Recently, I cannot help but to think that human are so helpless in the face of nature (or god ). No matter what we do, we will all die. It is quite sad that the inevitable thing is, we are all living a day less as we live each day. I cannot believe that my father is about to retire soon, I do not wish to believe. But there is no denying it. My parents are ageing, even more so for my grandma. It is disheartening.
When I talk to my grandma, she was so happy and tell me about her life last time, her other children and many other things. Then after some time, it struck me that she does not remember what she told me 40 minutes ago. She is repeating herself over... and over again. Her memory is failing her. Tears welled up in my eyes then and now too as I type this.
How can we live when we know that we will grow old, helpless, body ache everywhere, failing memory and health. When we will have to be dependent on other people once again when we are independent for so many years. Sometimes when I walk pass an old perso, I wonder what is on his/her mind. Where they are can only walk slowly and watch young people zeep pass them. When I sat waiting for bus, I see them having to rest at each and every bus stop that they come across before continuing their slow walk back.
The only thing that they can be happy about is if they have children and grandchildren that are successful and filial. Successful does not necesarry means earn a lot of money, success varies from person to person. I would think success is when a person can earn a living without resorting to unlawful means. Success is when their children are able to live independent and comfortable in the future.
To all the people who are reading this, think of what you want when you are old. If you are staying with your parents, be more considerate to them. Don't think that they are bothersome when they nag at you. They do it because they care for you. For those who are not staying with your parents, make a trip back and visit them more often.
I can feel and see that my parents are extremely happy when I go back and stay even for a few days. Similarly, I can see the disappointment clearly written on their face when I have to tell them that I ahve to go be back to Singapore. My heart wrenches when I know that my father took leave off to accompany me only to know that I have to go back to Singapore on the very first day of his leave. I'm sorry.... I'm very sorry.. I don't know how I can ever repay what my parents did for me, other then to live meaningfully. But deep in my heart, I know that it is just not enough. Nothing is ever enough.
I still can remember when I was around 7 years old. I was very sick, high fever, no appetite, no strength to walk. It was past mid-night, my area was not very developed, 24 hours clinic was not available. My father tried to make me feel better by carrying me, walking around and talking softly to me until I fell asleep. Even when I was an adult, the care from my parents never cease.
I was in uni hostel, I had high fever... so much so that I felt light headed and fall down when I was standing. I do not want parents to worry so I did not tell them, but they called and found out I was very sick. On that very same night, they drove over and fetch me back so they can take care of me. My mum even took leave to take care of me.
Me and my brothers are in singapore working and studying. My parents are afraid that we do not get good food to eat. Hence, every Sunday, my mum will wake up at 5.30am to cook fish, my father will make carrot juice. Then they will drive over with other fruits, biscuits, and other basic necessities. I feel bad when I see my parents and they have the tire look in their eyes. I feel even worse when their tiredness are quickly washed away when they see me and my brothers. I swear I will take every opportunity to go back and visit them whenever I can.
I can never repay what they did for me, ever......
Sigh.. things will be much more simple if humans are without emotion. But then, it will be a sad thing too. nothing can ever be perfect
