I keep telling myself that I am fine, that I can live as normal people do.
But truth is always harsh. It has proven me wrong again.
I am so sick and tired of telling everyone again and again about my condition. Not that I wanted others to pity me. Just that I do not want them to misunderstand me when I responded in a weird way during conversation.
I hate to sit on the right side. I hate to be in a noisy place. I hate to see the look that says :" gosh why am I talking to you? you don't even reply to my sentence. This is a waste of my time". I hate it. I hate it. HATE IT!!
I have been trying all I can to try to live with it. Turning all the way to the left when someone on my left is speaking. Guessing what they are talking about by looking at their lips. Avoid situation where I have to sit on the right side. Avoid going to noisy places. But sometimes, it is just not enough.
Hence, there is a higher chance that I am misunderstood as not paying attention, snoobish, slow, blur.... To reduce the chance of it occuring, I am quiet during gathering so that people will not talk to me. Yeah, I am a quiet person with nothing much to talk about. So don't bother talking to me. At least this is quiet is better than cause misunderstanding.
Oh, there is one more thing I hate. Driving car and chatting at the same time, since driver seat is at the right side. If I am chatting, I'll have to turn to the left, my eyes will be busy trying to guess words by looking at lips movement. No, I was not involved in accident before, fortunately.
If words of a specialist is true, I will have to live with this all my life. All my life.. Will the situation becomes better?? Maybe it will. That is if I wear a huge signboard saying that "I am partially deaf, Do not be offended". Well, maybe a small paper stuck on my forehead will be more subtle. Or should I just plug earphones into my ear all the times?
周围的人们在欢笑，
说着笑话唱着歌，
谈天说地多自在。
可是我，无奈的我；
只能一个人，
默默的扮演我的角色；
哑巴的角色，
聋子的角色。
期待能融入快乐的人们；
却只能永远，
做哑剧的观众。
