. So don't bother talking to me. At least this is quiet is better than cause misunderstanding.
Oh, there is one more thing I hate. Driving car and chatting at the same time, since driver seat is at the right side. If I am chatting, I'll have to turn to the left, my eyes will be busy trying to guess words by looking at lips movement. No, I was not involved in accident before, fortunately.
If words of a specialist is true, I will have to live with this all my life. All my life.. Will the situation becomes better?? Maybe it will. That is if I wear a huge signboard saying that "I am partially deaf, Do not be offended". Well, maybe a small paper stuck on my forehead will be more subtle. Or should I just plug earphones into my ear all the times?
周围的人们在欢笑，
说着笑话唱着歌，
谈天说地多自在。
可是我，无奈的我；
只能一个人，
默默的扮演我的角色；
哑巴的角色，
聋子的角色。
期待能融入快乐的人们；
却只能永远，
做哑剧的观众。
But truth is always harsh. It has proven me wrong again.
I am so sick and tired of telling everyone again and again about my condition. Not that I wanted others to pity me. Just that I do not want them to misunderstand me when I responded in a weird way during conversation.
I hate to sit on the right side. I hate to be in a noisy place. I hate to see the look that says :" gosh why am I talking to you? you don't even reply to my sentence. This is a waste of my time". I hate it. I hate it. HATE IT!!
I have been trying all I can to try to live with it. Turning all the way to the left when someone on my left is speaking. Guessing what they are talking about by looking at their lips. Avoid situation where I have to sit on the right side. Avoid going to noisy places. But sometimes, it is just not enough.
Hence, there is a higher chance that I am misunderstood as not paying attention, snoobish, slow, blur.... To reduce the chance of it occuring, I am quiet during gathering so that people will not talk to me. Yeah, I am a quiet person with nothing much to talk about. So don't bother talking to me. At least this is quiet is better than cause misunderstanding.
Oh, there is one more thing I hate. Driving car and chatting at the same time, since driver seat is at the right side. If I am chatting, I'll have to turn to the left, my eyes will be busy trying to guess words by looking at lips movement. No, I was not involved in accident before, fortunately.
If words of a specialist is true, I will have to live with this all my life. All my life.. Will the situation becomes better?? Maybe it will. That is if I wear a huge signboard saying that "I am partially deaf, Do not be offended". Well, maybe a small paper stuck on my forehead will be more subtle. Or should I just plug earphones into my ear all the times?
周围的人们在欢笑，
说着笑话唱着歌，
谈天说地多自在。
可是我，无奈的我；
只能一个人，
默默的扮演我的角色；
哑巴的角色，
聋子的角色。
期待能融入快乐的人们；
却只能永远，
做哑剧的观众。
Monday, September 17, 2007
Death?
I had a dream..... Usually dreams are forgotten when a person wakes up. But not this dream. It is etched deep in my mind....
It all started in the house of my mother's father in a village. My family was there for a visit I suppose. And I was cleaning ladder with a brush in the toilet(why cleaning? why ladder? hm..)
Then as I was cleaning the ladder, the scene switched to me cleaning a head in the toilet. Yes, just a head. The funny thing is I do not feel afraid then, like it was a normal thing. The head belonged to my mum's father who passed away. The interesting thing is that the head was chattering away. This continues for some time until the head turned (how to turn without neck? no idea) towards me and said:" you can see me? you are dead??!!".
That was when my fear and uneasiness sets in. I dare not turn to look behind me because I was afraid of what I might see (my body lying on the floor). I was terrified. Suddenly, I saw my eldest brother at the entrance to the toilet. I knew then that he cannot see me or hear me but I wanted him to help me. So I banged against the toilet door. I saw him looked inside the toilet but the toilet was dark. He moved closer as my fear deepens............
And POOF!!!! I woke up.... What a dream.. This is the second time I dreamt of such things happening in that house which has been empty for a long time since my grandma moved and stay in my home. The previous time was the feeling of evil presence in the place..
Have I been watching too much "Ghost Whisperer"? LOL
It all started in the house of my mother's father in a village. My family was there for a visit I suppose. And I was cleaning ladder with a brush in the toilet(why cleaning? why ladder? hm..)
Then as I was cleaning the ladder, the scene switched to me cleaning a head in the toilet. Yes, just a head. The funny thing is I do not feel afraid then, like it was a normal thing. The head belonged to my mum's father who passed away. The interesting thing is that the head was chattering away. This continues for some time until the head turned (how to turn without neck? no idea) towards me and said:" you can see me? you are dead??!!".
That was when my fear and uneasiness sets in. I dare not turn to look behind me because I was afraid of what I might see (my body lying on the floor). I was terrified. Suddenly, I saw my eldest brother at the entrance to the toilet. I knew then that he cannot see me or hear me but I wanted him to help me. So I banged against the toilet door. I saw him looked inside the toilet but the toilet was dark. He moved closer as my fear deepens............
And POOF!!!! I woke up.... What a dream.. This is the second time I dreamt of such things happening in that house which has been empty for a long time since my grandma moved and stay in my home. The previous time was the feeling of evil presence in the place..
Have I been watching too much "Ghost Whisperer"? LOL
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
secured feelings?
I have heard and read about how people feel unsafe with the presence of foreign workers. I did not quite believe it, until today.
I was queueing up for bus behind a cute girl. As people began to board the bus, I notice that there was a foreign worker who stared blatantly at the girl in front of me. If I were in her position, I would feel uncomfortable too.
However, I do sympathise with the worker's position. Working long hours, away from wife and children. It could get lonely I suppose. But to stare at opposite gender in such a blatant way... is just not right.
My respect for females that was given this treatment and yet managed it well.
I was queueing up for bus behind a cute girl. As people began to board the bus, I notice that there was a foreign worker who stared blatantly at the girl in front of me. If I were in her position, I would feel uncomfortable too.
However, I do sympathise with the worker's position. Working long hours, away from wife and children. It could get lonely I suppose. But to stare at opposite gender in such a blatant way... is just not right.
My respect for females that was given this treatment and yet managed it well.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Living in stories..
'Sheng! get ready! We are going off to Library.'
Such calls are not uncommon to hear when I was small. It was a routine every two weeks for each library. Me and my brothers will be packed into the car and travelled 40 minutes to libraries. There were 2 libraries that we frequented. One near town and another in industrial area.
I was fortunate to have parents who are well aware of the importance of reading. Hence we were members of 2 libraries. Each membership allows loan of 3 books for 2 weeks. So in total there will be 21 books from both libraries. I never really enjoyed reading when I was small. But I enjoyed the praise that I received from my mum when I passed the test. The test is to give a summary of what the book I read was about verbally. Normally, this is done when my mum was doing laundry.
When I grow up, I started to like reading and hating it at the same time.
I like it because it is a real pleasure to be able to read an interesting story that has an original theme. I frequently lost track of time when I had a good story to read. I could continue reading from the moment I am awake until I force myself to sleep late at night.
For me, reading is an important way to to relieve stress or any other negative feelings that I have.
However, all this reading is causing me lots of problem. Firstly, it is getting harder and harder to find good stories that is interesting and have a sense of humour and has original theme at the same time. Another thing is my addiction to reading which caused me to waste valuable time which I should be using to do tutorials and studies.
But I cannot help it. The story world is too interesting. Every emotion can be found in stories.. happiness, cheekiness, .... I so wish to have endless supplies of good stories to read.
stories... my life....
Such calls are not uncommon to hear when I was small. It was a routine every two weeks for each library. Me and my brothers will be packed into the car and travelled 40 minutes to libraries. There were 2 libraries that we frequented. One near town and another in industrial area.
I was fortunate to have parents who are well aware of the importance of reading. Hence we were members of 2 libraries. Each membership allows loan of 3 books for 2 weeks. So in total there will be 21 books from both libraries. I never really enjoyed reading when I was small. But I enjoyed the praise that I received from my mum when I passed the test. The test is to give a summary of what the book I read was about verbally. Normally, this is done when my mum was doing laundry.
When I grow up, I started to like reading and hating it at the same time.
I like it because it is a real pleasure to be able to read an interesting story that has an original theme. I frequently lost track of time when I had a good story to read. I could continue reading from the moment I am awake until I force myself to sleep late at night.
For me, reading is an important way to to relieve stress or any other negative feelings that I have.
However, all this reading is causing me lots of problem. Firstly, it is getting harder and harder to find good stories that is interesting and have a sense of humour and has original theme at the same time. Another thing is my addiction to reading which caused me to waste valuable time which I should be using to do tutorials and studies.
But I cannot help it. The story world is too interesting. Every emotion can be found in stories.. happiness, cheekiness, .... I so wish to have endless supplies of good stories to read.
stories... my life....
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Invisible Prison
I realised that I was in prison and may still be in it for some time.
A prison that confined my and block my interaction with people around me.
A prison that was set up unintentionally by myself.
which was influenced by the environment that I am in.
where I lived alone in the whole unit.
I got so used of being alone that I forgot what it is like to be in a group. sigh..
Maybe it is because of survival instinct.
Many things I do are viewed upon as weird.
Eg: Looi Sing!!! you know how to sew? Are you sure you are a guy?
(the thing is, since sec school, both parents busy working. If I do not learn to do it myself I would have not enough uniform to wear.. )
Eg: Why you so quiet?
(since pri 6, I have been lonely. brothers all in different sessions. parents all working. During that time I was afraid of thunderstorm. Especially when lightning caused a blackout.. I hugged my legs and sit in a corner for hours until the sky lights up or parents come back. I had to get use to loneliness, quietness hopelessness, etc etc to survive.)
Ah well, but all those are over. I shall open up more!!!
A prison that confined my and block my interaction with people around me.
A prison that was set up unintentionally by myself.
which was influenced by the environment that I am in.
where I lived alone in the whole unit.
I got so used of being alone that I forgot what it is like to be in a group. sigh..
Maybe it is because of survival instinct.
Many things I do are viewed upon as weird.
Eg: Looi Sing!!! you know how to sew? Are you sure you are a guy?
(the thing is, since sec school, both parents busy working. If I do not learn to do it myself I would have not enough uniform to wear.. )
Eg: Why you so quiet?
(since pri 6, I have been lonely. brothers all in different sessions. parents all working. During that time I was afraid of thunderstorm. Especially when lightning caused a blackout.. I hugged my legs and sit in a corner for hours until the sky lights up or parents come back. I had to get use to loneliness, quietness hopelessness, etc etc to survive.)
Ah well, but all those are over. I shall open up more!!!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Are we living happily?
When I watch tv programme, I pay special attention to the eyes of the celebrities and hosts. I noticed that many of them have eyes that speaks of boredom, tiredness, unhappiness. This observation is not limited to celebrities. It is fairly easy to see people with dark eye rings dozing off in MRT. If one is more observant, it is easy to see that many people have unconsciously wear the worried look all the time.
Are we living our life happily? I wonder.....
Are we living our life happily? I wonder.....
Monday, July 30, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
The End
So it ends. Much like everything else, there is always an end. Such is the same for my attachment.
I must admit that I felt a little bit sad that I cannot join my ex-colleagues in their fight with the papers and documents. Not that I like the job a lot. It is the people.
Hard to believe? a month ago I was still cursing and swearing about the people and now I kind of miss them. The only reason is because I learnt about ways to handle people. I even went and bought a book on ways to handle difficult people. It helped. A month ago, they will be insulted or angry if I tell them about a mistake they made. But towards the end, they are able to accept it well and even apologise sincerely.
Why? because I made them my friends. We were able to joke, laugh and make fun of each other. All because I change the way I interact with them. Different people, Different time, Different mood all requires different ways of handling. I would say that I managed to find that way successfully. (Of course, the occasional treat of cakes and puffs help)
The end of one thing, is only the beginning of another. Now I have to come up with a report on the attachment. I must admit that I do not really like to write a report. But then again, who likes it anyway. .. LOL...
I must admit that I felt a little bit sad that I cannot join my ex-colleagues in their fight with the papers and documents. Not that I like the job a lot. It is the people.
Hard to believe? a month ago I was still cursing and swearing about the people and now I kind of miss them. The only reason is because I learnt about ways to handle people. I even went and bought a book on ways to handle difficult people. It helped. A month ago, they will be insulted or angry if I tell them about a mistake they made. But towards the end, they are able to accept it well and even apologise sincerely.
Why? because I made them my friends. We were able to joke, laugh and make fun of each other. All because I change the way I interact with them. Different people, Different time, Different mood all requires different ways of handling. I would say that I managed to find that way successfully. (Of course, the occasional treat of cakes and puffs help)
The end of one thing, is only the beginning of another. Now I have to come up with a report on the attachment. I must admit that I do not really like to write a report. But then again, who likes it anyway. .. LOL...
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Crazy person in a crazy village
Don't know if any of you heard about the story.
It goes like this...
Long long time ago... ( as always)
There was a man who came back to his village after working for a long time in the city.
..............
.............
.............
In short, he is a normal person. However, everyone around him is not of the right mind. So he was treated as a crazy person by the other villagers.
Recently, I heard and saw things that made me have the same feeling as the man mentioned above.
Incident 1....
Most of my colleague are chinese speaking except for one. Well, apparently they have a sense that their chinese level is superior than Malaysian counterpart. So they teased me again and again without any regard for my delicate heart. However, their chinese is even worse than mine in terms of usage of words. I was so close at blurting out that they are wrong but I stopped myself. Why? Because my superiors also using making the mistake. Furthermore, the mistake is so common that it has become a norm in this society where it will be a mistake for me to even say that it is a mistake (hm...seems to be hard to understand.. lol)
Incident 2.....
A said : You know ar... I met this very rude lady in the Mrt.
B replied : Why? What happened?
A :Well, it was very crowded in the mrt and I was standing at the door. Then when the mrt reach a stop, this lady ask me to give way and said that I should be more automatic in doing it without being asked to. She is so rude!!! I was waiting for people to say excuse me then I give way ma.
My Question to A (which I did not ask since everyone who is around me agree with A)..
1. Mrt doors are meant for people to enter and exit is it not?
2. It is highly possible that there will be people boarding and unboarding mrt at each stop right?
3. They have to use the door right?
4. Given the situation, is it not clear that A should be expecting to give way for people to board and unboard mrt?
I don't know. For me, even if I am not standing at the door, even if I am closing my eyes to rest, I would just take a while to see if people around me is getting off and if I am blocking their way or if I get a seat, if there is other people who needs the seat more than I do (elderly people, pregnant women etc)
I don't understand it. Is it because the country is so well managed by government that people take things for granted? Is it because majority rules hence everything they do they think is right?... well well.... this is so wrong..
It goes like this...
Long long time ago... ( as always)
There was a man who came back to his village after working for a long time in the city.
..............
.............
.............
In short, he is a normal person. However, everyone around him is not of the right mind. So he was treated as a crazy person by the other villagers.
Recently, I heard and saw things that made me have the same feeling as the man mentioned above.
Incident 1....
Most of my colleague are chinese speaking except for one. Well, apparently they have a sense that their chinese level is superior than Malaysian counterpart. So they teased me again and again without any regard for my delicate heart. However, their chinese is even worse than mine in terms of usage of words. I was so close at blurting out that they are wrong but I stopped myself. Why? Because my superiors also using making the mistake. Furthermore, the mistake is so common that it has become a norm in this society where it will be a mistake for me to even say that it is a mistake (hm...seems to be hard to understand.. lol)
Incident 2.....
A said : You know ar... I met this very rude lady in the Mrt.
B replied : Why? What happened?
A :Well, it was very crowded in the mrt and I was standing at the door. Then when the mrt reach a stop, this lady ask me to give way and said that I should be more automatic in doing it without being asked to. She is so rude!!! I was waiting for people to say excuse me then I give way ma.
My Question to A (which I did not ask since everyone who is around me agree with A)..
1. Mrt doors are meant for people to enter and exit is it not?
2. It is highly possible that there will be people boarding and unboarding mrt at each stop right?
3. They have to use the door right?
4. Given the situation, is it not clear that A should be expecting to give way for people to board and unboard mrt?
I don't know. For me, even if I am not standing at the door, even if I am closing my eyes to rest, I would just take a while to see if people around me is getting off and if I am blocking their way or if I get a seat, if there is other people who needs the seat more than I do (elderly people, pregnant women etc)
I don't understand it. Is it because the country is so well managed by government that people take things for granted? Is it because majority rules hence everything they do they think is right?... well well.... this is so wrong..
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Another failed attempt at finding my angel
Sigh, when will I ever find the one.....
It all sound like right, except that the girl is not exactly what I wanted......
She is in the same uni but different course as I am. We are doing our attachment in the same company.
She have some tasks that require her to come to the department I am in. We are from same country.
So it starts.....
It is 6pm. As a person who is very punctual, I left work at exactly 6pm. As usual, I walk at my pace which is slightly faster than other people. Which is a very good pace since I will be able to see more people along the way (meaning higher chances of seeing pretty gal, which I did quite a few times. but I shall not elaborate on it). Then I notice a person who looks very familiar in front of me. Hence I walked up to her and had conversation with her.
(from here onwards. shall switch to point form to save time and space... :) )
She wanted to check her mobile phone contract status so I accompanied her since it is on the way and there was no queue.
Boarded mrt and chatting.
Got off at the same station and decided in a indirect way that it is quite a good idea to have dinner together. ( of course, it is a pay separately type since not my gf and I am poor)
After dinner, best time to get to know each other. So we did more talking.
Decided that she is not my angel based on her thinking and mind set, character.
Sounds very detached? Maybe. But it is very hard to maintain love in the long term. So I think that for life partner, finding someone that I can be comfortable with even when there is no love, is important. Hm... This is potentially debatable.. oh well.. hahaha
It all sound like right, except that the girl is not exactly what I wanted......
She is in the same uni but different course as I am. We are doing our attachment in the same company.
She have some tasks that require her to come to the department I am in. We are from same country.
So it starts.....
It is 6pm. As a person who is very punctual, I left work at exactly 6pm. As usual, I walk at my pace which is slightly faster than other people. Which is a very good pace since I will be able to see more people along the way (meaning higher chances of seeing pretty gal, which I did quite a few times. but I shall not elaborate on it). Then I notice a person who looks very familiar in front of me. Hence I walked up to her and had conversation with her.
(from here onwards. shall switch to point form to save time and space... :) )
She wanted to check her mobile phone contract status so I accompanied her since it is on the way and there was no queue.
Boarded mrt and chatting.
Got off at the same station and decided in a indirect way that it is quite a good idea to have dinner together. ( of course, it is a pay separately type since not my gf and I am poor)
After dinner, best time to get to know each other. So we did more talking.
Decided that she is not my angel based on her thinking and mind set, character.
Sounds very detached? Maybe. But it is very hard to maintain love in the long term. So I think that for life partner, finding someone that I can be comfortable with even when there is no love, is important. Hm... This is potentially debatable.. oh well.. hahaha
Saturday, June 30, 2007
work? battleground
I have already into the second half of my attachment period. Up until now, it has been a good training for me.
I have been blamed for various things, some rightfully blamed while some are downright outrageous. Some blames are purposefully directed at me by some who appeared friendly and helpful.
I have been asked to do various tasks. Some are things that will help me learn, while most tasks are passed to me by other colleagues so that they can slack.
If I do not handle it well, I will be working until I pant like a dog after a 10km run and fuming mad like a dragon awakened from its sleep. Sometimes I will feel so dejected after work that my steps are heavy. Fortunately, I still manage to pull myself together for work on the next working day.
Work? I am not sure if I am ready for it. Not if the team that I will be working with are not efficient and when there is no accountability.
I have been blamed for various things, some rightfully blamed while some are downright outrageous. Some blames are purposefully directed at me by some who appeared friendly and helpful.
I have been asked to do various tasks. Some are things that will help me learn, while most tasks are passed to me by other colleagues so that they can slack.
If I do not handle it well, I will be working until I pant like a dog after a 10km run and fuming mad like a dragon awakened from its sleep. Sometimes I will feel so dejected after work that my steps are heavy. Fortunately, I still manage to pull myself together for work on the next working day.
Work? I am not sure if I am ready for it. Not if the team that I will be working with are not efficient and when there is no accountability.
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