the most unpopular guy....

I started to give myself this nickname since near september last year. Amazing that I can get the most dishonorable title huh? sigh... but I really do feel that I am like that in class. When my classmates see me, they reply my 'hello', but their body action and eyes gave them away.. It seems that the msg they convey is that 'oh my, why on earth do I have to meet him of all the people?'

Another incident happened today which further solidify my claim to the title. It goes like this...

During a class today, tutor asked us to form groups of 4. So I turned and ask the person seating beside me if he has a group. then he said no and quickly turn away. Then, tutor started the lecture... So I decided to postpone my request to join him in a group.
After some time, tutor gave a break for us to stretch.... that guy went out to take a walk with others. When he came back, I asked him if I can join his group. Then he gave me this apologetic look and said he formed a group with 3 other guys already.
(let's call that guy A)

So I said to myself:'nvm, I'll try other group'
Then, I went and asked around and found out that there is another group with only 3 persons. So I asked them if I could join them and they agree. (one of them is B)
so I happily walked away thinking that I settled the problem of getting a group. (at that time was after class)
tick tock tick tock tick tock... (after 3 minutes)
'beep beep' (msg on phone)

content of msg:
Yo, B here. A's group just splitted and A was sent to join us. Since we are in the same group with him for the rest of our subject, It is more convenient for us to meet up. Sorry... We feel very bad about it..

the msg is just a notification. It just goes to show how insignificant I am.... What The HELL!!!!!!!!!!

After that I went to a lecture. A was there also. He still smile at me and try to strike a conversation with me, to which I responded like normal and with a smile...
Sigh.... humans can be so scary,fake,cruel, and do not keep their words......

Uni student...

You know.. I realized that in NTU, there are still many people who do not treat pursuing education seriously enough to take the initiative…

Well, there was a lecture on Econs today. It is supposed to start at 2.30pm. But somehow, the LT is still half full at that time. Well, I thought to myself.. maybe they are having class before this and the venue is far away (normally we had class or lecture in the south side, but the lecture today was on the north side). Around 2.40pm, more and more people stroll in.. one can start to hear voices saying ‘hello’, ‘where to seat ar?’, ‘why you don’t like Lido’,and more bla bla bla… All this while the lecturer was waiting for them to settle down in front. Finally, the lecturer have to ask them to keep quiet ( uni student….. sigh..).

And so, the lecture starts finally… As I was listening enthusiastically to the lecturer, I heard whispers, complaints and curses behind me..

A: walau.. I am lost lor///

B: I dunno what the fuck he is talking about

A (or is it B or C? I dunno. Didn’t turn to check out): I am going to die for econs la.. walau…

.

.

.

.

.

Shouldn’t uni student be more proactive and read the lecture notes or at least glance through it before the lecture? (unless very confident)

Oh well, then I thought to myself.. I should thank these people because they are the ones who prevent me from getting too bad grade (Grades are awarded by ratio of the whole cohort)…haha…

charity

8^th Jan 2006. Sunday. It has been raining for the whole day today with no end in sight. Sigh… What a boring day. Cannot do anything much and the internet is not working yet. Not much computer games to play and I finished reading online stories that I downloaded. I am starting to feel lonely. I guess this always happens when I went back home for few weeks. Started to get use to home then have to come out and get use to another place. Sometimes, I really admire human’s ability to adapt to the surroundings. Haha…

Anyway, I went to an elderly home yesterday. (that is part of the reason why I didn’t go back to my house. Well, I knew about the home because I joined the group concerning elderly which is under Welfare Service club (nvm if you don’t understand,haha..) Well, only 3 people went to the home as other members went for a trip to Malaysia. Kind of weird to have just 3 persons going there when there are more then 40 elderly.. cos we only interacted with 2 elderly from one room… (all the other a gong a ma, sorry!!!!). Well, I was there for like 3 hours and we just chit chat with the elderly ( 2 a ma). They were so happy that we came and talk to them…haha… as we were happily chatting away… suddenly I noticed sth moving on the floor, so I picked it up. It appears to be an insect that live in the wooden frame of the bed and live of the elderly. Meaning, they actually sucked blood.. Then the elderly showed us to another bed where there are lots of dried blood and said those are caused by the insect. After that, I caught 4 more of them (one is full of blood).

The topics that we talked about ranged from Japanese war times to farming to rearing pigs, chicken, duck, how vegetables nowadays not so tasty, about fish that eats food completely processed by humans, the spirit of banana plant, dogs, egg, rain, the 4 seasons,…………………………………………………….. (now you have an idea of why we can talk for 3 hours… haha…)

One thing worth mentioning is that they laughed happily when we interact with them.. which is a good thing because they seldom have chance to go out. This is because elderly have some difficulties in movement and certainly all the stairs in Singapore is not helping. By interacting with them every week, I hope that they will be less bored. One other guy brought along some biscuits and gave them too. The smile on their face is well worth it.

However, I didn’t visit them during the holidays because I decided that I should visit my own parents and grandparents too. No point in being nice to other elderly while neglecting own grandparents and parents.

vegetarian

I came across this issue when I decided to go vegetarian. My parents objected to my decision again. For your information, I tried to turn vegetarian around 1 year ago. However, I have to abandon my decision because of objection from parents and also lack of vegetarian food in my hostel. Now, I turn vegetarian again. I hope that I can continue to be one. So far, I have not eaten meat for 4 days.

Well, my parents still think that I am not a vegetarian. They suggested that If I want to, I should just practice it on the 1^st and 15^th of every Chinese calendar month. I asked a fellow undergraduate who is a Buddhist about how he feels about being vegetarian for just 2 days in one month. He said that it is to practice discipline for 2 days. Which makes me wonder about the purpose of it. It is just like saying that I should be law abiding and be discipline for one day per week. For other days, I can do anything that I want. How does it sound? Ridiculous right?

Why would anyone want to be vegetarian anyway? Well, my reason may sound a bit funny. It starts after the I recover from sickness. After that, I start to notice a type of funny taste in fish, meat and egg which I don’t like. It is like rotten taste. How many will believe this? Well, my brother said that It is all in my mind. He said that I made myself believe that there is such a taste in meat.

But why would people want to be vegetarian? For Buddhist, they said that everything have a right to live. Hence, we should not take away that right from animals by killing them and eating them. For animal rights activists, they say that if people eat meat, there will be demand for it. As the breeding condition is degrading to the animals, it is just not right. I do not know about other interpretations..

Haha.. well, Hope my parents do not know about this blog…..Though I have to ponder over how I should act when I go home and my mum happily cooks all types of meat and fish to give me ‘nutrition’. Sigh…

(btw, this was typed when my room no internet connection)

Sick of train....

I am really sick of sitting train... I do not mean mrt or LRT, but KTM... It goes like this....

On wednesday.. I board the train from JB to KL with my bro and my grandma (to send my grandma to her son's house in PJ) on the trip there, I had the comfort of space, as there was no one sitting on the seat beside me... but the downside to it is the coach is really so empty... what that means is I have to spend 6 hours without any pretty girls to stare at....URGH!!!! well, my brother and my grandma slept through the journey... but I am the type that is easily awaken and hence cannot sleep.. without any choice left, I have to resort to stoning... for 6 hours!!!!

On saturday, I board the train with my brother from KL to JB, this time, I sat with my brother..
only then did I realised that how unfortunate the arrangement is... not so much that we lose out the chance to sit with girls (though to a certain extent, however, after looking at the ratio of above 50 and under 50, we had to admit that it is almost impossible that we will have a surprise if we sit separate). well, the arrangement is unfortunate because once we sat down, we found to our dismay that our shoulders are fighting.. so is our leg.. there is simply not enough space for us.... (I do not mean to say tat my brother is fat, he is not)
We manage to ignore that lack of space by indulging ourselves in the realm of fiction (we read story books that we bought when we went to 1 Utama). Just when I was starting to fully imerse in the fantasy world, a terrifying sound brought me back to reality, I looked all around for the source of the sound and finally, I found it... the lady who was sitting behind us ( and I mean really behind with around 15cm apart. for those who travelled by train before, it is because in a coach, the seats will be spilt, some facing the front some facing the back, our seat is the turning point). And she is one hell of snoring woman.. no matter that the train shake and trembled with the less than perfect track, she went on snoring... sigh... and on she blasted until we reached JB.

next time, I will think and think and think.... before I decide to travel by train again.....

When you really love a girl

When you really love a girl, what will you do?
Will you try your very best to court her?
would you try very hard to be her boyfriend?
will you be able to say the right things at the right time?
will you be able to do the right things at the right time?
What if you are somebody who cannot give anything to her?
what if you have not the means to protect her?
What if you are not the one that she likes?
What if she wanted you to not love her?
Would you try to un-love her?
What if she gets a boyfriend?
would you be happy for her?
will you still look at her with thoughtful eyes?
will you avoid her so that your feelings don't betray you?
will you still be her friend?
is it possible to still be her friend?
will you ever get over her?
will you still try again?
will you change yourself to suit her taste?
will you still keep a look out for her even if she have a boyfriend?
will you still be willing to help her in anyway you can?
can you help her in a way that she does not think that you love her?
will you look for other girl?
wil you wait for her to change her mind?
will you still look at her photo sometimes and sigh?
would you think of all those times you had together with her and form lots of 'what if' questions?
will you have fantasies about her being your gf?
will you still dream of her?
will you keep thinking of her?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

-Broken heart-

what we do, for what?

have you ever think of why you are doing what you are doing? why you must do what you are doing? Who lay the rule that one day must have 3 main meals? why are there certain fixed pattern in our life?

I do.. I think of all this. Why must we do what we are doing now? to what purporse does it serves? why do we exist anyway? why should some people be smart while some stupid, some physically good looking while others not, why some tall some short. I know that science explained it by using genes. But why are we fated to such genes?why are we born by our parents and not other people? who decides all this? Religious people will say that god decides all this. If so, how do we know god exist? how can we be sure? pure believe is not getting anywhere when many groups have strong believe in their religion and this cause more problems. Many groups say that their religion is the true one. why is that so?

We can die anytime. You, me, anyone. If you are unlucky and born in places that are not stable, you may die faster, but then again you may not. We do not know when we will die. If we die tomorrow, does the thing that you are doing give any meaning? what about if you are going to die in the next second? was the way you live your life meaningful? Even if you had a meaningful life, does it matter? really?

In such great uncertainty, why are there still people out to get others? why do they need to make the life of other people miserable? All of us on earth have the same problem. We are on the same boat, shouldn't we be standing on the same side? shouldn't we all combine our strength and face the numerous uncertainty? Doesn't the increase frequency of natural disaster mean anything?

why do we work so hard? we plunge ourselves in our work and duties that we cannot get out of. We use whatever little time that was given to us by some unknown force, working, studying. In the end, it really doesn't matter. This world is being destroyed more and more by humans. Living condition are becoming more and more harsh. Do we really want our children to come into this world? the world population is increasing at a rate that earth may not sustain it. Why do people still increase the population so? Surely all of us know that resources on earth are limited. All of us know that if many plants are given limited resources, plants will die or have retarded growth. Shouldn't the people in the whole world cooperate and find some way out of this? find another planet or build living quarters in sky or in space... shouldn't that be our main focus?

Sigh... pondering.. pondering......

The battle begins

Attention all personnel!!!! please report back to your stations immediately and prepare for battle!!!!
This is what my brain is telling my body everyday..
haha.. Yes!!!! it is nearing exam period and everyone around me is studying hard (at least I get the impression that they are). How can I lose out right? So must study study study...What to do? taht is our full time job whether we like it our not.. sigh..
Actually I am qutie worried about the exams bacause I have not taken this type of exam before (meaning business type). As far as I can remember, I used to take exams on science related subject and mathematics. haha.. So I have no idea how I am going to die for marketing examination... What is more, all my projects are not very impressive. I do not know why exactly..Luckily, actuarial science course involves more individual work. Furthermore, my specialisation was confirmed long ago.
The battle... will cause more reluctance to go out. Add to this the fact that I seldom go out on normal days. DO you believe that I haven't go and watch movie since the start of semester? I know of some that go out and have fun everyweek.haha... Guess I am always the weird one out.
Well, to the crazy days ahead.. I will remain crazy to live through these times..

孤独

我有一个好朋友，他的名字叫孤独。一直以来，他都陪伴在我身边，与我一起度过漫长的人生。当其他人都不理睬我时，我就和他相伴。有了这么好的朋友，我一点也不寂寞。也真难得，想想世上有几愿意无时无刻陪伴我的呢？
不知道为什么，我就是不能跟其他人要好．是天意吗？或许这也是一种福气吧！毕竟我不会为了失去朋友而难过，因为我本来就是孤独的．
孤独，我的好友，知己，这些年来辛苦你了．希望您能继续陪伴我度过我的人生．

Life...

Everyday, we wake up, wash up, then go about doing things that we must do in life, be it studying, working, house hold chores, home work,.... How many of us really enjoy what we are doing? how many of us are doing what we want to do?

I don't know about you. But I dare say that I would prefer to live my life differently from my current situation now... but there is no way that I can do that because of various obligation and restriction. How helpless are we all in this world..

As there is not much chance of changing many things, We might as well learn to live with it and try to find joy in what we do, however insignificant they may be. And we cling on to those joy that we can find and hope that we can live through it all..

There will be times when everything seems to go against your wish. At such times, you will feel sad, depressed, disappointed, helpless.. I am sure all of us experienced it before though the experience may differ in scale and severity. One helpful way to think is that God is testing us (in terms of christian thinking), or that we are suffering to repay our debts ( with reference to the rebirth belief). No matter how we think, one thing is for sure.. if we just give up, we will never get up. So must keep on trying and trying... If you do this and you fail in the end or did not perform as you hope, you not have much regret because you can tell yourself that you have tried your best and there is not much more that you can do. this is definitely better than when you fail and say to yourself that you should have worked harder and pay more attention.

judo judo judo

hei.. had Judo training today.. the last one for this semester.. sigh.. will so miss it...haha..
Well, I went for judo grading today and passed!!! haha.. so happy.. now can go trash those people who think white belt people are easy prey.. Hpmh!!!!... One more happy thing today.. I didn't get thrown in randori (which means sparring)... well... I didn't spar with seniors and one time is with a girl.. so not much challenge..haha...

Unfortunately (or fortunately for some), I got more injuries... sigh.. every judo lessons will add injuries.. must really use the holiday to recuperate my health... lets see.. until now,.. I have injuries and right toe, left knee, back, right knee.. yeah... scary huh?? but the fun part of it is worth it...haha...

So it begins

seems to get on the craze of blogging after reading blogs of friends.
In singapore studying business in NTU. whoever said that Business is easy must be out of his/her mind.. or they haven't tried NTU business. sigh.. projects projects projects.. get sick of them.. esp since some projects exist just for the sake of having project.. But I guess such incident happens in other uni also, just that I don't know about it.
Have to be careful not to talk on sensitive issues. For some of you who don't know, there is the case of bloggers being sued for racist remarks... supposedly, the free speach in Singapore is not really that free after all... sigh.. Oh well, nothing is perfect
Anyway, I think I will use this as my emotion diary or sth.. I used to do that with pen and paper. Howver, Have to change according to the times. so, figure it will be beneficial to practice my typeing also...haha..

Actually I was surprised at the number and frequency of 'natural disaster'. What with Hurricanes, earthquake that seems never ending and the big time bird flu. Once you think that the worst is over, another one strikes. What will happen to the world if this continue?? Why do people still stay at those dangerous places anyway? I for one, will not feel comfortable knowing that I am staying below sea level. or above volcanic belt. Is it because of politics?, history? whatever it is, is it right to risk the lives of hundred, thousands or even millions? I wonder what is the value of other people's live to one person.

one thing I cannot understand is religion. I admit that my involvment in religion is low. However, it saddens me to see religion used in the wrong way such as to instill hatred against other people, classify others as inferior etc.. the basis for stating that is because of the question 'who are we to judge'. do we really know what is right or wrong? do we really? for exmaple, many would agree that doing charity is good, but should we do charity always? what about those who are lazy and come to beg money from you while wrapping themselves in bandages, or those child beggers controlled by organised groups? by giving them money, we are actually not doing good, but evil.some may argue that if we don give money to the child beggar, they will be beatened up and tortured if they canot fulfill their qoutas. But if we give them money, more child beggars will be brought in because it is profitable. Hence by wanting to help one, we cause harm to others. Hence we can see that doing good need lots of wisdom.

This all is very un-blog like right? well, I am not normal (some call me crazy)..haha..