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Here is what I do every few days...
1. Sweep the floor
2. mop the floor
3. wash the clothes of my brothers
4. hang the clothes
5. fold the clothes
6. nag my brothers to take in the folded clothes
7. nag my bothers to not change so many clothes
8. pick up stuffs


Little wonder why my brothers want me to stay with them LOL....

rapping simpson

long journey back to same place

I have travelling more than 800km in 2 days and I used up more than 12 hours during the 2 days to travel.. However, I ended up in the same place that I started my journey.. sucks huh?

Well, I went to kl from jb by ktm train. I was accompanying my grandmother back home. She preferred train.. so there goes more than 6 hours of journey.. What can I person that cannot sleep easily do? basically.... nothing.

Was hoping of meeting up with ppl in the region near petaling jaya.. but heard that one is busy with exam, the other is back in singapore and one more dunno busy about what.. haih.. there goes the plan to celebrate a friend's birthday... oh well.. too bad.. lousy timing to go there.. haha

On the way back from KL to JB, I took train again.. I have no idea why exactly... Well, spent some the time reading finish my story book and many articles of a magazine... other free time was spent idling away.. doing nothing.. and keep wondering 'why on earth is the air-cond so hot?' With no where to avoid the heat, I have to enjoy the 'coldness'. This set my hand into a constant back and front motion while holding a miserable piece of cardboard.

Worst thing is.. there wasn't any ppl who is of same age as me.. except for 4 girls that are of islamic religion. haih.. There was some show on the tv.. unfortunately, it is a comedy.. that is built solely on words.. To the annoyance of ppl who want to know what happening in the show... the volume is so low that I cannot hear anything even when I sit 30cm from the tv.. gosh.. such a waste of resources (the turning on of tv)

The only thing I can be glad of is that there are many empty seats around.. so I can take 2 seats to myself and need not let my shoulder have a bout of battle with other shoulders.

what is left after??

those names.. were once ppl who are full of energy and life..
those names.. thousands of them..
now merely a code of recognition for a stack of papers..
which were kept for the purpose of avoiding lawsuit or monetary claims problems...

Within the stack of papers, there were details of visits made..
patients hard to breath..
patients stopped breathing..
resuscitated...
health deterioting day by day...
family members advised to get CCOD
certified dead by doctor...

I got a chance to flipped through the files today...
Hard to not feel something..
when you are staring at the details in the files...
more so when you have to do so again and again to file in more names...
even more so when the dates are quite recent...

Passing of life

I was at a hospice centre, doing volunteer work from 10am to 5.45pm.
Quite a lot of things happen during this time...
I got chance to know one nice person....
I got chance to know the workers and nurses there better...
I got chance to eat burger king from novena...
I got chance to help set up a computer...
I got chance to eat a lunch of a worker as my first dinner....
I got chance to know that a patient just passed away....
I got chance to see the distraught look of the patient's husband....
I got chance to see the sad tears of the nurses...
I got chance to reflect on the fragile life of humans...

Epitaph

by Jaimie D. Travis

Image of you in a cloud rolls by The sky opens up, somewhere in my mind A vision of you in a pale blue dress Tears falling down, you took my breath Memories of you . . . Rain always hides these tears in my eyes Thunder laughs and my soul dies Will I hear your voice Will I touch your skin Will the ocean waves let me in Epitaph read like a warning sign Lightning strikes, I close my eyes A vision of you in a torn red dress Tears in your eyes, your hair a mess Memories of you . . . Rain always hides these tears in my eyes Thunder laughs and my soul dies Will I hear your voice Will I touch your skin Will the ocean waves let me in The time is near, the time is nigh To answer the call, to answer the cry My head still spins, my body aches Cold wind stings my eyes, my face Look around, no one there Will anybody notice, anyone care . . . Will I hear you laugh Will I see you cry Will this world just end and let me die

what to do? do what?

I am feeling not so well. my thoughts are all over the place.. suddenly think of many things and have to decide.. sigh... some of my plans and expectation were overturned by events and persons that were out of my control.
Maybe I feel this way because lack of sleep. went back home and accompany dad watch soccer. then wake up early to accompany for breakfast.. yawn....
can't get my tots straight also.. sigh.. ah well.. going to do laundry..

FFX2 opening

This the clearest. may take a while to load

Suteki Da Ne

nice song - arekara

try read this page.. I find it interesting.. if you like go read whole story.. haha

http://book.qukanshu.com/html/186/7001.html

朋友

朋友,
是共同患难,
是一起享福,
是人生扶把,
是互相关心,
是不畏考验,
是坚守友情,
是不会退缩,
是互相信任,
是不可或缺.

life and death

recently, I volunteered at Hospice Care Association. Although I have not come into contact with the patients. I had the chance to key in info of patients that were RIP (rest in peace). It makes me wonder about many things. What can we do to get a meaningful life? a life that when we are at our last moments, we can say that we have done sth and and contented? Is it just working and get money? Is it being filial? Is it to have a family with close relationship?

Recently I have been traveling a lot. I will follow my father whenever he goes to petaling jaya for meeting. Just went last week. I have to make use of every opportunity to go back and visit my grandfather. He is getting weaker by the day and everyone including my father is telling me that he will not last long. sigh... I have been fortunate so far. I had the chance to meet my grandparents, be it my father's side or my mother's side. though I seldom go and visit my mother's father who passed away 2 years ago. I am not going to make the same mistake again. My grandfather now very cute actually. haha. He will say that he don't want to eat lunch. But when me and grandmother sit down at table, he will want to join in for the sake of company.. Then he will have to eat sth. It saddens me to know that they are frequently looking forward to a visit by their children or grandchildren. My grandmother also expressed delight at my visit. She will tell everyone that she knows at kopitiam (and there are quite a few) that "cucu saya, cucu saya" or in cantonese. Eveytime I leave them I feel the pain when I see them suddenly become quiet when we are leaving.. sigh..

I am trying to make them happy whenever I can so that they have sth to hold on to during the period when nobody visit them. Hopefully it makes them feel better.

Organisational Behaviour

In class and lecture of organisational behaviour, they tell us that our characteristic will determine how we act. However, I beg to differ.
According to MBTI test, I am super super introvert. Does that mean I am not sociable? That was the question that bugged me. I even went as far to think that the reason why I felt isolated was because of my character.

However, I decided that it should not be the case. Because it is not the character that dictates how we act. In my opinion, it is how well you role play. In other words, everyone can be anyone if they are good at it. Even if you had bad traits, you can hide it and show others what they want to see. Hoping that in time, your bad traits will eventually disappear cos you forgot about them.

Yup,... that is what I did. I start to spend time doing things that I would think unnecessary like eating with a whole bunch of class mate at a canteen that is not really convenient for me. But after a while, I realise that: 'hey, it is quite ok to do so'. Now, I am somehow sort of a part of them.

Haha.... To those who are concern about me, I thank you for your care. At that point of time when I in bad mood, reading your comments make me feel better. Well, I am stable now... thanks.

the most unpopular guy....

I started to give myself this nickname since near september last year. Amazing that I can get the most dishonorable title huh? sigh... but I really do feel that I am like that in class. When my classmates see me, they reply my 'hello', but their body action and eyes gave them away.. It seems that the msg they convey is that 'oh my, why on earth do I have to meet him of all the people?'

Another incident happened today which further solidify my claim to the title. It goes like this...

During a class today, tutor asked us to form groups of 4. So I turned and ask the person seating beside me if he has a group. then he said no and quickly turn away. Then, tutor started the lecture... So I decided to postpone my request to join him in a group.
After some time, tutor gave a break for us to stretch.... that guy went out to take a walk with others. When he came back, I asked him if I can join his group. Then he gave me this apologetic look and said he formed a group with 3 other guys already.
(let's call that guy A)

So I said to myself:'nvm, I'll try other group'
Then, I went and asked around and found out that there is another group with only 3 persons. So I asked them if I could join them and they agree. (one of them is B)
so I happily walked away thinking that I settled the problem of getting a group. (at that time was after class)
tick tock tick tock tick tock... (after 3 minutes)
'beep beep' (msg on phone)

content of msg:
Yo, B here. A's group just splitted and A was sent to join us. Since we are in the same group with him for the rest of our subject, It is more convenient for us to meet up. Sorry... We feel very bad about it..

the msg is just a notification. It just goes to show how insignificant I am.... What The HELL!!!!!!!!!!

After that I went to a lecture. A was there also. He still smile at me and try to strike a conversation with me, to which I responded like normal and with a smile...
Sigh.... humans can be so scary,fake,cruel, and do not keep their words......

Uni student...

You know.. I realized that in NTU, there are still many people who do not treat pursuing education seriously enough to take the initiative…

Well, there was a lecture on Econs today. It is supposed to start at 2.30pm. But somehow, the LT is still half full at that time. Well, I thought to myself.. maybe they are having class before this and the venue is far away (normally we had class or lecture in the south side, but the lecture today was on the north side). Around 2.40pm, more and more people stroll in.. one can start to hear voices saying ‘hello’, ‘where to seat ar?’, ‘why you don’t like Lido’,and more bla bla bla… All this while the lecturer was waiting for them to settle down in front. Finally, the lecturer have to ask them to keep quiet ( uni student….. sigh..).

And so, the lecture starts finally… As I was listening enthusiastically to the lecturer, I heard whispers, complaints and curses behind me..

A: walau.. I am lost lor///

B: I dunno what the fuck he is talking about

A (or is it B or C? I dunno. Didn’t turn to check out): I am going to die for econs la.. walau…

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Shouldn’t uni student be more proactive and read the lecture notes or at least glance through it before the lecture? (unless very confident)

Oh well, then I thought to myself.. I should thank these people because they are the ones who prevent me from getting too bad grade (Grades are awarded by ratio of the whole cohort)…haha…

charity

8^th Jan 2006. Sunday. It has been raining for the whole day today with no end in sight. Sigh… What a boring day. Cannot do anything much and the internet is not working yet. Not much computer games to play and I finished reading online stories that I downloaded. I am starting to feel lonely. I guess this always happens when I went back home for few weeks. Started to get use to home then have to come out and get use to another place. Sometimes, I really admire human’s ability to adapt to the surroundings. Haha…

Anyway, I went to an elderly home yesterday. (that is part of the reason why I didn’t go back to my house. Well, I knew about the home because I joined the group concerning elderly which is under Welfare Service club (nvm if you don’t understand,haha..) Well, only 3 people went to the home as other members went for a trip to Malaysia. Kind of weird to have just 3 persons going there when there are more then 40 elderly.. cos we only interacted with 2 elderly from one room… (all the other a gong a ma, sorry!!!!). Well, I was there for like 3 hours and we just chit chat with the elderly ( 2 a ma). They were so happy that we came and talk to them…haha… as we were happily chatting away… suddenly I noticed sth moving on the floor, so I picked it up. It appears to be an insect that live in the wooden frame of the bed and live of the elderly. Meaning, they actually sucked blood.. Then the elderly showed us to another bed where there are lots of dried blood and said those are caused by the insect. After that, I caught 4 more of them (one is full of blood).

The topics that we talked about ranged from Japanese war times to farming to rearing pigs, chicken, duck, how vegetables nowadays not so tasty, about fish that eats food completely processed by humans, the spirit of banana plant, dogs, egg, rain, the 4 seasons,…………………………………………………….. (now you have an idea of why we can talk for 3 hours… haha…)

One thing worth mentioning is that they laughed happily when we interact with them.. which is a good thing because they seldom have chance to go out. This is because elderly have some difficulties in movement and certainly all the stairs in Singapore is not helping. By interacting with them every week, I hope that they will be less bored. One other guy brought along some biscuits and gave them too. The smile on their face is well worth it.

However, I didn’t visit them during the holidays because I decided that I should visit my own parents and grandparents too. No point in being nice to other elderly while neglecting own grandparents and parents.

vegetarian

I came across this issue when I decided to go vegetarian. My parents objected to my decision again. For your information, I tried to turn vegetarian around 1 year ago. However, I have to abandon my decision because of objection from parents and also lack of vegetarian food in my hostel. Now, I turn vegetarian again. I hope that I can continue to be one. So far, I have not eaten meat for 4 days.

Well, my parents still think that I am not a vegetarian. They suggested that If I want to, I should just practice it on the 1^st and 15^th of every Chinese calendar month. I asked a fellow undergraduate who is a Buddhist about how he feels about being vegetarian for just 2 days in one month. He said that it is to practice discipline for 2 days. Which makes me wonder about the purpose of it. It is just like saying that I should be law abiding and be discipline for one day per week. For other days, I can do anything that I want. How does it sound? Ridiculous right?

Why would anyone want to be vegetarian anyway? Well, my reason may sound a bit funny. It starts after the I recover from sickness. After that, I start to notice a type of funny taste in fish, meat and egg which I don’t like. It is like rotten taste. How many will believe this? Well, my brother said that It is all in my mind. He said that I made myself believe that there is such a taste in meat.

But why would people want to be vegetarian? For Buddhist, they said that everything have a right to live. Hence, we should not take away that right from animals by killing them and eating them. For animal rights activists, they say that if people eat meat, there will be demand for it. As the breeding condition is degrading to the animals, it is just not right. I do not know about other interpretations..

Haha.. well, Hope my parents do not know about this blog…..Though I have to ponder over how I should act when I go home and my mum happily cooks all types of meat and fish to give me ‘nutrition’. Sigh…

(btw, this was typed when my room no internet connection)

Sick of train....

I am really sick of sitting train... I do not mean mrt or LRT, but KTM... It goes like this....

On wednesday.. I board the train from JB to KL with my bro and my grandma (to send my grandma to her son's house in PJ) on the trip there, I had the comfort of space, as there was no one sitting on the seat beside me... but the downside to it is the coach is really so empty... what that means is I have to spend 6 hours without any pretty girls to stare at....URGH!!!! well, my brother and my grandma slept through the journey... but I am the type that is easily awaken and hence cannot sleep.. without any choice left, I have to resort to stoning... for 6 hours!!!!

On saturday, I board the train with my brother from KL to JB, this time, I sat with my brother..
only then did I realised that how unfortunate the arrangement is... not so much that we lose out the chance to sit with girls (though to a certain extent, however, after looking at the ratio of above 50 and under 50, we had to admit that it is almost impossible that we will have a surprise if we sit separate). well, the arrangement is unfortunate because once we sat down, we found to our dismay that our shoulders are fighting.. so is our leg.. there is simply not enough space for us.... (I do not mean to say tat my brother is fat, he is not)
We manage to ignore that lack of space by indulging ourselves in the realm of fiction (we read story books that we bought when we went to 1 Utama). Just when I was starting to fully imerse in the fantasy world, a terrifying sound brought me back to reality, I looked all around for the source of the sound and finally, I found it... the lady who was sitting behind us ( and I mean really behind with around 15cm apart. for those who travelled by train before, it is because in a coach, the seats will be spilt, some facing the front some facing the back, our seat is the turning point). And she is one hell of snoring woman.. no matter that the train shake and trembled with the less than perfect track, she went on snoring... sigh... and on she blasted until we reached JB.

next time, I will think and think and think.... before I decide to travel by train again.....

When you really love a girl

When you really love a girl, what will you do?
Will you try your very best to court her?
would you try very hard to be her boyfriend?
will you be able to say the right things at the right time?
will you be able to do the right things at the right time?
What if you are somebody who cannot give anything to her?
what if you have not the means to protect her?
What if you are not the one that she likes?
What if she wanted you to not love her?
Would you try to un-love her?
What if she gets a boyfriend?
would you be happy for her?
will you still look at her with thoughtful eyes?
will you avoid her so that your feelings don't betray you?
will you still be her friend?
is it possible to still be her friend?
will you ever get over her?
will you still try again?
will you change yourself to suit her taste?
will you still keep a look out for her even if she have a boyfriend?
will you still be willing to help her in anyway you can?
can you help her in a way that she does not think that you love her?
will you look for other girl?
wil you wait for her to change her mind?
will you still look at her photo sometimes and sigh?
would you think of all those times you had together with her and form lots of 'what if' questions?
will you have fantasies about her being your gf?
will you still dream of her?
will you keep thinking of her?
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-Broken heart-

what we do, for what?

have you ever think of why you are doing what you are doing? why you must do what you are doing? Who lay the rule that one day must have 3 main meals? why are there certain fixed pattern in our life?

I do.. I think of all this. Why must we do what we are doing now? to what purporse does it serves? why do we exist anyway? why should some people be smart while some stupid, some physically good looking while others not, why some tall some short. I know that science explained it by using genes. But why are we fated to such genes?why are we born by our parents and not other people? who decides all this? Religious people will say that god decides all this. If so, how do we know god exist? how can we be sure? pure believe is not getting anywhere when many groups have strong believe in their religion and this cause more problems. Many groups say that their religion is the true one. why is that so?

We can die anytime. You, me, anyone. If you are unlucky and born in places that are not stable, you may die faster, but then again you may not. We do not know when we will die. If we die tomorrow, does the thing that you are doing give any meaning? what about if you are going to die in the next second? was the way you live your life meaningful? Even if you had a meaningful life, does it matter? really?

In such great uncertainty, why are there still people out to get others? why do they need to make the life of other people miserable? All of us on earth have the same problem. We are on the same boat, shouldn't we be standing on the same side? shouldn't we all combine our strength and face the numerous uncertainty? Doesn't the increase frequency of natural disaster mean anything?

why do we work so hard? we plunge ourselves in our work and duties that we cannot get out of. We use whatever little time that was given to us by some unknown force, working, studying. In the end, it really doesn't matter. This world is being destroyed more and more by humans. Living condition are becoming more and more harsh. Do we really want our children to come into this world? the world population is increasing at a rate that earth may not sustain it. Why do people still increase the population so? Surely all of us know that resources on earth are limited. All of us know that if many plants are given limited resources, plants will die or have retarded growth. Shouldn't the people in the whole world cooperate and find some way out of this? find another planet or build living quarters in sky or in space... shouldn't that be our main focus?

Sigh... pondering.. pondering......